Brogues and proud flesh

I remember, at age 11, visiting Scotland with my family the trouble I had understanding peoples’ speech. It was challenging in the southern part of the country, but as we journeyed north and more Gaelic was mixed in, it became almost impossible. This disconcerted and frustrated me. And as kids do, I repeatedly asked what was being said to the intensifying annoyance of my parents. Eventually, I stopped trying. I missed out on a lot.

I have a Scottish friend, fairly new “off the boat” in this country, and I am finding that either I am still very much a kid (which I am in many ways!), or I still have trouble understanding the Scottish brogue. It’s disconcerting. Frustrating, too. But, as an adult, I’m not going to miss out this time.

Thank goodness, therefore, for my decades working with horses!?They are paragons of clear communication, both in their herd, and with humans. They’re aware. They listen. They try to understand. And when we don’t act likewise, they stop trying, just like I did as a child.?

Think about it from the horse’s perspective: Why keep making an effort when differences in horse/human communication aren’t addressed?? What if attempts to comply fail, will there be reprimands? Or if they choose not to comply, how will they be chastised?

We’ve all seen it and probably done it as horse trainers, leaders, employees, parents, family, and friends when we get frustrated, and act out of impatience, stress, or ego. We use force rather than power, anger rather than acceptance, ultimatums rather than inspiration.

And although we may get what we want in the moment, the frustration and resentment simmering below the surface of those we are communicating with will surface in negative ways at some point.

It’s like “proud flesh,” on a horse’s leg where the body overproduces granulation tissue on top of a wound to close the gap, impeding the true healing of the laceration beneath it. ?

That’s why, for success when you’re training horses, you must be aware of what you're saying not just with your words, but your body, and, yes, your energy, too (We’ll talk about the science of “good and bad vibes” another time). Leadership begins with awareness.

After awareness, comes acceptance. Accept that a horse has a different way of experiencing the world than a human. Accept that your greater amount of gray matter means you can and should be taxing your brain for intelligible ways to communicate.

?For example:

• ?Maybe the question you're asking needs to be broken down into simpler parts?
• ?Maybe those you are trying to communicate with have perspectives that ought to be addressed first?
• Maybe if the task you’ve presented isn’t accepted, you can find a way to make the right way easy and the wrong way hard, leaving the choice up to the individual, thus, fostering understanding and compliance?

?It turns out, others have difficulty understanding my Scottish friend, too.

“He speaks so fast!”

“His accent is impossible to understand.”?

“He uses words I’ve never heard before.”

?“Have you told him that?,” I ask.

?“It’s embarrassing to admit.”

“I’d be interrupting him all the time.”

?“What if he thinks he’s being understood, but in actuality, he’s not?” I continue. “Will he be frustrated? Angry?? Hurt? Confused?”

?“Well, maybe.”

?“What if people made sure they understood his speech, and the differences in his culture and values as well?

?“Hmm…. starting where?”

?“Starting with awareness of your communication style -words, emotions, and body language.?Addressing whatever the issue is in his communication style: rapid speech, unknown words, pronunciation issues. Accepting different perspectives. Horses have monocular vision meaning they can see two totally different images at once, humans binocular so they have 3D vision. How do those differences in perception affect behavior? What would be the benefit of donning the opposing viewpoint?”

?“Better communication. A healthier relationship.”

Which brings us back to proud flesh. To eradicate it, you’ve got to get to the “meat” of it. ?Scrape or cut it out.?Make it bleed, not once, but every day to ensure healing from the inside out. Watch for possible infection and treat it before it becomes a bigger problem.

Remember, to improve anything from proud flesh, to understanding Scottish brogue, from your organization, to your own self, it has to start from the inside out and that can only happen if you make yourself AWARE.

Then you have to accept it.

And then?

That's for another Spark!

Cheery bye,

?Susanna

?

?

?

?