Breakthrough? Or invite them in?

Breakthrough? Or invite them in?

Coaches often talk about “breakthroughs”.?

I remember watching the Tony Robbins docuadvertmentary on Netflix a few years back, amazed and somewhat concerned about how everyone in it was talking about breakthroughs, as if that's the expectation as part of such events or coaching sessions.?

How disappointing when you’re committing yourself to a process looking for a breakthrough, and then nothing happens immediately…

The term “transformation” seems to have similar connotations as per some of my recent Coaching Uncaged conversations (e.g. Simon Western or Tatiana Bachkirova). It can set the expectations unrealistically high and add a tonne of pressure for both coach and client.?

I know all this, but nonetheless, last week I had my hopes up for such a breakthrough, looking for a sudden and dramatic shift in my relationship to consistency and strategic action.?

I decided I was going to be the client in my own Coaching Lab, and my coach for the evening, Siawash, charges his clients upwards of £100.000 for a 1:1 business coaching journey, so I figured I’d put myself in that space and really go for it.?

I won’t get into the specifics (if you’re curious, the recording of the session is available to Coaching Lab members), but what it got me thinking about is the word "breakthrough".?

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It feels pretty aggressive to me now that I think about it. And I don’t think I want to break through my clients’ paradigms. In many cases that’s quite dangerous actually, and most of the time there’ll be loads of resistance if anyone were to try.?

After all, such paradigms exist to protect ourselves, and if attacked (by e.g. an attempted breakthrough), defences usually tighten, regardless of who does the breaking.

Instead of breaking things, I think it’s much more helpful, and effective, to offer an invitation and let the person or part decide what they want to do with that. An invitation to look at something from a different perspective, to try on a new suit, or to get to know some part of yourself that makes you feel really uncomfortable - it can be hard to un-see, or un-experience what follows.?

And most importantly, it’s empowering and taps into one of the most important aspects of psychological wellbeing: Autonomy (Ryan & Deci, 2000; Ryff & Keyes, 1995).?

I didn’t get my breakthrough last week, but I was invited to consider who I would be with and without certain narratives around business and leadership. Food for thought, and valuable ground for reflection.?

But to be honest, if Siawash had attempted a “breakthrough”, I think I would have told him, one way or another, and with all due respect, to fuck off! :)?

Curious as to what you think about this…?

___

That's it for this week! If any of this resonates, make it swing! I'd love to hear from you :)

And if you'd like to?get these Nuggets as an email, you can sign up for?weekly emails, or?get the full buffet once a month(ish).


With Love

Yannick


New content: A coach’s journey of trust, passion and focussing on strengths

I’ve made myself available for an interview to the good folks at Animas Centre for Coaching recently as to support their community of coaches by telling my story, and the wonderful Brinsley Kazak offered me a beautifully held space and lots of questions to explore my journey into coaching and how I operate in this space. You can watch the interview here.?

In Animas’s words:?

Yannick’s vast experience resulted in an abundant conversation full of timeless and thought provoking nuggets for every coach.?

Topics include:

  • Describing himself as a coach?
  • Defining Existential coaching
  • Trusting and doing what you love
  • Working through selling and money beliefs
  • Scaling his business
  • Focussing on strengths
  • Joining Animas and ICCS
  • Not having a traditional niche
  • Coaching someone with more experience
  • Owning the Coach title
  • Pricing his services
  • On remaining accessible?
  • His biggest lessons and influences

Completely agree Yannick Jacob - I think it was Claire Pedrick to who said the work happens between the sessions. The metaphor I like to use with my clients is that of a snow globe - an effective coaching session can be like shaking the snow globe for a client. Things can get shaken up, some settle immediately, some settle later on. A bit like insight from a coaching session - I have had clients in a follow up session say to me “You won’t believe what came to me / happened to me after our session”

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Belinda Jane Batt MSc

Author | Founder | Speaker | Maternal Guilt Expert | Accredited Coach | Certified Motherhood Studies Practitioner | Partner Coach, Careering Into Motherhood | MSc Applied Positive Psychology & Coaching Psychology

1 年

This is really though provoking Yannick Jacob. I've had two experiences of NLP related coaching and therapy recently that have both made me think hard about the notion of having a breakthrough. In both cases I didn't, and I found that frustrating but am now reflecting on whether too much emphasis is indeed put on breaking through when it should perhaps instead be on getting a better understanding of the whys behind the behaviour in question that is being addressed. In any case my conclusion has been that the NLP style isn't right for me, though I know many others swear by it. Thanks for sharing.

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Yannick Jacob

Existential Life & Leadership Coach (MA), Coaching Supervisor; Cambridge University Teaching Faculty, Positive Psychologist (MSc)

1 年

I've written up some more reflections on this session based on Siawash's opening question "What would make this session extraordinary for you?" https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/extraordinary-expectations-results-yannick-jacob/

Louise Rodgers

Eidyia Ltd. Director | Coach, ICF PCC | Coach Mentor | Facilitator | Consultant | Writer

2 年

It was fascinating to watch (if a little awkward, if I’m honest). Well done for putting yourself forward. I’m naturally wary of the ‘breakthrough’ trope. I prefer to think of successful coaching as achieving tiny shifts of consciousness that work together to provoke profound and sustainable change. Less dramatic, perhaps, but more lasting?

Sabina Peskin

?Buscas calma en el caos laboral? ?Quieres ese próximo ascenso pero sin dejar de ser quien eres???I Coach I Ex-Google I Espa?ol e Inglés I ICF PCC

2 年

1) I wonder if it is possible to be fully present as a coach and at the same time having the intention to achieve a breakthrough (or anything else). At the moment I see it as A vs B. 2) I loved the interview at the end of the post.

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