Build Relationships, Not Walls

My advice- Don't build a wall!

I try to remind teachers to be careful in their interactions with students; often teachers build a wall when they should be building bridges.

Example: Charley is fooling around with a gadget by his desk.

Teacher gives him "the look." Charley stops... for a minute.

Teacher uses a hand motion as she continues teaching. Charley ignores it.

Teacher uses proximity - walks over and is in his space. Charley puts it out of sight... until the teacher walks away, and then he takes it out again.

Teacher walks over and puts out her hand. She might even say "Give me the toy." Charley properly puts it away.

Teacher says...

1-   "I said give it to me!" Teacher just changed the mission statement, picked a fight, and has the class hoping for a confrontation. Teacher against student. Wall was built.

2-   "Good choice." Teacher owns the situation, praises the child, and crisis is averted.

(Should the teacher be noticing the child playing with the toy? That's a discussion for another time!)

A second example: 

A child is screaming at the teacher, possibly (probably?) calling the teacher names. The child is yelling how unfair the testing schedule is or other such complaints. 

The teacher should not be allowing such disrespect.

1-   Teacher says, "You are speaking disrespectfully. I will not tolerate such behavior. Come back and talk to me what you calm down."

2-   Teacher says, "You are very upset. Go get a drink and come back to talk to me when you are ready."

If you chose #2 you are a winner! Angry people can't listen. The teacher who does not take it personally will give the child a chance to calm down and realize how he/she was wrong. 

 Choice #1 puts up a wall. Now the child leaves angry/angrier, and the child now feels the teacher is not listening, is so mean... etc. The child will not come to any realization and no growth occurs.

So- back to my original advice -don't build walls!