Build Trust Through Integrity

Have you ever confided in someone? I’m sure you have. Many people feel the need to tell someone a secret. Secrets are both personal and meaningful. We want to share a piece of ourselves with someone else. It’s one way we choose to connect with another person. Sharing a secret is a way of establishing and building trust with the other person. It’s a needed part of the relationship.

Have you ever shared a secret?

Sharing a secret is risky business. You do not want that person sharing your secret with anyone else. It’s a step of trust. How much do you trust that person? More than words can say. But you know the trust is there. But have you ever thought about how that trust was built. And yes, it was built.

Like a house is built brick by brick, trust is built word by word.

Trust does not happen automatically. We create different types of relationships with people; this is by design. These relationships include familial, friend, and co-worker, among many others. Within each relationship, a different type of trust is created. Given the context of the relationship, you may trust a friend to a higher extent than you would a family member – no judgment, it’s just the way it is.

The question is: Why?

More importantly, how?

It’s Nothing You’ve Said or Done?

Have you ever asked, then answered, the question: Why do I trust ‘someone’?

It’s nothing you’ve said or done. You trust someone for two reasons:

Reason #1: The other person is a person of integrity.

Reason #2: The other person is consistent with their words and behaviors. ?

From these two attributes, you learn to trust the other person. Trust is an innate human need. We need to depend upon, rely upon, and trust other people in our lives. The human psyche needs to know that there are people in this world that you can go to for help, advice, guidance, and support.

Walking the Path – A Leader’s Journey?

I open the narrative in Walking the Path with trust. John, the main protagonist, is facing a probable impasse in his life. He is about to turn eighteen. As such, both the community in which he lives, and, more importantly, his father, expect him to adopt his responsibilities of taking over his father’s farm. To get to that point, his father must put John in leadership roles. This should start on his 18th birthday. ?

But John is not interested in being a life-long farmer. He is not interested in living up to the expectations of others. He wants to know if there is life outside the valley, beyond the community in which he grew up.

Growing up, he developed a relationship with a close family friend, Jose. Jose is both a mentor and a much-needed confidant. Over time, John learned to trust Jose, even more than he trusts members of his own family.

The following is the first part of the story . . .

Can I Trust You????

“Can I trust you not to tell my father?” John asked. He felt ashamed for even asking the question, and it showed. John sat at the kitchen table of a good friend’s house. A cozy fire was burning in the other room. The whole house felt as warm as his mother’s kitchen when she spent the day baking breads and pies. To John, sitting at Jose’s kitchen table was just like being home. He was safe and relaxed. And if he were to admit it, he felt vulnerable.

John has known Jose his whole life. Whenever John had a problem that he felt he could not talk to his father about, he would turn to Jose. Over the years, this became a much more frequent alternative than asking his father about anything. As John was facing his eighteenth birthday, Jose was as much a father-figure as any man.

Jose sat across from John, looking at the back of John’s head, which was bent forward. When John raised his head again, he saw the compassion in his friend’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” John said. “I . . . that was a stupid question.”

Trust is Built into the Relationship ?

“There are no stupid questions,” Jose said in defense, but in a calm and clear manner. “You face some difficult decisions in life. With that comes uncertainty and confusion.” Jose paused and considered his own thoughts. “You can trust me not to tell your father. I am not insulted by your inquiry. It is good that you asked the question, in fact. So please, listen and consider my words. Our relationship is of great value to me. I would never betray you. However, I feel that this time, I act in foolishness. It is not that I will betray you. It is that I can no longer protect you.”

John smiled weakly. The words were important to hear. But the burden of his friend’s words came crashing down around him. John felt the burden of his life closing in on him. He was suffocating. As if this moment, and every moment that followed, was going to make the biggest impact on the rest of his life. He did not want to feel like this. Now that the moment had arrived, he wished he was like the others in his community. He wished he could feel settled and complete in the community that he grew up in. He wished he could feel rested and restful with his family and working on the farm. But every day that he woke up, those feelings never rose up inside of him. And the struggle to find some sort of peace in his life evaded him.

Whom Do You Trust?

Do you trust at least one person in your life? Do you long to talk to someone with whom you can share intimate, real-life problems and situations. If the answer is no, then I hope this article motivates you to seek out people and build true relationships with them.

Thanks for reading.

Credit for images: www.pixabay.com

About the Author

Dr. Keith McNally is host of the Question Guy Podcast! He is also the author of Walking the Path – A Leader’s Journey. Additionally, Dr. McNally is a content creator and ghostwriter.?Walking the Path is a guide to impact leadership through a social consciousness model. If you need to step up your leadership impact or are looking for someone to help you write your leadership story (in book format), he’s the guy! In fact, he’s The Question Guy!?