Bringing the Personal into the Professional, and the Professional into the Personal

Recently I was feeling annoyed with my daughter. She’s currently on a winter-break from university and I gave her a few chores to do, she was so involved with her internship and socializing that it was left unattended. We had a conversation about it, which didn’t go well, it ended up both of us angry and feeling misunderstood.

‘I’m not going to remind her about it, I’d rather do it myself’, I told myself, martyrdom having temporarily taken over. But I was unable to sleep at night, because this was unusual in our relationship and it wasn’t a good sign. I got up to go to drink water, and realization hit me that I should have a professional conversation with her, which I teach Leaders in organisations. In personal relationships where there are strong emotions and expectations, one needs to have the same approach as when entering ZOUD (Zone of Uncomfortable Discussions) in a work setting— go with a calm mind, state the facts, listen with an open mind, state your expectation, and find a win-win solution. Otherwise the emotions can take over and derail the relationship.

In the opposite way, at the work place, the personal needs to be brought into the professional.

I see in organizations –when work relations are only task-oriented, they can become very dry. You don’t know the person behind the mask of the numbers-churning and results-chasing professional. Perhaps there is a fear that when I get to know the human being and their emotions, it will be difficult to demand the Sunday meeting, outlandish work hours, herculean tasks which are relentlessly piled onto the plate of the team member. Here too the emotions are there (anxiety, exhaustion, excitement, courage, etc), but they are unacknowledged. But a more human workplace is key to the future of work, where emotions are addressed, welcomed and leveraged.

According to a 2016 survey (of more than 650 respondents by Appirio, a global services company), compensation isn’t the foremost driving factor in employee satisfaction. Appreciation, connectedness, and emotional safety all outrank compensation as important factors in career decision-making.

Research by The Ken Blanchard Companies shows that most workplaces are failing to provide this human connection:

·       82% say their say their leaders don’t provide feedback;

·       Only 34% meet with their boss once a week, but 70% wish they did;

·       36% rarely or never receive performance feedback, but 67% wish they did.

How to find spaces and ways to ensure authentic people-to-people connection? Can it be built into work practices? Here are five ways leaders can help provide emotional safety in the age of isolation.

1.     Celebrate – birthdays, achievements, milestones being completed, behaviors that exhibit the company’s desired culture. Express gratitude for tasks which get done well. 55% of workers value receiving a “thank you” from their managers for a project well done, while only 8% would feel disappointed if the same project didn’t result in a cash reward (from the Appirio survey).

2.     Know everyone’s name in your immediate work environment. Do you know the names of the people who serve you tea for example? Learn at least 2 things about them.

3.     Provide continuous feedback. These regular check-ins align employees with the organization’s priorities. The heavier concentration for feedback will naturally veer toward the positive side, which is the proven way to elevate performance and provide the self-respect and acknowledgement everyone looks for.

4.     Schedule one-on-one conversations, but have the direct report drive the agenda.  They can be focused and quick, no more than 15 - 30 minutes, every alternate week. This also becomes an opportunity for leaders to learn how to coach, for as the team member share where they are vis-a-vis their goals, they ask for what they need and what might be holding them back. The leader listens, asks questions, and provides direction and support as needed. It can also be an opportunity to chat about non-work-related topics.

5.     Some organizations use 5 to 10 minutes of pre-meeting chatter for socializing. Rather than it being “idle” or “aimless”, these quick interactions lay the foundation for friendship at work. Chatting breaks down barriers and helps in getting to know people and understand what matters to them.

 Of course one has to be careful that the practices don’t become routine, mundane and forced if they are done without heart.

Addendum: I did have the ‘Crucial Conversation’ with my daughter. It was not an easy one, When I said, ‘I’m angry because these small tasks don’t get done, and I’m chasing you for it’. She looked at me in the eye, and asked, ‘Is the anger also about other things, like I’ll be moving out of the house in the next few months, or I’m going on a holiday on my own?’ I had to acknowledge the unspoken resentments which had crept in, and my fears which were operating under the anger. To have authentic conversations requires courage, and only then can we find heart connections.