Britney & The Bankers

Woke up this morning  with 3 interesting bits of news. Britney (Spears) of the “Hit Me Baby One More Time” fame was in the news … Fox News that is. So were 2 big name Banks in Singapore. 

While Britney showed off how much weight she had lost in 2 weeks of quarantine – the two large Banks told us how many ‘Hundreds of Millions” they have lost over the last 2 months and how they plan to shed far more in the coming quarters.

I laughed till, I couldn’t hold back the tears any more. The parallel between Britney’s pop hits and the Banks lending to Maritime and Oil/Gas sectors was too far fetched even for a futurist with a glazed crystal Ball.

As music afficiandos will remember, “Hit me Baby…” (1997) took the world by storm. Even the Asian Financial crisis didn’t affect its popularity. The Asian Banks had found their Lode Star in Britney; They turned their eyes to the blossoming Oil & Gas & Maritime sectors …

Soon they hired ‘wet behind the ears’ MBA grads with notional maritime experience as VeeP of their “Ship Finance division”; These dudes bought their shiny suits/shoes, practiced walking with a swagger and were ready to roll. Their immense experience of rolling & pitching in the 3-4 years they spent at sea….was crucial and noted with much appreciation by the stony faced career Bankers. “You are one of us …”, they exclaimed with glazed eyes as millions of $$$ in bonuses loomed over the horizon like a starry night at sea.

It was time for Britney to show up  … she released “Oops! I did it again” (2000);  It was a super hit … The Bankers were ecstatic … so did crude oil, as prices jumped in excitement (barring a sharp & shortlived dip immediatelty post 9/11);

The Loans & Bonuses piled up as the party continued … until .. you guessed it Britney .. with “In the Zone..”; Weren’t they all … they probably all were ‘Zoned’ when Britney released …”Black Out” (2007); 

The Asian scions were chafing in family owned enterprises … and were promptly let loose on the Bankers … charming and armed with Western Degrees from dubious institutions … the party went long into the night … the loans were cleared even before the sozzled heads did …

Came the “Circus” (2008) by Britney. It was indeed fast turning into one as she toured worldwide … Lehman not withstanding …  With no checks & balances - the lending tap was left open to the well heeled & well connected as was the Bar on Rooftops …as the well endowed served them all … ..until Britney decided it was going too far ... and came up with “Femme Fatale” (2011); 

The show was not over yet … to avoid write-offs, the Banks lent more & more as while, the maritime professionals, long in the tooth … unwanted & ungalmourous, watched in dismay.

New Building Assets at make shift yards were financed for $100’s of millions …; When sent a Surveyor’s report on one such yard … pat came the response from the Bank … “kill it … or else”…. and the paltry payment for services (S$2500) was withheld for 6 months …

 “The Oil price is zooming … whaddoyouknow….”, a prominent Banker told me, the 27 year old scion of now Bankrupt listed entity smiling broadly, next to him. … before it was Britney “Glory” (2016) calling the shots again; Uncanny timing .... as only showbiz can teach you ..

As she “Hit me … one more time” early AM with the Fox News story …. I knew the Banks are going to follow … and on cue … they did ….with losses my $5 calculator doesn’t have digits for.... “nough said…

The supporting cast … they are still around … the Scion zooming in his fancy Sports Car 2 months ago … bankruptcy hadn’t quite take the shine off him or the car; … The young VP  has grown bald and rotund; His bonus for 2020 has run aground … 

‘ ere long the loans will be refloated & the bonus will be rolled over ….

Do watch out for Britney’s next Album … 

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Shankar