TO THE BROKENHEARTED

I am overwhelmed. Surprisingly, I see tears come out of my eyes as I write this. As I write to the woman whose leadership capacity and skills is being questioned simply because she is a woman. To the mother who is called Oriaku but she is the sole breadwinner and caregiver to her children. To the lady, who is deprived of peace at home simply because she is unmarried. To the young girl who is being sexually and financially exploited by the people that suppose to protect her. To the one who was given no access to education and opportunities because of her gender. To the wife who is left to choose between divorce and beatings. To the body shamed. To those whose pains, struggles and fears are not known by anyone. To all the brokenhearted women I write.

As a child I saw the pains and the struggles my mum has to go through to provide and protect us. I saw how several women in the village are treated with no respect by their husbands. I heard people say that investment in women is a waste of money. I was told that people mocked my father for sending my elder sister to secondary school because to them ‘women’s education ends in the kitchen’. I saw how several men beat their wives for not giving them food when they never gave the woman money to cook. These things shaped me greatly, I grew up praying not to be like the men in my society. I saw and heard stories of how women are constantly being exploited in the name of love and I aimed to never bring pain to a woman.?

Your struggles may not be like what I just described but you have your own peculiar and unique battle as a woman. You have your own series of past pains and hurtful experiences. You are both desiring to be married and deeply scared of whose hands you will end up with. You may have had to deal with many who think being your friend is doing you a favor. Sometimes, the bigger struggle is with body shape, looks and things that you have absolutely no control of. Maybe you are working twice harder than your male counterparts just to be seen as half as good as them. Maybe you are dealing with the challenges of pregnancy, child care and career advancement at the same time. Maybe, your husband's family has become a thorn in the flesh to you. Maybe no one seems to understand.

History is full of women who made it big against all odds. You too can become one. Never give up the fight, never allow society to destroy the goodness in you. Never allow the ugly past and present experiences to define your future.? The heartbreak? may have had a huge blow on you, but it doesn’t have to destroy you. Part of the song ‘This is Me’ from the Greatest showman reads: “When the sharpest words wanna cut me down, I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out. I won't let them break me down to dust,“. Be determined, be bold and be resolute about your success and happiness. Aim to be excellent, aim to stand out. It could be very difficult but I know you’re strong. I know you’re strong enough to overcome, strong enough to rise, strong enough to turn painful stories into beautiful ones. Strong to be that phenomenal woman that Maya? Angelou spoke of in her famous poem titled ‘ Phenomenal Woman’.

Paul wrote to young Timothy saying, “Let no man despise you because you are young”. In the same way I write to you, let no one despise you because you are a woman. But you have to first believe in yourself. If you don’t stand and fight your way up, no one will fight for you. I say to you in the words of John Mason, “Know your limits and Ignore them.” Yes, there are some obvious limitations but they don’t have to stop you. Dream big! Dream bigger! I have seen and heard wonderful stories of women who worked their way to becoming renowned leaders and great inspiration despite ugly past experiences. They may have told you there is a glass ceiling above, but when you rise, you will be amazed to discover that there is really none.? Finally, let these selected parts of Maya Angelou poem ‘I arise’ inspire you to keep rising.

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Out of the huts of history’s shame

I rise

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

Happy International Women's Day