Breakups can be brutal. How to Heal and Move-On After a Breakup

Breakups can be brutal.

They’re not just the end of a relationship but often feel like the loss of a part of yourself. Whether it’s a short relationship or an 8-year-long bond like in my friend, Shreya’s story, the emotional turmoil can leave you questioning everything: “Will I ever heal? Can I trust anyone again? Is this the end of my happiness?”

Why Do Breakups Hurt So Much?

Breakups often feel like grief because they truly are a form of loss:

1.? Loss of a Companion: Someone you shared dreams, laughter, and memories with is no longer in your life.

2.? Loss of Identity: A long-term relationship shapes your identity. You start defining yourself through the relationship, and when it ends, you feel lost.

3.? Emotional Investment: You poured your heart into this person—your love, time, and effort. When it falls apart, it feels like all of it was for nothing.

One of the biggest mental blocks people face is what psychologists call "Loss Aversion Fallacy." Your mind clings to the happy moments you shared and overlooks the negative aspects of the relationship—arguments, discomfort, and unresolved issues. This is why moving on feels so impossible.

The 5 Stages of Breakup Grief

Much like dealing with loss, healing from a breakup happens in stages. You may experience:

1.? Denial: “This can’t be happening. We’ll get back together soon.”

2.? Anger: “How could they do this to me? It’s not fair!”

3.? Bargaining: “If I change myself, maybe they’ll come back.”

4.? Depression: “I feel empty. Nothing makes sense without them.”

5.? Acceptance: “It’s over. I need to move forward.”

Each stage serves a purpose. Do not suppress your emotions. Crying, feeling anger, or venting your frustration are all natural steps in the healing process. As difficult as it may seem, embracing these emotions will help you release them.

The Trap of Suppression and Escapism

Many people make the mistake of suppressing their emotions after a breakup. They try to:

• Jump into rebound relationships.
• Distract themselves with alcohol, shopping, or binge-watching.
• Avoid talking about the breakup.

While these strategies may provide temporary relief, they only delay healing. Imagine your emotions as a room full of clutter. Before you can invite something new into your life, you must clear out the old. Suppressing pain will only create emotional baggage that you’ll carry into your next relationship.

What can you do to Heal from a Breakup?

1. Express Your Emotions

Whatever you’re feeling—grief, anger, disappointment—allow yourself to express it. Cry if you need to, scream into a pillow, or talk to someone you trust. Suppressing these feelings will only make them fester. Remember, emotions are like waves—they rise, peak, and eventually fade.

2. Cut Off All Contact/Eliminate any exposure of them

One of the hardest yet most necessary steps is to completely cut off contact with your ex. This includes:

• Deleting their photos and messages.
• Avoiding their social media profiles.
• Refraining from meeting mutual friends who might mention them.

Why? Because every time you expose yourself to their presence (even digitally), it triggers a cascade of thoughts and emotions that pull you back into the past.

3. Reflect and Identify Patterns

Take some time to reflect on the relationship. Were there recurring arguments or unhealthy patterns? Ask yourself:

• What kind of personality do I attract?
• Is there a pattern that repeats in my relationships?

If you don’t break these patterns, you may continue attracting the same problems in future relationships. Growth comes from understanding what went wrong and making changes within yourself.

4. Channel Your Energy Productively

Instead of drowning in sorrow, use this phase to focus on your personal growth. Channel your energy into:

• Pursuing hobbies you love.
• Working on your career or education.
• Investing in self-care—exercise, journaling, or meditation.

A breakup can serve as a breakthrough if you use this time constructively. It’s an opportunity to rediscover yourself, your passions, and what truly makes you happy.

5. Understand Vibrational Shifts

Sometimes relationships end because you and your partner are no longer on the same “vibration.” Life experiences change us. As you grow, you may no longer resonate with the same people or situations. When you start to vibrate differently—aligning with new goals, values, and dreams—people who no longer match that vibration naturally drift away.

Trust the process. The Universe is creating space for something better.

The Timeline of Healing

Healing takes time. A study from the Journal of Positive Psychology suggests that it takes around 11 weeks to recover from a breakup. But remember:

• Everyone heals at their own pace. Don’t rush it.
• Focus on small improvements every day.
• Allow yourself to grieve fully—only then will you make room for new emotions.

A Breakup Is Not the End

Shreya initially, struggled with isolation, sadness, and low self-worth. But with time, support, and the willingness to process her emotions, she healed. Months later, she found someone new—someone who aligned better with her life and values.

The truth is:

• A breakup is not a punishment.
• It’s a chance to grow, evolve, and align with what’s truly meant for you.

Healing from a breakup is not about “getting over” someone—it’s about rebuilding yourself. It’s a journey of emotional release, reflection, and growth. Trust that the pain you feel now will eventually lead to something better.

"Breakups may hurt, but they can also be breakthroughs."

Allow yourself to heal, embrace the lessons, and create space for the love and happiness you truly deserve.

If you found this article helpful, share it with someone who might need it. Healing is possible—you’re not alone.

If you would like to watch a video - https://www.youtube.com/@mindhealingwithbhavish?sub_confirmation=1

- Bhavish Ahuja

Therapist & Speaker on Mind, Energy Psychology, Emotions.

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