The Building Blocks Of Character

In order to become people of character, children must first develop three basic qualities that enable people to function well in a social world: self-control, conscience and empathy. These are the foundation on which character is built.

Self-Control

To most of us, self-control means will power: stopping yourself from taking that extra piece of cake. In child development, self-control means being able to get through your day doing the things you need to do without getting into trouble all the time — without wrecking things, harming or bothering people and without hurting yourself. Kids must have some ability to control themselves before they can start learning to make good decisions about how to behave in various situations. In other words, you won’t get very far in teaching your child about character if she hasn’t developed a few boundaries: the ability to stop herself from grabbing everything she sees, hitting people, screaming whenever she doesn’t get her way or running into the street without looking.

Self-control develops gradually throughout childhood as children learn other basic skills such as being able to pay attention, plan their actions and understand past and future. Parents help children learn self-control through gentle, consistent discipline that teaches and enforces the little unwritten everyday rules that we all live by — you can’t touch everything, don’t hit people, take turns with toys, clean up and be careful.

Conscience

In toddlers and pre-schoolers conscience starts with a sinking feeling that says, “I’ve done something wrong.” Like self-control this develops very gradually and, at first, it has to be learned with our guidance. A child needs to be able to understand when you think he has done something wrong before he can figure it out on his own.

Empathy

Empathy means being able to understand how other people feel and how our actions affect them. If we all lived alone, our actions would only affect ourselves, and our ideas about morality and good behaviour would be very different. But we live in a social world where we need to be able to see things from another person’s point of view. Empathy is what enables children to learn to be caring and compassionate. Empathy develops through a combination of normal brain development and socialization, which is learning how to be part of the world of people. Parents play a major role in socialization.

Children are born with a drive to connect with and understand other people. However, it takes several years for kids to develop a full understanding that other people have thoughts and feelings that are different from their own and how their actions and words can affect others.

Self-control, conscience and #empathy aren’t learned at one sitting. They come along gradually as normal development works hand-in-hand with social #experience and guidance from caring adults. Helping children develop these abilities is a crucial part of building their character.

Enjoy these insights about fatherhood? Sign Up for free on the “Fatherhood Fundamentals” email course to empower you on your parenting journey.

Learn More:

Have you listened to season two of The Dad Central Show Podcast?

In this conversation, Ed and Drew talk with Mike Whitla, the founder of Howdytoons Productions. Mike is a father of two adult boys who lost his wife to #suicide in 2019. Mike shares about the family experiences before and after his wife’s untimely death. There are moments in this conversation that may be difficult for some listeners, so please use discretion. Catch Up Now >>> https://dadcentral.ca/the-intense-pain-and-how-to-overcome-losing-a-spouse-to-suicide/