Breathe - Part 2 of 4

To live the life of your dreams, first face your fears.

Are you the kind of person that lives fearlessly, acts spontaneously, tries new things, takes bold leaps in your professional and personal life? Or are you the kind of person that watches from the sidelines while others chase their dreams?

Odds are, you’re the second person. Most of us are. We know what we want out of life and yet we fail to act on our desires. So, what’s stopping us?

Fear. Fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of humiliation. Fear of fear itself.

But people that take risks and embrace challenges aren’t superhumans who are impervious to fear; they’re just better than others at facing them. Luckily, courage is a skill that everyone can learn. And that includes you.

The first step on your journey to facing fear is changing your mindset. When it comes to learning new things, says psychologist Professor Carol Dweck, you either have a fixed mindset or a growth mindset.

A fixed mindset promotes results-driven thinking. With a fixed mindset, you focus on the outcome of a task, not its process. If you attempt a task and the outcome is unsuccessful, you assume the outcome will never be successful. Worse, the deeper you settle into this mindset, the more likely you are to dismiss something as unachievable before you’ve even tried it. 

A growth mindset focuses on a task’s process rather than its outcome. As a result, those with growth mindsets see difficulties as positive challenges rather than roadblocks to success and reframe mistakes as learning opportunities. With a growth mindset, you’re more likely to embrace risk. Fear of failure doesn’t come into the equation because, in the growth mindset way of thinking, there’s nothing to fear about failure!

Here’s some good news: nothing is fixed about a fixed mindset, and it’s never too late to cultivate a growth mindset. Begin by expecting less. Have you always dreamed of writing a book? Don’t sit down to write with the aim of finishing a novel in six months. Sit down to write with the aim of writing. When you don’t attach expectations to a new challenge, you’re more likely to engage with the process. Seeing value in the process, not the results, mitigates that fear of failure, which is blocking you from achieving.

To really embrace a growth mindset, follow the advice of US First Lady, Eleanor Roosevelt, who said: “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Don’t live your life on the sidelines. Embrace the things that you shrink from doing. Chase the dreams you think are too big. Even if you fail, you’ll grow along the way.

Learning to live in the moment is the best gift you can give yourself.

Emily Dickinson once wrote, “Forever is composed of nows.” It’s a beautiful poetic sentiment; it’s also completely true. The way you spend the fleeting seconds and minutes of your life makes up the sum of your time on earth. 

Yet many of us spend our “now” analyzing the past or worrying about the future. Worse, “now” passes us by as we go through the motions at work or scroll through social media.

Imagine how calm and focused your life would be if you could let go of past regrets and anxieties about the future. Imagine how rich your life would be if you actively engaged with your present instead of letting it slip through your fingers. 

Luckily, engaging with the present can be learned, and there are concrete steps you can take to do it. The best place and time to begin is here and now, through mindfulness.

Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of yourself and your thoughts in the present moment and, crucially, accepting your present moment without judgement or anxiety. 

Mindfulness begins with awareness, and awareness stems from relaxed attention. The key word here is “relaxed.” When you’re practising mindfulness, you should be paying attention to your surroundings, your thoughts, and your feelings. But this attention shouldn’t be a mental strain – aim for soft focus rather than obsessive concentration.  

Once you’ve activated your awareness, you need to exercise acceptance. Comfort, discomfort, positive thoughts, negative thoughts: let them be. Don’t add judgement. Accept the reality of your situation through mindful thinking, then make an informed decision about how you will respond.

If you’re struggling to get started with mindfulness, it’s good to begin with the senses. After all, our sensory experiences ground us in the here and now. Focus on one sense, like taste, and engage it. In this case, you could eat a piece of fruit. Notice its smell, texture, and appearance. Observe the changing tastes and sensations of the fruit in your mouth.

The best thing about mindfulness is that it’s simple to incorporate into your everyday routine. As the Zen expression goes, “When you’re walking, walk. When you’re eating, eat.” Even the most mundane task offers the opportunity for mindful practice. 

What tasks can you perform mindfully today?

To be continued...