Why Values Are More Important Than Identity

I grew up a Quaker.

Well, that’s not totally accurate. My parents both attended the University of Pennsylvania, whose mascot is the Quaker. I was dressed in Penn clothes from the time I was little—there are pictures—and I visited campus many times growing up.

Eventually, I attended Penn as well. While there, I met some of my closest friends to this day and have been an active alumnus over the years.

Over the past few months, Penn’s leadership has been asleep at the wheel as the campus has become one of America’s most prominent hotbeds of unchecked antisemitism. This development has been regular headline news and even prompted a lawsuit from students. The tipping point came last week when Penn president Liz Magill testified before the United States Congress in a hearing about antisemitism on college campuses. In response to one pointed question, Magill said that, in her interpretation, calling for the genocide of all Jews doesn’t violate Penn’s code of conduct. More shockingly, she said it depends on the context of those genocidal calls, and those rallying cries only break the university’s code if they become actual conduct.

If you believe I am being hyperbolic or simplistic, please watch the video.

That was the breaking point for me. Magill demonstrated extremely poor leadership and a lack of moral clarity that I cannot ignore in good conscience. While Magill and Penn’s chairman of the board have both resigned since I first drafted this note, I am still waiting to see how a new administration will better address both antisemitism on campus and the current culture of preferred speech and ideas that has exacerbated that problem.

This experience of the past few months is a reminder of a couple of universal lessons about loyalty and identity.

Loyalty cannot be unconditional

Loyalty is a virtue. I have a lot of respect for people who stick by individuals and organizations through tough times and don’t judge others based solely on their worst moments.

However, loyalty cannot and should not lead you to compromise your values. When you have clarity on your core values, that clarity will occasionally prompt uncomfortable evaluations of the people and groups you’ve been loyal to, especially if they exhibit behavior or ideas you now find objectionable. In some cases, you’ll realize you need to sever ties with those who are not aligned with your values—otherwise, the cognitive dissonance will become unbearable.

In many cases, breaking loyalty toward someone who betrays your values (or theirs) is actually one of the best ways to force accountability. Despite the multigenerational role that Penn has played in my life, I simply can no longer ignore the values disconnect I feel under its current administration and leadership.

Your associations are not your identity

We live in a particularly tribal time, and people often tie their identity to a like-minded group. People consider their political party, favorite sports team, favorite club, or even their favorite pop star to be a key pillar of their identity.

The problem here is that when that person or group that is core to your identity does something objectionable, or even something unforgivable, it prompts a hard choice. Either you must acknowledge that someone or something core to your sense of self is not what you thought it was, or you must double down and justify the wrongdoing.

Identity should come from your character, values and passions. It should not be built upon what school you went to, the celebrity you worship or the political party to which you’ve registered.

This last point is why I have encouraged my two voting-age children to remain independent rather than join a political party, regardless of their beliefs. It’s a lot easier to pick a candidate that aligns with your values—or to reject one when they don’t—when that candidate isn’t on the team you’ve tied your identity to in some way. I have seen so many people twist themselves into ideological pretzels to support a candidate in their own party who clearly goes against all their stated values.

Loyalty is a virtue. Blind loyalty is foolish and dangerous. It enables the worst behavior of the people we support, forces us to change who we are, and causes us to lose sight of what matters most.

Quote of The Week

“My favorite thing in the world is to have my mind changed." - Derek Sivers

The above note is part of my Friday Forward series, which reaches over 200,000 leaders in 150+ countries each week.

Sign up today to have a copy sent directly to your inbox each Friday.

Learn more about my speaking, writing and work at www.robertglazer.com