#Breakthebias - Queen Bee Syndrome

In conversation with Molly McNearney in a no-holds-barred for InStyle‘s monthly cover, actress Jennifer Aniston said, “I’ve been treated worse verbally and energetically by some women in this industry”. As the #metoo movement has made a more positive impact, many females have come forward about sexual abuse and workplace harassment, yet at times it’s both disheartening and problematic that women report more rudeness from their female coworkers than male colleagues.

In a study carried out, published in the Journal of Applied Psychology, women who were assertive and outspoken were particularly vulnerable to incivility from other women, becoming targets of snarky comments, being ignored or excluded, or being treated disrespectfully.

Highlighting some of my own stories, I recall my first experience as a junior HR officer, eager to take up the new role trying to hide the excitement in my face, I walked into the HR department to meet my supervisor. As I pass the long corridor, an eerie feeling is felt as several cold-eyed looks head my way. I try to ignore them and pass on to greet my supervisor who introduces me to a divisional secretary to collect my stationery, let’s call her Nadiya. While I was handed the office supplies Nadiya kept giving me frosty looks that almost pierced my eyes, and with that, she said, “Some people would do anything to get what they want” and off she goes. Puzzled and hurt by her comment, I later got to know that the position I got transferred for has been eyed by one of Nadiya’s friends and she was bypassed by me during the selection process, therefore I assume Nadiya despised me – For the record, I faced and successfully got through few rounds of interviews to land the role.

Several years later as I was holding a manager title, one of my former colleagues contacted me. Let’s call him Sam. Sam informed me of this new and exciting role in Talent Management & Development at his organization, a global manufacturing company. He mentioned that I would be a perfect fit for the role and told me to send my profile. I did oblige as I was actively looking out and was very keen on this new role. The head of the department, a female ?(let’s call her Daisy) saw my profile and has expressed interest to meet me (according to Sam). Days passed with no feedback, I inquired from Sam as to why there is no feedback. Sam very hesitantly mentioned that someone has informed Daisy not to hire me. I was devastated so I inquired from Sam as to what the reason was and he too was puzzled. I was very curious to know what was so badly portrayed about me for Daisy to jump to such a conclusion, even without having a chat with me. After all, they say there are two or more sides to a story. As a Leader, a senior HR professional, and most importantly as a female, if Daisy displayed such unprofessionalism, then it was not worth being a part of such a team. Hence, I decided not to inquire further but simply to put this event behind me.

Yes, it is true, as Gabriel, an Assistant Professor of Management and Organizations at the University of Arizona stated, “Women, rather than building each other up and helping — sometimes tear each other down”. Both Sara and Wendy characters I have mentioned during one of my previous articles,?“Better habits professional success blame gamer ” are such examples.

While I was working in a Service Delivery team, there was one very abusive male supervisor who both verbally and emotionally harassed and bullied the females in his team. All the females including myself fell prey to his sexual advancements and verbal abuse. Unable to bear harassment and abuse any longer we decided to raise our concerns to him during a meeting. I started off expressing displeasure by explaining to him how I felt. I could see steam coming out of his ears as he began to look more like Lucifer. To my horror none of the other females voiced up nor did they back me up. I felt all alone battling this raging bull. I had no choice but to continue to work in the department despite the abuse. As a result of me voicing up, I was stripped of my job duties, performing more of a data entry role. After battling for a few more months, I decided to move out of this toxic work environment.

Sadly, I must note that these incidents during my career were mainly orchestrated by females. As I progressed and started to hold leadership roles, I began to wonder why some females undercut, backstab, and become mean to other women. Observing the behavior of females such as Wendy & Sara (both of whom I have described in my previous articles), Nadiya, and even company heads such as Daisy it became more apparent that many women are in fear as they often view other women as their competition at work as appose to the male colleagues, confirming the statements made by, Allison Gabriel. Many of these women display what is known as the “#Queenbee syndrome”, a phenomenon first defined by C. Tavris, G.L. Staines, and T.E. Jayaratne in 1973. According to Auguste Coetzer’s article, “The syndrome is defined as a pattern of behavior exhibited by women in authority or power who treat subordinate females worse than males purely because of their gender”. Let me address this in more detail in a later article. For the moment I must admit experiencing them firsthand made me lose faith in women, especially reluctant to be led by them.

But on the contrary, there have been and are spectacular women that I have had the privilege to associate with and be mentored by. Among some of the most inspirational women to whom I dedicate this article is Mrs. Anoja J. Obeysekere, who identified my potential and encouraged me to pursue my academics in Human Resources, later on supporting me tremendously to kickstart my career in Human Resources. Ms. Damayanthi Galpotte, an iron lady, Dammi always had my back lifting me up and vesting more responsibilities on me, she has always believed in my ability to perform greater work. Ms. Kishani Perera, after years of having doubts about reporting to females, Kishani was the first female supervisor I reported to. I have not regretted it since we started working together. Her duties go far beyond the usual 9 - 5 job. Encouraging me to pursue further studies, sharing how to balance motherhood and career, we share a great bond with laughter and tears. Ms. Wilja Witcombe inspires me with her strength and courage. She has always been both the emotional support and mentor, especially at times when HR also needed moral support. Last but not least, most recently I came across a top female executive in an ICT company who identified my potential and encouraged me to become better and do great things with my talent. She welcomed me to walk beside her as she takes on this mammoth task. I was highly taken up by her professionalism and openness. These are just a few examples I could highlight, but there are many more women that have touched my life both professionally and personally.

End of the day we need to stop viewing each other as the source of competition. If you’re the source of rudeness in your organization/team, dig deep and ask yourself what’s going on inside of you that makes you feel like you need to attack another woman. Quoting Simon Sinek “True courage is having the strength to admit our weaknesses”.?As we celebrate International Women’s Day, let’s #Breakthebias as we take the first steps among us, women. Let’s fix each other’s crowns through mutual respect, support, and encouragement.