BS Bingo: The game of jargon that no one wins

Let’s play a game. For your next work meeting, print out the BS Bingo card at the bottom of this article and cross out each rancid bit of jargon that spews forth at the rate and intensity of a well-fed toddler with stomach flu.

(You have my permission to strangle the first person who utters low-hanging fruit — unless you happen to work in an orchard.)

Sadly, there are no winners in BS Bingo. We all lose when people embrace gobbledygook instead of simple, direct language that brings clarity and understanding.

“Jargon is a way of hiding complete and abysmal ignorance” is how my English professor Eric McCormack put it.

He’s right, of course. Many people routinely repeat phrases and terms without really knowing what they mean. 

But many professions use jargon as a way to include fellow members and exclude others. Lawyers are among the best/worst at this. I’m convinced legal language is so labyrinthian because it’s really just a make-work scheme for the armies of lawyers needed to decipher it.

Finance, technology and healthcare have plenty of equally exclusive terms but I’d prefer my doctor to tell me I’ve got a runny nose rather than the scary-sounding medical term rhinorrhea.

Unfortunately, communications and public relations people are also terrible offenders. This is a bizarre failure for a profession that supposedly values and produces clean, clear communication.

No one ever comes home and says: “Hi honey. Heavy lifting today efforting outside-the-box ideating and workshopping to drill down on the client’s big ask so we can action the reveal with the wow factor when we touch base and dialogue with them next week.”

So why do people feel the need to dish out that crap at work? (Translation: “Hi honey. Busy day trying to think and work through the client’s request so we can present the most creative solution when we talk to them next week.”)

Sometimes jargon is required as the proper medical, legal or financial term. But you must explain it immediately in plain language. If you don’t understand it then neither will your audience, so you must keep asking questions until the meaning is clear. 

Equally common and equally vile are the phrases cutting-edge, ground-breaking and state of the art. Does any company really build a factory or office without modern technology? Instead of repeating these meaningless hype words, use descriptive writing to show why the product, service or idea is so great.

Jargon’s relationship to real human language is akin to Gollum’s connection to his hobbit roots — twisted, tortured and tormented.

If the Lord of the Rings analogy didn’t grab you then perhaps you’ll listen to Grumpy Cat (RIP) on whether BS ever belongs in your emails, meetings, presentations and conversations.

People like to use long, polysyllabic words and complicated terms in the belief they convey a sense of expertise or importance. 

The opposite is true. If you really want to sound smart and prove your grasp of the topic, follow what author George Orwell said in his Six Rules For Writing: “Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.”

Orwell’s rules also include: “Never use a long word where a short one will do.”

One embellished word I hate — and it’s not even that long — is utilise. The lovely little use means exactly the same thing.

When I was living in the United States for a few years, I heard a truly awful word many times but first from a woman chatting on her mobile phone: “I was conversating with her just yesterday”. Er, what? Don’t you mean talking?

Communication is all about connecting with people with a clear message. Anything that dilutes or impedes that message must be removed. 

Trim the fat. Cut the fluff. Don’t use five words when one — the short and right one — will do. 

Instead of a large number, use many. Instead of is of the opinion that, use thinks. Instead of in the event that, use if. Instead of at the present time, use now. 

Last are words that people routinely misuse. Here are just three examples:

Literally means something actually happened or will happen. “If I pour this water on my head, I literally will be wet.” Unless you’re speaking figuratively, if you say “I literally died laughing” then you went to the grave with a smile on your face and are now a ghost telling us about it.

Revert, which I see in many emails, does not mean reply or get back to you. It means regress or return to a previous state as in “She reverted to the first version when the client changed his mind about the latest draft”.  

Unique does not mean special or extraordinary or anything else except one of a kind. By definition, something cannot be very unique, quite unique or nearly unique. Again, use descriptive language — rather than hype words — to show the virtues and benefits.

Here I will leave you with the immortal words of author Mark Twain: “Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.”

In the case of jargon, every rancid bit is the wrong word.

Thanks for playing BS Bingo. Think liberally about variations when filling up the card below — ideate, ideation and ideating are equally rotten, for example.

I’ve left the centre square blank. What will you put there as your most-hated example of meaningless crap?