Bridging the Influence Gap: How to Win Together When Roles Collide

In every organization, there’s a dynamic between decision makers and decision influencers that shapes the outcomes of projects, strategies, and everyday operations. Both roles are vital, but let’s be real—sometimes it feels like these two groups are on completely different planets.

For decision influencers, the frustration is real. You bring your ideas, your expertise, and your passion, only to see your contributions sidelined or watered down. It’s like being asked to cook a meal but not being allowed in the kitchen. So, what’s really going on here? Why does this tension exist, and how do we navigate it in a way that works for everybody?

Let’s break it down.

The Two Roles, Simplified

Decision Makers These are the people who hold the final say. They’re accountable for the outcomes, carry the weight of the risk, and have to balance all the competing priorities. It’s not just about making a choice—it’s about owning it.

Decision Influencers These are the ones who bring the heat. They’re the subject matter experts, the strategists, and the people in the trenches with the know-how. Their role is to shape and guide decisions with their insight, but they don’t have the final authority.

Both roles are essential. But here’s where the frustration creeps in.

Why Influencers Often Feel Stuck

1. You Bring Expertise, But You Don’t Get the Final Say You know your stuff. You’ve spent years building your expertise. And yet, your recommendation isn’t always followed when the decision comes down. That can feel like a slap in the face.
2. Your Priorities Aren’t Their Priorities Decision makers are juggling more than just your great idea. They’ve got to think about budgets, politics, timing, and a hundred other factors. When they pivot away from your advice, it’s not personal—it’s prioritization.
3. Silence Can Feel Like Disrespect When there’s no clear explanation for why your input wasn’t taken, it’s easy to assume the worst. “Did they even hear me? Do they even value what I bring to the table?”
4. You Feel Pressure Without Power You’re held accountable for giving the best advice, but you don’t have control over the final decision. When things go sideways, it’s easy to feel like you’re carrying the blame for a choice you didn’t make.
5. You’re Emotionally Attached to Your Ideas Let’s be real—when you pour your heart into a recommendation, it feels personal. So when it gets rejected or altered, it stings. And that sting can turn into frustration if it happens too often.

How to Flip Frustration Into Growth

If you’re a decision influencer, frustration isn’t the end of the road. It’s a starting point for growth. Here’s how you turn that tension into something productive:

1. Get Curious, Not Defensive Instead of taking a rejection personally, ask questions. Why was this decision made? What factors were at play? This not only helps you understand the bigger picture—it shows you’re committed to the team’s success, not just your own ideas.
2. Detach Your Identity From Your Ideas You are more than your recommendations. Rejection doesn’t mean you’re not valuable—it means there’s more going on than you can see. Learn to separate your worth from the outcome.
3. Communicate With Clarity and Confidence Sometimes, frustration comes from feeling unheard. Make your case clear, concise, and compelling. But also remember: once you’ve delivered your message, your job is done. Let go of the outcome.
4. Acknowledge the Complexity Decision making isn’t easy. There’s pressure, risk, and competing interests. When you understand the weight decision makers carry, it’s easier to empathize—even when you don’t agree with the outcome.
5. Ask for Feedback If your input wasn’t taken, ask why. Not in a defensive way, but in a way that shows you want to grow. “What could I have done to make my recommendation more actionable for you?”
6. Celebrate the Wins, Even If They’re Not Yours At the end of the day, it’s about the team winning—not just you. If the decision works out, celebrate it. If it doesn’t, offer support without saying, “I told you so.”

If You’re a Decision Maker, Here’s How to Lead Better

Decision makers, you’ve got a tough job. But here’s the thing: you need your influencers. They’re the ones who make your decisions smarter. So here’s how you can reduce the frustration on their side:

1. Be Transparent If you don’t go with their recommendation, tell them why. People can handle a “no” if they understand the reasoning behind it.
2. Acknowledge Their Effort Let them know their input mattered, even if it didn’t shape the final decision. A little recognition goes a long way.
3. Involve Them in the Process Don’t just ask for their advice—bring them into the conversation. The more they feel like part of the decision, the less likely they are to feel sidelined.
4. Give Feedback, Not Silence When influencers don’t hear anything after giving their input, they feel ignored. Close the loop. Let them know how their input impacted the decision, even if it wasn’t the deciding factor.

The Bottom Line

The tension between decision-makers and decision influencers is natural, but it doesn’t have to turn into frustration. When both sides commit to better communication, mutual respect, and a shared vision, something powerful happens: decisions get better, and so do relationships.

Influencers, your role matters. You’re shaping the future with your insights. And decision makers, you’re leading the charge, carrying the weight of tough choices. Together, you’re unstoppable—as long as you’re willing to work through the tension, learn from each other, and keep the bigger picture in view.