Breaking up with my wheelchair

13th May 2020 date etched into my brain forever.

Amidst Covid19 pandemic my friend and I set out on our bikes early, the destination Manly to enjoy a coffee and watch the sunrise.

I never saw the sunrise that day as whilst rolling through the lights on the boulevard I was hit by a car failing to give way, their single moment of inattention changing my life forever.

I woke up in ICU 6 days later, no memory of the accident, disorientated, unaware of my surroundings and unable to communicate due to a respirator down my throat.

Unbeknown to me I had sustained multiple traumatic injuries to my face, ribs and cervical spine.

Having already undergone 2 major surgeries to my spine, I was still in a critical condition and about to be sent back into surgery to fix my broken jaw.

2 metal rods and 10 screws now form a permanent fixture in my neck another 5 metal plates in my face. Unable to move my arms or legs, a neck brace protected my fragile spine. Unaware of enormity or severity of my injuries I remained in ICU for a further 5 days.?

I spent a total of 11 days in ICU

Further diagnosed with a Traumatic Brain Injury because of the impact of the crash and going face first into the car’s windscreen. Events over next few days were a blur which added to my frustrations due to gaps in my memory.

My life as I knew it changed FOREVER and my fight to survive, rebuild and be as normal as I possibly could began.

Hospital life had many challenges, starting with feelings of helplessness as I was hoisted out of bed onto a commode so I could be showered, tears of grief and sadness overwhelming me.

Heartbroken with the realisation I couldn’t move my arms or legs totally dependent on the nurses.

Fear, uncertainty, more sadness of what was ahead of me, as days filled with physio a myriad of specialist appointments, coping with chronic pain, fatigue all blurred into one.

Unconsciously my survival mode kicked in. ?

Do I let this define me, destroy me or strengthen me.

Time to turn HOPEless into HOPEful and let it strengthen me.

I’m very grateful for my parents who were with me from Adelaide and my closest friends whose support and encouragement gave me the strength and fueled my determination to get better.

I showed up to physio every day, twice a day 10 times a week without question.

Many patients in the spinal cord ward didn’t but this was my journey not theirs.

?I was and still am committed to rebuilding, albeit exhausting, painful and tiresome, why won’t my legs and hands move like they used to, I feel so powerless at times.

Occupational therapy a must to regain movement of my hands, neuropathic pain crippling and activities quite frustrating. Every movement planned to prevent my hands from becoming claw like, to rebuild dexterity and reduce stiffness.

Reliant on nurses to shower me, dress me, feed me, clean my teeth, felt so degrading. ?I did somehow manage to find my sense of humor requesting nurses make my porridge so soggy I could drink it through a straw allowing for my broken jaw, no mess on my face!???

My birthday neared and all I wanted was to walk, albeit assisted to see loved ones. I wanted to show how brave I was and for them to see my progress.

Hospital life, especially during Covid was challenging both physically and mentally in ways I’d never experienced before.

How does one cope with the rollercoaster of emotions and the unknown of what’s ahead??Dig deep is what you do, one moment at a time, persevere, be disciplined, allow your support network to be your strength.

Nearly 6 weeks after my accident it was my 42nd birthday, I was pumped, I was so ready, excited to leave the ward and walk to where my loved ones were waiting. A Physio close by my side and another following with my wheelchair. This single moment I will remember forever, the feeling of immense achievement and excitement.

I took slow concentrated steps forwards, seeing the tears and smiles on everyone’s faces I knew I had made them proud.

Such an emotional and overwhelming moment, especially for my friend who was with me at the time of the accident. Hugging me now in my chair and her bending down holding me. I felt like I had won a race, yet the finish line was still a distance away.

It was heartbreaking returning to the ward alone after such an amazing high taking my steps, being with my loved ones to once again being reliant on a buzzer and nurses to help me. ?

My reality all too real leaving me grumpy and tired, neuropathic pain constantly draining, medication providing minimal relief as I’d retire to bed before 5pm.

Little over six weeks I was moved from the comfort of RNSH where I had grown to know all the nurses and physios and relocated to POW hospital. More frustrations followed as nobody seemed to know my history. Where are the handover notes? Where do I go to do Physio, Who is my Occupational Therapist, my Dr? the list went on.

The next eight weeks were full of more challenges, loads of frustrations and some of the toughest and loneliest times until I found my voice and regained some power driving my recovery. Social Workers my saviors, finally someone to make sense of things and provide the support I was desperately seeking.

From strength to strength, fortunate I had a decent level of fitness prior to my accident and applied myself in the daily physio sessions. I went from being able to walk around the ward to passing a walking test outdoors unassisted. Wahoo, go me! ?

The hard things never get easier you just get stronger

Moving rooms on the ward was a regular occurrence, this time I left my wheelchair behind, I didn’t need it anymore. I had rebuilt enough strength, retrained my brain and as a result learnt to walk again.

I’d worked hard at physio this was my reward, the liberating moment I broke up with my wheelchair, there was no going back for me, we were done.

A nurse tried to wheel it into my new room, and I advised I didn’t need it anymore, we had broken up! I chuckled, not sure Mum was happy with my abruptness but hey, this relationship was over.

My determination to keep moving forwards and live my best life was well underway.

I learnt so much about myself over this 4-month period and continue to most days as my recovery remains a constant in my life.

5 months post my discharge from hospital, my Trauma Psychologist identified how important cycling was to me. So much more than just a source of exercise, it kept me fit both physically and mentally, was my social network and a sense of belonging to a cycling club and charity Tour de Cure.

Engaging the help of a Recreational Therapist my journey to get back on the bike began.

?Months of riding in the park followed, rebuilding strength, regaining my confidence on the bike before progressing back onto the road. With still no memory of the accident a silent blessing.

Thankful for my tenacity, strong mind and body teamed with support from my cycling community my passion for being out on the bike soon returned. It wasn’t and still isn’t easy, my arms and neck ache and my muscles are still rebuilding due to the damage to my spinal cord and nervous system, not to mention the constant neuropathic pain however my love for the sport and rush I receive drives me. ??#dowhatyoulove

Person starring back at me in the mirror these days is a strong, courageous, brave, determined, resilient and a kind woman.

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My HERO skills serving me well.

My injuries are mostly invisible now which brings about a new set of challenges as people think I’m ok, often I am not yet I try to get on with enjoying life whilst grateful and proud of what I have achieved. ?I continue to work hard at the gym, manage chronic pain, fatigue and my overall wellbeing.

It’s such a buzz being back out on my bike after everything I have been through, embracing my achievements and grateful for the inspiring and supportive people in my life.?

You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only option….

So, I ask you……..How are you going to embrace HOPE today?

Go out and live your best life! Tell someone you love them, grateful they are in your life, smile to a stranger you may just make their day ??