“Breast is best” puts too much pressure on new moms.

Unmet Expectations: Breastfeeding-Induced Anxiety

Becoming a mom is exciting, magical, and certainly, something to celebrate. And largely, breastfeeding is viewed the same way. However, we often have expectations; if not met, those expectations cause much anxiety. We are often told that nursing our sweet babies will create the strongest bond or that time spent nursing washes away other worries in life. But sometimes, that’s not the case. And while the culprit can sometimes be a lack of education regarding breastfeeding, too much information tends to be a source of anxiety for many new moms as well. Advice that works for one new mom may not be the right advice for another. But to understand the solution that may work best, it’s important to understand the ways in which our expectations can create a storm of anxiety.

ANXIETY OVER MILK SUPPLY

One major point of anxiety for new mothers is expectations regarding milk supply. From the time a baby is born, we are often told to nurse every 3 hours, or on-demand, whichever comes first. However, if your baby spends a lot of time cluster feeding or gets fussy, it’s common to question if your baby is getting enough milk (spoiler alert: they’re likely getting enough!). Sometimes the sheer anxiety over milk production is enough to cause a new mom to cease breastfeeding altogether. And at times, experiencing stress and anxiety when nursing can lower supply.

THE GOALS WE SET FOR OURSELVES

Similar to anxiety over supply is the anxiety that comes from being unable to meet the goals we set for ourselves, goals regarding breastfeeding and supply that aren’t meant for us.

When we aren’t able to reach those goals (nursing exclusively for a full 12 months, for example), it takes a toll on mental health. We turn those unmet expectations into personal failures, which is a breeding ground for conditions like anxiety and depression.

This can be exacerbated further when a new mom experiences other issues related to breastfeeding.

WHEN YOU HAVE TOO MUCH MILK

Another anxiety-inducing experience comes when new moms have an overactive or forceful letdown. The milk comes out too quickly for their little one to handle, which can upset a baby’s belly and even cause them to turn away from the breast. While we expect to cradle our babes, kiss their foreheads, and bask in their warmth on a rocking chair, none of us anticipate having milk that comes out too quickly for them to handle. Working around it by hand expressing prior to breastfeeding is a great solution, but having yet another thing to remember as a mom creates a lot of stress.

D-MER (dysphoric milk ejection reflex)

We also never expect to experience something called D-MER (dysphoric milk ejection reflex), which is an overwhelmingly negative feeling that occurs during a letdown while breastfeeding or pumping. Rather than releasing the feel-good, love hormone oxytocin, there is a huge drop in it. This can bring on feelings of dread, sadness, anger, and even nausea during a letdown. And although the feelings subside after a letdown or after a nursing session, the experience may cause anxiety every time a mom is about to nurse her baby.

“BREAST IS BEST" PUTS TOO MUCH PRESSURE ON NEW MOMS

All of the above breastfeeding roadblocks can be major sources of anxiety, but so much of the anxiety, we feel as moms come from external pressure. Rather than focusing simply on nourishing our babies and ensuring our own needs are met, the “breast is best” messaging applies so much pressure from the start. We’re inundated with information about breast milk vs. formula. About staying away from bottles to avoid nipple confusion. In the end, most people understand that breastmilk is the most ideal option…but if all we experience through the nursing journey is increased anxiety, and we aren’t even able to enjoy it, then that’s not always best. The truth is:? fed is best.

We may feel forced into an “all or nothing” mindset, not leaving any wiggle room or assistance. Having a partner bottle feed the baby while you pump can be a big help, just like supplementing with formula can be a big help. In the end, what matters is that babies are being fed and loved. Breastmilk or formula, they can get what they need to thrive.

For some, pre-existing mental health conditions play a role in the likelihood of experiencing anxiety about breastfeeding and managing expectations. Having Postpartum Depression or Perinatal Anxiety can increase the chances, as well.

You want the best for your bundle of joy, but a mentally healthy mama is what really helps to develop a healthy baby.