Breaking Up With A Co-Founder pt 2

Previously on Days of Dan’s Life…

I found a partner who was my equal and opposite in every way possible, and we built something incredible together.?

And then Covid happened and the world went to…well you know

The stress of running a startup, being a new founder, and a global pandemic proved too much…something was bound to give

If you haven't read part one, go back and read it now

BREAKING UP

Right from day one I knew the days with my co-founder were numbered.?

How?

She told me straight up that she liked doing projects for 2 years at a time and then moving on. And she really wanted to work on software, anyway.?

No problem, I thought. I’ll just convince her to stay on.?

That worked at the start, but over time the conversation came up more and more frequently.?

We reached a stage where our growth slowed down and gradually started to plateau.? The sense that we were at the start of an incredible journey began to give way to a realisation that there was a long hard slog ahead of us.?

And as the company got bigger we had to deal with more problems and less fun. When you’ve got a team of twelve you know what everyone’s up to and you can support them really closely. When you’re a team of 50, with 100 clients, there’s always one upset person and one upset client to deal with on any given day.

Each time she told me she was thinking of leaving it got harder to talk her around. I felt her passion and care for the business decline. I felt exhausted trying to motivate us both.?

Eventually, it came full circle, and I was back at that feeling I'd had when I first started the business. Trying to hold it all together myself, overwhelmed and inadequate. Very much alone.

This was the toughest point for me.

I couldn’t sleep. I had a string of panic attacks. It was taking such a clear toll on my health. I knew I had to make a change.?

So, I tried to get some help, and I started a course of antidepressants.?

But I didn't have the energy left to talk my co-founder into staying one month at a time.?

It was time for her to move on.

SPLITTING UP

The actual process of splitting up was easier than we thought. We told the team (us somewhat tearful, them bemused) and she dropped her hours. After a few months, she was out of the company.

But that was only the start of a long process. We still had to find a way to buy out her shares. Spoiler alert: This is the hard part.

We had parted on good terms, but perhaps unsurprisingly the question of money put the relationship under a lot of strain. How could we buy back her shares? And how much were they worth?

And as usual, we had different perspectives on the situation:

Hers:

• The company is in a great position now largely thanks to me - it will probably continue to grow because of the foundations I've laid
• The hard work is in the past - this is chapter 9 of 10
• I deserve a good valuation and exit on good terms
• If I'm not getting what I expect it's because I'm being treated unfairly

Mine:

• The company is now in a much tougher position than ever before - better competition, less startup funding, one cofounder down and the other not feeling good
• Most of the hard work is still ahead of us - this is chapter 1 of 10
• If you choose to leave early you shouldn’t get to dictate the terms of your exit
• If she's not getting what she expects it's because the company can't afford it

On my side, I felt gutted to be losing a co-founder, and terrified to do it, in tougher economic conditions. She felt unfairly shut out from what was rightfully hers.

The communication became strained - and much more combative, which only made me less inclined to engage.?

Lawyers got involved - and at one point it was threatened that the company could be wound up.?

This was hard to read.?

When you've poured your heart and soul into building something you really care about with someone, it's painful to hear that they want to have it destroyed. You feel held to ransom.

Looking back I understand it - and I don't think it would have ever got to that - but she felt shut out, and desperate to have her voice heard.?

PULLING THROUGH

Although I've talked a lot about how alone I felt, in reality, I was far from it.

This was a tough transition for our company, and to be honest I was in no position to manage it.?

Thankfully I didn't have to. Some really great people in our business stepped up into this vacuum and helped pull us through. They’re the ones who deserve the credit for keeping the company thriving and growing in such a difficult situation.

In particular one of our earliest hires, Sam, was a real lifesaver. He mediated between myself and the cofounder and gave me the extra bit of distance I needed to focus on my work again. Not only that but he turned his hand to just about every aspect of our business over this period and got all those plates spinning again.?

In fact, his role quickly became so pivotal that in our recent rebrand, he agreed to take up the cofounder title himself.

Eventually, the negotiations to buy the shares dragged on for almost a year. A few times we got close to an agreement but it never seemed to get over the line.?

Finally, we had a breakthrough. We agreed on an amount and terms that seemed equally upsetting to both parties. The paperwork went through in a sudden flurry and a big chapter in the history of the business was put to bed.

LOOKING BACK

It’s tempting to draw out a list of ten things I learnt (10 things I learnt from losing a cofounder would also perform better as a clickbaity blog title). But in reality, I’m not sure it’s that simple.?

Anyone who’s been through it will tell you starting a business is a rollercoaster. I think anyone who tells you it’s never given them a sleepless night is probably lying. The idea that you can do things ‘right’ or avoid ‘mistakes’ in this situation probably misses the point.?

So the best advice, or lesson learnt, is simply to go with the flow. You cannot control everything, so when things don’t go according to plan - take a deep breath, and enjoy the ride. It’s not worth the energy to fight things that are out of your control.?

Although this was a really tough period overall, there were loads of good moments. Doing work you love is still totally worth it. Don’t forget how far you’ve come :)?

The end