Build your own foundation

Recently I was reading a blog posting by Sarah Elkins – ‘We All Need a Foundation to Step Out of Our Comfort Zone’. It’s an interesting piece and after reading it, I considered whether I felt the basic premise was true. Do we need some sort of external “foundation piece” in order to successfully move forward out of our comfort zone?

Sarah describes a variety of “arbitrary objects” and then some events and behaviors in her own life. A particular car, thumb sucking, a special pet cat, a drink with a friend. Essentially a variety of constants, things to be depended upon, presumably things that can be controlled. She can choose to keep the car as long as she likes, it’s her thumb (!), it was her pet cat, her friendship is symbolized by the drink. Recognising these or others as foundations can clearly have value in understanding our personal motivations and values.

But do such foundations really give control?

If we base our behavior on the presence of such external factors are we truly in control? The car can be lost in a variety of ways (stolen, breakdown, collision …), the thumb will (normally) remain, but in adulthood sucking it is more likely to be perceived as childlike and looked down upon, pets die, friends leave. Realistically, our level of external control is considerably more limited than we might like to consider. We might instill enormous emotional value in a thing or another person, but when we do, are we building a foundation on shaky ground?

Simply, if we use any external factor as a foundation, then it can be lost. Then along with it goes our sense of stability, our sense of grounding. Most of us will have experienced this with someone (or something) we love, a partner, a family member, a pet. For others it may be the outcome of a burglary, an accident, an illness. We lose the essential ‘thing’ that acted as our foundation, the clock left by our grandfather, the glass dish we bought with our first paycheck, our ability to run. Each time this happens we are wounded and scarred by the experience, some never truly recovering from the event.

What’s the alternative?

Instead of using an external factor as a foundation, our real foundation should be ourselves. Not our abilities or skills, not any particular physical aspect of how we look or behave. Instead we should choose a sense of self and breathing. The two things that whilst we are alive we will always have.

Using these two as foundations provides a basis for moving out of our comfort zone at any time. If we find ourselves uncomfortable or even distressed as something unexpected and new happens to us, then using these two we can rediscover our center at any time. No need for external factors. Breathing helps us to stabilize and learn about ourselves, our sense of self-awareness helps us to move outwards, expanding our comfort zone as we go. Accepting and handling the distress that can limit our abilities to reach for the new.

Simple steps towards being your own foundation.

‘Breathing’: there are many resources on meditation or mindfulness available on the web, you can find plenty of free guided meditations or mindful breathing recordings or descriptions. However the basic approach is as follows:

1. Find a comfortable position to sit or lie, ideally not too comfortable or dark as the intention is not to fall asleep.
2. Begin to gently focus your attention on your breathing. Notice how each breath feels as you inhale and exhale. Feel your chest rise and fall, the movement of air through your nostrils or mouth. The additional movements of abdomen and back. Concentrate on the sensations of breathing.
3. As you do this, your mind may begin to wander, distracted by other thoughts or stimuli, ideas, noises, vibrations, lights. When this happens, don’t worry, simply take note of what distracted you and then draw your attention back to your breathing.
4. When you feel like you’ve had enough, then expand your attention outwards from your breathing to the space surrounding you. Relax and when you feel ready move on with your day.

 ‘Self’: It’s all about the learning…

• Learn to love who you are and you will always have someone to turn to who loves you.
• Learn how you think and you will always have someone who understands you.
• Learn what you enjoy and you will always know how to have a good time.

Remember...

We discover ourselves by pushing outside our comfort zone.
We expand our comfort zones by learning from those discoveries.
We learn by taking the time to breathe and consolidate the experiences.

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