Building Bridges in Times of Strained Communication

It had been over nine years of few conversations, walking on glass, and feeling shut out from our daughter’s world.

The harder we tried to break down the wall, to communicate, to influence her into a different behavior, to open up, the thicker and more rigid the walls became. There seemed to be no bridge between us, only pain.

I have talked with many leaders who like me, also feel frustration, even anger as they are the recipients of the “no bridge” connection, just “speak to the hand”, hit the wall relationships.

As I reflect on my experience and that of many others it strikes me that many times when we feel “shut out”, we can be triggered into the need to push harder, prove our points, get them to see our pain, our side of the bridge. This however turns off the light of influence.

That is where I had been for over nine years. Pushing harder, seeing her through the lens of her behavior, driven by my own pain and deep frustration.

What I have learned is tha

And then a mentor opened my eyes to what intrinsic bridge building is and through this lens we gain clarity to create the ability to heal relationships. He encouraged me to show up that way for her if the opportunity came.

It did come just a few weeks later as she agreed to go with us to visit her brothers back east. We were walking across the Potomac River Bridge in Washington DC. with the White House in the background and hundreds of cars driving by.

In that moment the impression came to be real. I said, “Amy, I have been working with a mentor to better understand your grandpa’s depression and how it impacted my life. While doing this I realized that maybe I had done or said something to you as you were growing up, that made you feel like you were not enough, you were not okay. If so, Amy, I am sorry. Will you please forgive me?”

Time stood still for what seemed like an hour as she looked deep into my eyes and heart and then she said, “Dad, you did…but I forgive you.”

Over the next six months she called me many times and shared very challenging things that she had been going through. Each time we talked my prayer was “God, please help me to keep my mouth shut.” There was no need to fix, just listen as a bridge was built.

Perceived Influence can be a mirage of frustrating deception driven by expectations that block connection, clarity, and understanding. Real influence brings light.

If strained communication and relationships are weighing you down, let’s talk.