Building Grit, Part II: Increase Your Self-Confidence

In a previous article I motivated why grit is the one quality every (aspiring) leader cannot do without and outlined the four components of grit. One of the components of grit is self-confidence. Some excel on this. Here is an example.

On September 30, 331 B.C., Alexander the Great with an army of 47,000 Macedonians faced 250,000 Persian soldiers--the largest army ever assembled until Napoleon’s Grande Armée--on the plain of Gaugamela (Iraq). If Alexander lost, 1500 miles from Greece, they’d have nowhere to go. Seeing 100,000 campfires before them, terror struck the Macedonians, but not their king. The great Alexander explained his strategy to his generals, and went to sleep. He overslept and had to be awakened. Why did he sleep so well? Because he was supremely confident that he would win. And so he did the next day, in “the epoch-most making of all the decisive battles of the Western world," in the worlds of J.F.C. Fuller.

Few of us have Alexander’s self-confidence. But perhaps you are a little low on self-confidence? (If you are unsure, you can do my online grit test). If so, you are in good company. 56% of my EMBA students score below the cutoff--and that is a group that on average you should think is pretty confident of their own abilities! In this article, I will talk about sworn enemies of self-confidence, and then how you can consciously set out to improve your self-confidence.

Sworn enemies of self-confidence

#1. Self-pity

We all face disappointments. But feeling sorry for yourself when you fail takes a lot of energy, and if it is a habit, it saps your will power.

#2. Your inner critic

Each of us has their own inner critic. And that is great! It helps us critically evaluate what we did and try to do better next time. In this case, it is a little angel on your shoulder, coaching you. But more often, it is a not-so-little devil, telling you "I am not good enough, smart enough, popular enough," whatever. If so, it sets you up for failure. This is one of the most challenging adversaries of building grit. It is the one most often mentioned by my students when it comes to undermining self-confidence.

#3. Perfectionism

The Roman philosopher and statesman Seneca already said it: Errare humanum est. We all make mistakes. You are not perfect! Nor am I! If you see anything short of perfect as a failure, no wonder your self-confidence suffers.

#4 Self-limiting beliefs

This defines what you are capable of. "This is not for me." "My idea is stupid. Nobody will buy into it." "I am too old, or I don't have it in me to start a new business" "My English is not good enough"--that is one I often encounter in the classroom with non-native English speakers (neither am I!).

Take a few seconds--which of these four sworn enemies of self-confidence do you recognize for yourself?

Strategies to improve your self-confidence

#1. Consciously build competence, ability, mastery

The 4th century BC Athenian politician Demosthenes had a speaking impediment. Yet, his life goal (focus! see my article on improving your focus) was to become a politician. So, he practiced in the basement in front of a mirror, day in, day out. He put pebbles in his mouth and when to the sea shore to shout above the roar of the waves (no amplifiers in those days!). The result--he became the best orator in classical history. As I said, English is not my native language. Yet, for an academic career, writing skills are crucial, and English is the language of science, not Dutch! What did I do? I studies countless articles, with a zeal of the exegetist, dissecting arguments, studying sentence structure, etc. It took many hours but it paid off.

#2. Leave your comfort zone step-by-step

Demosthenes did not jump into the large crowd right away. If you have glossophobia--fear of public speaking (75% of people suffer from this)--don't start speaking to a large crowd. Start small, perhaps first just your spouse, and gradually build it up. I have acrophobia--fear of heights. I worked on managing it by taking rides in roller-coasters, first pretty tame ones, and gradually upping the game.

#3. Relax (abandon) your desire for external validation

The more you depend on validation by others, the more your self-confidence is built--or destroyed--by others. In other words, you let others determine much about yourself. If these others are all wise, benign, and empathetic, even in their criticism, that is OK. Now, how many of us live in this kind of social paradise?

#4. Confront your inner critic whenever it speaks; investigate the accuracy of its claims

Your inner critic is a pessimist. It mostly paints you in a negative light--it is a devil, not an angel. Confront your inner critic! How reasonable is it that you are just a bad public speaker? It is always true? Can you replace the negative thought with something more encouraging? Like "on this occasion my public speaking went well." Then, try to take a step further by trying to analyze what conditions where operating that made it a success? Perhaps it was a small group? A festive occasion (with drinks!)? A context that played to your superior knowledge? Something else? And look for things to be grateful for.

This is the third article in a series on grit, published exclusively on LinkedIn. Click on the links for other articles:

• Grit: The One Quality Every (Aspiring) Leader Needs to Have -> this article contains a link to the online grit test, developed using my academic research on scale development.
• Building Grit, Part I: Improve Your Focus
• Building Grit, Part III: Motivation to Succeed
• Building Grit, Part IV: Resilience

Jan-Benedict Steenkamp?is C. Knox Massey Distinguished Professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, where he teaches the wildly successful Executive MBA course Leadership Lessons from History. The course is based on his book?Time to Lead: Lessons for Today’s Leaders from Bold Decisions that Changed History. His latest book, Warrior, Queen, Scientist, Activist: Gritty Women Who Bent the Arc of History, was published in March 2024 by Xlibris.