Brexit in a nutshell

 

Mr Dave Davis is at the golf club returning his locker key

when Mr Barnier, the membership secretary sees him.

"Hello Mr Davis", says Mr Barnier. "I'm sorry to hear you

are no longer renewing your club membership, if you would

like to come to my office we can settle your account".

"I have settled my bar bill" says Mr Davis.

"Ah yes Mr Davis", says Mr Barnier, "but there are other

matters that need settlement"

*In Mr Barniers office -*

Mr Davis explains that he has settled his bar bill so

wonders what else he can possibly owe the Golf Club?

"Well Mr Davis" begins Mr Barnier, "you did agree to buy one

of our Club Jackets".

"Yes" agrees Mr Davis "I did agree to buy a jacket but I

haven't received it yet". "As soon as you supply the jacket

I will send you a cheque for the full amount".

"That will not be possible" explains Mr Barnier. "As you are

no longer a club member you will not be entitled to buy one

of our jackets"!

"But you still want me to pay for it" exclaims Mr Davis.

"Yes" says Mr Barnier, "That will be ￡500 for the jacket.

"There is also your bar bill".

"But I've already settled my bar bill" says Mr Davis. "Yes"

says Mr Barnier, "but as you can appreciate, we need to

place our orders from the Brewery in advance to ensure our

bar is properly stocked".. "You regularly used to spend at

least ￡50 a week in the bar so we have placed orders with

the brewery accordingly for the coming year". "You therefore

owe us ￡2600 for the year".

"Will you still allow me to have these drinks?" asks Mr

Davis. "No of course not Mr Davis". "You are no longer a

club member!" says Mr Barnier. "Next is your restaurant

bill" continues Mr Barnier. "In the same manner we have to

make arrangements in advance with our catering suppliers".

"Your average restaurant bill was in the order of ￡300 a

month, so we'll require payment of ￡3600 for the next

year".

"I don't suppose you'll be letting me have these meals

either" asks Mr Davis.

"No, of course not" says an irritated Mr

Barnier, "you are no longer a club member!"

"Then of course" Mr Barnier continues, "there are repairs to

the clubhouse roof".

"Clubhouse roof" exclaims Mr Davis, "What's that got to do

with me?"

"Well it still needs to be repaired and the builders are

coming in next week", your share of the bill is ￡2000".

"I see" says Mr Davis, "anything else?".

"Now you mention it" says Mr Barnier, "there is Fred the

Barman's pension". "We would like you to pay ￡5 a week

towards Fred's pension when he retires next month". "He's

not well you know so I doubt we'll need to ask you for

payment for longer than about five years, so ￡1300 should do

it".

"This brings your total bill to ￡10,000" says Mr Barnier.

"Let me get this straight" says Mr Davis, "you want me to

pay ￡500 for a jacket you won't let me have, ￡2600 for

beverages you won't let me drink and ￡3600 for food you

won't let me eat, all under a roof I won't be allowed under

and not served by a bloke who's going to retire next month!"

"Yes, it's all perfectly clear and quite reasonable" says

Mr Barnier.

"P**s off!" says Mr Davis

Now we understand what Brexit is all about!!!!!