A Broken Social Fabric: The Misconceptions of Marriage in Pakistan

If a competition was held for the most misconceived idea in the sub-continent, marriage would win by a fair margin. Whether it be the alarming rise in the extramarital affairs or the recent news of a man assaulting his pregnant wife to the extent of her death, everything points towards the wrongs in the social fabric no one can right. This often makes me ponder over the reasons behind the quagmire this population walks in.

Elders calling the Shots

Children who grow up in this part of the world have their entire course of life pre-defined by the elders of the house. From the school you walk into to the number of children (along with their pregnancy timelines) you are going to have dictated by the elders. School is followed by college and 2 years after that, the quest for the pre-decided undergraduate programs starts. Passing out from the university leads to job hunt and if you are among the few lucky ones to score a job, the pressure from your relatives to get married becomes insurmountable.

It would have worked perfectly if it remained like that throughout the life. Sadly, that never is the case. Problems arise when a child programmed to bow down to everything said by the elders starts to realize he did not get a chance at love two years after his arranged marriage. When the actual time comes to practice restraint, he rather acts on everything that may help him feel liberated.

Ill-perceived Notions

Most men (especially the married ones) believe looking after the financial well-being of the household is proof enough that you love your family. When they are capable to do so, the legitimacy of an affair outside marriage magnifies. Love is not something you can properly define or quantify, neither does it provide for the household. I think only a right combination of mental compatibility and realizing your responsibilities can hold you together through thick and thin.

Taking the opposite gender into consideration, women in this part of the world have to bear the brunt of a male-dominated society from a tender age. When people from both the genders habitually comment over the appearance of a girl, a sense of insecurity and an urge to look their best start to develop. For a woman’s beauty resides in her appearance while her attire defines the character. Although this has taken the profits of the cosmetic brands through the roof, this factor has had the widest and most everlasting impact on the gender. Considering the average per capita income, the majority of the population can only stare at the product catalogue of brands like Victoria’s Secret.

Resultantly, peer pressure that brews from insecurities combined with a lack of emotional support sways them towards infidelity. The consistent objectification along with the emotional exploitation by men just to brag about it in their social circle has developed resentment. Furthermore, dual standards in each aspect of life adds fuel to the fire. Smoking a cigarette can damage a man’s lungs, but boy, oh boy! what it does to a woman’s character.

Hush! We don’t talk about it

People in this part of the world have a single rule to deal with every complicated subject. Avoid and declare taboo. From menstrual hygiene to sexual health, everything is declared taboo. Naturally, this creates a fascination for the topic, compelling the young brains to self-explore. An inquisitive yet younger mind in a region where there is no guidance (or answer to the queries) to be sought creates the perfect recipe for a disaster. On top of it, pressure to have kids starts mounting once a couple gets married. For our elders have a firm belief that if you are married in January, you should be holding a baby in September.

What it leads to is even more startling. A mind extremely uneducated (in this regard) ends up impregnating their spouse in the first month after marriage. Now, they have to deal with persistent mood swings, rigorous hormonal changes, and possess sheer degree of piousness throughout the journey while having zero knowledge about any of it. Absence of any mental compatibility acts as a cherry on top. This is followed by the frustration build-up at home where the man tries to locate solace elsewhere.

Oh No! It’s a Girl

The urge for a male heir in a population that has a majority living below the poverty line is astonishing. The reactions of the family members upon knowing they are having a girl are saddening. With husbands going mute and their mothers cursing the bearer of the child for bringing bad luck, it is strange to see women discouraging an addition of the same gender in their family. All of this happens in families who have no castles, wealth, or empires to bequeath.

Imagine a person who is disliked before even being born, working hard to be financially independent, and becoming the sole earner of the family while the much-awaited and pampered male heirs sit at home, being a burden on everyone. Even at this time, the family opts not to marry the sole earner since she is the ‘Goose that Laid the Golden Eggs’.

Wrapping it Up

This is a society possessing confusion at the national level. A place where religious textbooks tell how the practice of burying daughters alive ended, while the families practicing that religion suggest aborting pregnancies leading to the birth of a daughter. There is a dire need for developing policies that are inclusive, clear, and encourage ethical as well as technical training of the population. This and a strict implementation of rule of law is what can actually help a country with high inflation and low literacy rate.