Bringing your authentic self to work

Authenticity –Does it matter whether you bring your authentic self to work?

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t either read or hear about the concept of “bringing your authentic self to work. What are we are talking about?

Does it mean we should dress in a certain way, behaving differently depending on the environment? Unfortunately, I’ve heard various stories confirming that this happens more than we think, and particularly in the workplace.

Is this a transformed version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? This duality of human nature – the idea that every single human being must decide and choose which part to bring to work.

Can you bring your authentic self to work? Can you be your best self at work? Can you be your whole self? Bring your full self to work?

Depending on the many existing descriptions I found on Google, authentic originates from the ancient Greek word “authentikos”, which resembles both in form and in meaning the contemporary word “authentic”: original, genuine, principal. However, the Latin root of the word "authenticity" is "author", so being "authentic" doesn't mean being who you are, it's about being your own "author". Authenticity is an active and creative process.

If I merge those two descriptions and add my personal touch: being genuine, sincere, and determining whom I want to become once I have identified who I am. Think and act responsibly, applying the values of integrity, honesty, and moral ethics

When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. M. Angelou

Can a person be authentic?

Let me share my authenticity journey. You can be authentic with consistency. Authenticity requires vulnerability, transparency, and integrity. Being true to yourself, accepting and appreciating that not everybody will like it. Throughout my journey, I lost friends, at least I thought they were friends. Knowing who I am, what I like, what I dislike, determining my core values have helped me. Making no compromise on my values. (The article is continued below)

One day, I was sitting in a meeting room, waiting for colleagues and ready to provide support. The manager came in and kicked me out.” What are you doing here, you are not part of the meeting and have not been invited”? The manager was trying to undermine and humiliate me. I stayed true to myself, as was expecting an emotional reaction. My values helped me to determine the best answer to this incident. I remained calm, and more importantly respectful, towards the manager's disrespectful behavior. I answered: “Well, let me leave the room if my presence is not needed”. From this awkward situation, I learned that someone’s problem should not become mine. You can easily get derailed and act differently, but I kept the focus on what was important to me - leaving the room with dignity

People who know me, know that I’m generally smiling to the point that it became my brand, my signature. One day someone asked me: “Khady what’s happening to you, you are not smiling today?” as if by saying this, I would suddenly start smiling. I do not smile on command. Authenticity is a daily practice; I’m not seeking anyone’s approval to be myself. I would rather be myself than be a fit. When I buy shoes, they need to fit as my feet only allow me to wear a size 39 or 8,5/9 (EU/US). Why would I try to fit within a society or organization that is constantly changing? When it comes to people, I embrace who they are, what they bring to the table. The value they add. I invite them to show up as they are.

If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be. M. Angelou

The interviewing process is another example. Are you being authentic-self or your best self? How much are you trading off to be considered as the final best candidate? Over the years, there were situations where I got rejected during the selection process. Particularly when there is an assessment process included. Do you know why? Because I can’t be my authentic self with role plays. Also don’t forget, not everybody embraces your authenticity.

Have you ever heard about the unwritten rules? It was that type of situation I experienced. After the assessment, the second-round conversation was very different, and I could sense that the director had a checkbox wired in her head. It was more about will Khady fit vs. what can Khady bring to the table. She was not listening nor hearing what I was saying. I met her years later and she greeted me very enthusiastically, forgetting we had already met before. I called her by her name and reminded her how we had met. An embarrassing moment for her but not for me, as that “no” from her at the time meant another opportunity for me. The person who referred me for the job was very apologetic and told me she didn’t understand why I wasn’t selected. She was convinced I was the best candidate for the role knowing me, my performance, our previous interactions, etc

When you are in a position where you can choose, go for it. In the different companies I worked for, I was hired not only for my skills but more importantly for my personality, in other words, who I am

How do you show your authenticity?

Authenticity is like integrity for me, you don’t have to prove you are authentic. Your actions and your behavior speak for themselves. This is embracing who you are and not what people think you should be.

Unfiltered, unapologetically, building your relationships based on trust. This starts by being true to yourself. Do you have to make choices? You choose your friends, not your colleagues, your manager, or even the company. The way you build your relationships at work should not be different. The difference is that only a few become your friends. I have been able to connect with people by sharing who I am, the invisible part they don’t see. Do I share my story with everyone? No, I don’t have to. When it comes to building true relationships, it should be reciprocal. I have too often seen people sharing everything with everyone and sometimes the most intimate part of their story. This has nothing to do with authenticity in my opinion.

Just think about the example of “business casual”. My definition of business casual can be different from yours. Will my authenticity be judged based on what I’m wearing, how I look? Will you give or show me more respect based on my job title? I show up every day with a clear objective to support others, associated with skills that I have developed and continue to develop.

I have a lot of friends from the LGBTQ+ community as we naturally feel comfortable and safe to share our life challenges. A genuine willingness and open mindset to understand and move the needle. Listening to their stories brings the debate about authenticity to another level. For years, they did not have the choice. Consider the current pandemic, where we must wear a mask whether we like it or not. Well, they must wear a mask to hide who they were not only at work but also at home. Fear of being judged, the risk of being excluded or stigmatized, if not killed. The toll on their mental health – just think of being asked to walk on eggs and with the instruction to not break any…

Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of whom we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are. B. Brow

Can you become authentic?

Let me give you another example to answer that question. “You are too passionate; too driven, too emotional, too nice, not corporate enough...”. Particularly for people of color or women. The adverb “too” triggers me to listen very carefully to the underlying message the person is trying to convey. Is it genuine feedback? Or am I being put into a box where I do not want to belong? How is being “too” measured? Based on someone’s else perception. The politically correct statement “perception is reality” sounds familiar. That’s where the discrepancy starts. I’m listening to my inner voice.

What about the black life experience at the workplace, emotional tax? What if I wear braids? Is it safe to bring your authentic self to work? ... and I can go in with the list of things I have heard, observed, witnessed, and experienced throughout my career.

I do believe that with time I have learned to embrace my authenticity. While before I was asking myself tons of questions about what I should say or do. Probably trying to be nice, be integrated into the norm, and please people. Now, I’m no longer nice – I am kind and that makes a huge difference. I’ve learned to let go of things that are no longer serving me. When I say: I no longer care about what people think about me, it may sound harsh. The reality is that it has given me a level of freedom and confidence that is priceless and vital for my well-being. Just by doing that I’m more energized vs. being exhausted, burned out, or bored out by society, norms, etiquette. My life is not focused on trying to figure out how people think I should act or behave.

I’m responsible for what I say not for what you understand.

I do care about the impact I have on people; I treat people with dignity and respect. I embrace feedback, I’m just more intentional about whom I receive feedback. I have learned to accept my imperfections. The maturity to respect yourself.

Not an easy journey, to look in the mirror and see who you truly are and what you see. Along my journey, I have been guided, advised, coached. Don’t be afraid to seek help, don’t be afraid to discover who you truly are. You are worth it.

What about you, can you bring your authentic self to work? In my case, I do and feel comfortable about it.

Author: Khady Gaye - Global HR Leader, United Airlines