Broccoli By Any Other Name

“A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.” This is Juliet saying that Romeo would be just as handsome if, for instance, he was named “Cletus” or “Tadgh.” But in the world of clean food labels, food activists insist that we can only have beautiful names like Romeo.

Encouraged by the popular writer Michael Pollan and the blogger Vani “the Food Babe” Hari, both encourage people not to buy any food with ingredients they can’t pronounce. Hari is concerned that this is a likely indication it hasn’t been part of the human diet for long enough to trust. I wonder if either of them drinks coffee with methylxanthine alkaloid 1,3,7-trimethylpurine-2,6-dione. It’s probably best that we don’t list that unpronounceable name by its more common name, “caffeine.” 

It’s also a good thing we don’t label Vitamin D by its scientific name “Ergocalciferol”, Vitamin B12 “hydroxocobalamin” or even list the essential mineral “molybdenum.” It could get worse. What if we listed the chemicals in common foods?

If broccoli were required to list its chemical make-up as ingredients, it would include glucosinolates and S-methyl cysteine sulphoxide as well as polyphenols such as kaempferol, quercetin glucosides and isorhamnetin. Carrots contain trace amounts of succinic acid, α-ketoglutaric acid, lactic acid and glycolic acid. Water, of course, is dihydrogen monoxide. 

In truth, every single food and component of food is a chemical and most of the names are not pronounceable. It doesn’t matter whether they are natural or synthetic. By weight, 99.99 percent of the pesticides we consume are natural. Plants cannot exist without natural pesticides – after all, there are 10,000,000,000,000,000,000 (10 quintillion) insects alive on the planet trying to eat them at any given moment. Oh, and don’t forget, a lot of those bugs like maggots and roaches end up in food. Pizza sauce can contain 15 more fly eggs and one or more maggots. If they were on the label and you could pronounce them, would they not only appear “clean” but also would qualify as organic. 

Admittedly, the federal government isn’t much help in choosing healthy foods with complex percent daily value (on food labels); USDA’s simplistic ChooseMyPlate; and nutrition guidelines. The latest from the latter suggests that more than one glass of wine per day for women is necessary to avoid harmful effects.

Who knows, maybe by some statistical miracle choosing foods that don’t have unpronounceable ingredients may lead to a healthier diet, at least for some people. But if it’s miracle statistics you’re counting on, here’s a simpler one. Every time you see a food in a supermarket or on a menu you’re interested in, flip a coin – heads you eat it, tails you don’t. 

Shakespeare was right. Darth Vader could have been called Romeo but it wouldn’t make him a better person. There are better ways coming onto the market that will help you choose a healthy diet like personalized wearable nutrition devices. Clean labels is a gimmick you don’t need. 

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