The Bucket List By: Dr. Rolando M. Ochoa

A few years back, while visiting my son's family out of town, I seized the opportunity to connect with my seven-year-old grandson. The park nearby offered an ideal setting for a stroll, a chance to bridge the generational gap that often loomed between us.

?As we wandered along the park's trails, my grandson, a miniature reflection of my youthful self, broke the silence with a curious question.

?"Grandpa, how old are you?"

?"I am 70. Why do you want to know?" I replied, matching his pace.

?"Do you have a Bucket List?" he asked, his tone attempting nonchalance.

?The term "Bucket List," alike to a Wish List, held a hefty significance. Its origin traced back to the archaic expression "Kicking the Bucket," a euphemism for death. It denoted aspirations to be fulfilled before one met their inevitable demise.

?The morbid etymology of "Kicking the Bucket" linked to a chilling historical practice: standing on a bucket during execution or suicide. Whether kicked by another or oneself, the bucket would serve as a catalyst for the journey into the afterlife.

?Other interpretations of the phrase were less grim. In one, an old Catholic tradition involved placing a bucket filled with Holy Water near the feet of the deceased during their wake. As mourners gathered to pay their respects, they would sprinkle the Holy Water on the body. Legend held that when rigor mortis set in, causing the legs to stiffen and extend, they inadvertently kicked the bucket to the floor.

?The notion of discussing such matters with a seven-year-old, however astute, felt inappropriate. Uncertain whether my grandson comprehended the full context or merely heard the phrase in passing, I cautiously navigated the conversation. His sequential inquiry about my age preceding the mention of a bucket list hinted at a potential awareness of the connection. Aware from my experience as a parent that brevity often sufficed where intricate explanations might overwhelm, I resolved to gauge his understanding further.

?"Why do you ask?" I inquired, observing as my grandson absentmindedly toyed with a twig, its tip tracing circles in the air as he spoke.

?"Dad mentioned it the other day, but when I asked him, he just said it's like a 'Wish List.' I don't get why we use different words for the same thing," he explained, his focus shifting to tapping small branches near the trail.

"You're onto something there. They're alike in some ways, but not quite the same," I replied, considering my response carefully.

?"So, what's the difference?" he pressed, his tone tinged with curiosity.

?His persistence hinted at a deeper understanding, a subtle probing for honesty. Caught in this delicate balance, I weighed my words. It was a moment to impart a life lesson, one often overlooked by parents fearing to impart melancholy truths.

?We often reassure ourselves with the notion: "He'll figure it out in due time, why jeopardize his happiness now?"

?Yet, the flaw lies in the assumption that they'll revisit the question, potentially seeking answers elsewhere. While they may stumble upon the truth, there's also the possibility they won't.

?Death, an undeniable facet of existence, loomed as the backdrop to our conversation. My grandson's inquiry wasn't just about understanding the concept; it harbored an emotional undertone, hinting at a sobering anticipation of my eventual departure. It was imperative to tread gently, addressing his curiosity with care and sensitivity.

?"Bucket List is a term for things you hope to accomplish before you pass away," I explained, hoping to conclude the discussion swiftly and transition to lighter topics.

"Why 'Bucket' though?" he persisted, his curiosity unyielding.

?My attempt at diversion faltered in the face of his astuteness. Now, caution was paramount.

?"Give me a moment to gather my thoughts for an accurate explanation," I requested, buying time to formulate a response with care.

?By then, we had reached the tranquil edge of the small lake, a picturesque spot adorned with numerous picnic tables. My grandson recognized the area well, having frequented it with his parents for leisurely afternoons of play, swimming, and the occasional bout of fishing. Seated across from each other at one of the tables, a sense of serenity enveloped us.

?"Bucket List derives from the phrase 'Kicking the Bucket,' which refers to passing away. It's a way to jot down the things you hope to accomplish before that happens," I explained, hoping my brief explanation would suffice. A fleeting moment of wishful thinking.

?"Is there an actual bucket involved?" he queried; his curiosity unquenched.

?"No, it's just a figure of speech," I replied, exhaling slowly, bracing myself for the inevitable follow-up.

?"How does someone kick the bucket when they die?" he pressed on, his gaze fixed on me intently.

?I launched into an explanation of the bucket tradition at wakes, his fascination evident in every attentive glance. As I concluded, gratified that I had satisfied his curiosity, he posed his final question.

?"So, what's on your Bucket List?" he inquired eagerly.

?"Let's save that conversation for another one-on-one," I deflected gently. "Shall we change the subject?"

?"Okay, Grampa. Thanks!" he agreed with a nod, signaling the end of our discussion on the matter.

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