Building The Courage To Show Up As Me (Work In Progress)

One of the things I struggled with the most in recent years of building a coaching practice is putting myself out there in the social media space.? Being someone who is fiercely protective of my privacy, showing up – be it on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn (don’t even remind me about TikTok!) is a BIG struggle.??

It is not just about having a presence on social media.? To me, the greatest difficulty lies in how to show up in the most authentic way and in my mentor’s words: the most “Siew” way.

Honestly, I started off by doing what many people did – showing up in ways that the "experts" said are right and best, following a scripted path that others came up with.??

Did it work?? Welllll… to a certain extent, I guess.??

Could I do it?? Sure!? I have the skills.

Did I enjoy it?? Absolutely not!

And therein lies the root of the problem.? I was resisting doing all the stuff that I was supposed to do because I was not aligned with all those actions.? I was simply a carbon copy of others instead of being ME.? Now, it doesn’t mean that I was making things up!? But I did put a filter on certain things.

Looking back, I realise that I was scared to put my authentic self out there because:

?? There is this invisible pressure to conform. ?

What is the “ín trend", what is working, where people are showing up, how writing is being done… There seems to be a standard methodology for success that everyone adheres to.? It creates this invisible pressure to conform, fueled by the fear that I can’t achieve success if I do it any other (aka my) way.

?? Self-doubt took control?

Never mind all the years of experience in my previous careers, I felt like a “newbie” in this transition journey.? A perfect opportunity for self doubt to invade and take control with their army of questions aimed to kill off any remaining confidence left in me: What if people don’t like me? Are my views too shallow? Do my thoughts sound silly? What if they find out that I am just an imposter?!

?? I didn’t have the courage to be me

The real me is a concoction of good and bad, strengths and weaknesses.? I didn’t quite dare to show it because it is a full package that you will inevitably receive. I didn’t have the courage to let people see the less than perfect side of me.??

And honestly, it is so much easier to just conform, to listen to those self-doubting voices, and to hide behind an AI-generated persona.??

Here’s what’s much harder to do:?

?? Know who we are

When we try to copy others and be like everyone else, we end up forgetting that we are unique in our own ways.? How often do we pause to think about who we really are as a person and what we represent?? If we do not know who this person we call "ME" really is (apart from the job titles and role functions), we probably won't even know what being authentic means.

?? Stop (Over) Learning From Others

This may sound counter-intuitive, but stop over-learning from wildly successful role models.?They have succeeded because they have found ways that work for them, not us.? Copying what they have done and trying to duplicate it on ourselves is near impossible.? Or else there would have been many Warren Buffets in this world, no? Learn what we need to learn, but also know what works for us and what doesn't.

?? Not everyone will like us and that’s ok

We need to have the courage to accept that not everyone will like us – and be OK with that.? The truth is, not everyone will like us – just like we won’t always like every single person who comes our way.??

"Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen." ~ Brene Brown

Doing what the rest of the world is doing, is actually the easiest.? We watch, and we copy.? No brains needed.? And most importantly, we don’t stick out like a sore thumb doing or saying something that is totally different. It feels safe.??

But beware the costs:

• We show up half-heartedly and risk being disconnected with people because they can sense our in-authenticity
• We end up playing small, not letting the world see our brilliance and light
• We risk losing ourselves in this process

To me, these are costs that I am unwilling to pay. So I will continue to build courage to be me and show up in my own unique SIEW way.?

If I resonate with you, please let me know.?? If I am not for you, everything’s good too. ??