"Brexit" A Lesson How NOT To Market To In-House Counsel

If anybody tells you he knows what the "Brexit" means -- in any context at all -- that person is either lying or a pompous fool.  Not surprisingly, those same descriptions are thrown about (half in jest, but with an unfortunate kernel of truth) concerning lawyers.

So, over the last several weeks, as I've received countless (in the sense that I literally stopped counting) form advertising e-mails from every global law firm I can think of advising me on how "Brexit" will affect my company's global intellectual property strategy (hint: "There is a lot of uncertainty, but rest assured we're monitoring the situation closely!"), I could do nothing but roll my eyes and reach for the bottle of liqueur I thought I had stashed away in a cabinet to add to my coffee.  I actually received a direct e-mail from one of my own trusted outside counsel to tell me "We know 'Brexit' has you up at night..." [Note: yes, it has briefly supplanted how I pay for my kids to go to college] "...so we are currently reviewing your portfolio and will advise you on any expected impact."  Really?  Are you going to do that before or after you know how the legal landscape changes?  I can't wait to see that review time on my bill.

Here's the problem.  Big law firms really don't know how to market to in-house counsel.  I am thoroughly unpersuaded by most big law firm advertising. I know you all work in tall buildings with lots of clients, years of experience, and many, many lawyers around the globe. You have all won many, many millions in verdicts and worked on billions and billions of dollars' worth of transactions.  It is not too much of a stretch to say that big law advertising is summed up in one word: self-aggrandizement.  Big law firms jump as high as they can, wave their arms in the air and scream, "Look at me!  You need me!"

Big law firms have all the pomposity of athletic goods companies, with none of their self-awareness. Nike, or Adidas, or Titleist may advertise that they have won the most gold medals, the most championships, the most golf tournaments, the most MVPs, etc., but they don't really say that.  The images they advertise are their clients -- the actual athletes who accomplished those things. Michael Jordan, LeBron James, Lionel Messi...I don't need to have daily messages delivered straight to my inbox telling me they are once in a generation talents. The naked eye can see it.  The athletic company marketing, which slyly tries to piggy back on their success and say "It's us, too," are also telling us, it's really not.  (Nike was the first to turn this implicit self-awareness on its head in the early Mars Blackman/Air Jordan commercials.  Spike Lee's character, Mars, decked out in fan-gear apparel and in a nod to commercialism, was convinced, "It's got to be the shoes!" only to have Jordan shake his head and respond, "It's not the shoes, Mars.")

Law firms scream their identify at us but without any awareness that the talent that attracts me, an in-house counsel looking to hire, is the lawyer.  When smaller law firms come to me for meetings and ask if I can hire them even if they don't have a big name, I reassure them that I hire lawyers, not law firms.  When big law firms come to market to me with glossy marketing materials and presentations and three other lawyers from other practice groups I'm not responsible for, just to show me their breadth of capabilities, I admonish them that I hire lawyers, not law firms.

And when those big law firms send me advertisements that say nothing at all (because there is nothing yet to be said about "Brexit"), I assume that all they are doing is saying "Whatever happens, we are big, we are famous, and we are important. We will solve this for you."  To make such a claim, you have to be lying, or a pompous fool.