Is Building Community More Than A Checklist Of Common Interests and Hobbies?

Sometimes you have conversations with some of your closest peers and collectively challenge the norm. Not to criticize our space or where we began, rather dive deep into the evolution of listening and learning more. Being okay with questioning the why and then asking what the same scenario looks like outside the space of aging services and senior living.?

Start here:??

Are You More Than Your Interests And Hobbies?

Are we deducing extraordinary people to a checklist of likes and interests? It feels like a modern day report card that evaluates the whole person, a lifetime of achievement, decades of exploration and wisdom to a mere list of interests that we can then list as options on a monthly calendar. As a collective industry we call this resident discovery. The “intake” forms for engagement do ask more open ended questions and we look at preferences around desired schedules, life stories (mostly focused on who someone was in the past, typically looking backwards instead of forwards) but we still think there is something missing in resident discovery.?

The data we collect is basic and helps to match residents to one another based on commonality. It’s absolutely better than nothing. But what’s next?

I know we have all done this and thought that as long as two people share an affinity for dogs or dominoes or cooking demonstrations, or if they are the same religion or both taught school then surely they will love to sit down, share a meal and strike up conversation.?

It’s not about what hobby or activity you choose to bring you joy, it is about why it brings you joy. What do you enjoy when you are doing it and why do you continue to engage?

What If We Discovered Staff & Residents In 3 Other Buckets??

1. Passion - why in the world do you do what you do when you do it and with whom you do it?
2. Purpose - what provides purpose that makes you relevant, seen, heard, excited for the next day, aspirational, fulfilled? We do things over and over again because it makes us feel a certain way.?
3. Personalities - Do we choose friends and build a relationship simply because they like what you like (food, travel, ethnicity, reading, painting, lifelong learnings, tv, movies, music, flowers)? Sometimes. Maybe, but it’s much deeper.?

As Kelly said, the differences in people and interests is what makes friendships and relationships interesting and enticing. How boring would a homogenous world be where you always gravitate towards people just like yourself?

Anna Hall is brilliant when it comes to unpacking all the contents around the nebulous and highly individualistic world of “purpose” and how you derive and understand? your “joy fuel”!?

Here is a more practical example of how we can move from a personal checklist of interest and hobby inventory to a sophisticated and meaningful snapshot of how passion, purpose and personality will most likely explain why one person desires to spend their day, regardless of age.

Sara’s Interests:

Watching sports, the beach, being outdoors, spicy thai food, early mornings, if any tv it has to be real life, not into movies, enjoys cooking (occasionally), arts and crafts if there is nothing else to do, live music, dancing (terribly), walking, running, yoga, bingo (why not), pinot grigio, Texas country music, two-stepping, laughing and playing with children, teaching, new restaurants, dive bars, a little bit of fashion, drives in the country, traveling, coffee, sunsets and sunrises, warm weather, history, reading non fiction and autobiographies, research, highway construction, airport logistics… If someone asked me my interests and hobbies this would be the start of my list off the top of my head. Try it! It’s not as easy as you might think.

What I Hope to Gain from These “Interests”

I am incredibly spontaneous and get bored easily. I love discovering new things and not knowing the answer or how something will end, even if it brings me a bit of anxiety. I love the joy you get from unexpected happenings (like winning money in Vegas:). I cannot sit still long enough to finish a movie and it feels like I’m wasting time when the TV is on. My mind fires like mad when I wonder how something complex works and how all the tiny moving parts create something that seems like clockwork to the common eye. Being outside makes me feel alive. If I do not have natural light and have to sit in the dark it makes me sad. I love music, not for the beat but for the words and the story, the lyrics make music, not the sound. I am country at my roots and most often recharge with simplicity. The beach and the waves remind me I am but a speck of something on this great big world and that as much power as we think we create as humans, we are not in control.?I am not a checklist!

Who Will I Connect With?

For the sake of humanity and safety, no matter what age, pray I do not get matched with people just like me. That looks like Thelma and Louise. We would be a nightmare. I find that so many of my friends are actually different than me, not identical. I seek balance in relationships. For example, I would rather sit and talk with the engineer that made the highway system rather than another person like me who is curious, but clueless.?

What If We Started Learning More About People Based On Something Deeper, More Intrinsic And Less “Senior Livingish”?

Think creativity, the doer, unending curiosity, lover of novelty, passionate for a cause, spontaneous, adventurous, nature lover, intellectual, decisive, organizer, agreeable, conscientious, free-spirit, harmonious…Google it! There are lists of hundreds of traits that we possess as humans. Some good, some bad. Then think about your relationships and why you like the people you do and why you do things together.?

Do you think everyone who attends a Paint and Sip really enjoys drawing and being creative? No, we all say yes for a different reason. Therefore when I am hosting an event around art, I would not just assume or invite my creative people. I believe the beauty of community is actually the unintentional, unexpected friendships and relationships that emerge. Community should open our minds even more, not keep us in analogous situations with similar people.

This is not to point fingers or to find fault. I have done this for almost 2 decades. It's not that we are incorrect in our efforts, but can we admit we may not be right? . How can we think differently and move away from tradition, admit we may be missing something, take a risk and try something new?