Breaking the Stigma: Helping Our Family Members Seek Mental Health Support

We’ve all witnessed it at some point—the quiet struggles of the older generation when it comes to mental health. Perhaps it’s a parent who suddenly sleeps more than usual, stops engaging in their favourite activities, or seems emotionally distant. You worry, but when you bring up the idea of seeking help, the response is often resistant: “I’m fine.” “It’s nothing serious.” “Doctors are expensive,” they say.

In many cultures, including our own here in Singapore, there is often an unspoken stigma around seeking help for mental health. For our parents, admitting to struggles may feel like acknowledging weakness or failure. For us, as their children, this can be frustrating, especially when we see their well-being affected. But what if we approached this with more patience, understanding, and a mindset of service? How can we, as their children, become the bridge that helps them seek the care they may need?

Let’s explore how we can better understand their concerns and, more importantly, how we can gently guide them toward seeking help—without invalidating their fears or feelings.

This article is adapted from the transcript of Season 2, Episode 1 of our podcast Mindful Dialogues “My Family Is Toxic” with guest Vera Chua, a medical social worker, and host Noora Juma’at, a peer support specialist.

Noora:

How would you advise listeners to approach the conversation of getting a loved one who is mentally unwell to seek help?

Vera:

It helps when there’s a solid foundation in the relationship you’ve built with that person. When approaching the conversation about encouraging a loved one who is mentally unwell to seek help, it’s crucial to share your intentions and explain why you believe it’s a good idea. This is especially important in mental health, as it can be unfamiliar territory, and there’s often a gap between experiencing symptoms and seeking help. Many people may not realise that mood issues can be addressed by a doctor.

The first step is to familiarise yourself with mental health conditions and recognise the symptoms in your loved one. Then, approach the conversation with love and compassion. Remember, a person’s receptiveness to help is influenced by many factors. It’s important to introduce the idea and then follow up with action—such as offering to accompany them to appointments or suggesting a list of clinics. Ultimately, leave the final decision to them while continuing to show your support.

Noora:

I like what you said about offering the option to go with them or helping them find information about which clinics they can visit. It sounds very reassuring for someone seeking help, as it lets them know they’re not alone in their journey.

Building Bridges with Patience

It’s natural to feel frustrated when your concern is met with resistance. However, as the transcript highlights, small steps can make a big difference. When faced with reluctance, leading with empathy and patience is key. Here are some strategies:

1. Express Concern, Not Criticism

Frame your concern as an expression of love rather than something they need to “fix.” “Mom, I’ve noticed you’ve been feeling more tired lately and skipping meals. I’m worried because I love you and want you to feel your best.”

2. Normalise Seeking Help

Help make the idea of visiting a doctor feel less intimidating. Pair it with something they enjoy, as shared in the conversation:

“We’re due for a day out! Let’s visit the doctor together and grab chicken rice after, like old times.”

3. Offer Support Every Step of the Way

Many older individuals may feel unsure about explaining their feelings to professionals. Offer to accompany them and help initiate the conversation.

“I’ll go with you and help update the doctor about what’s been happening. We’ll figure this out together.”

Small Gestures, Big Impact

Not every parent will be ready to seek professional help immediately. In such cases, small acts of care can go a long way in showing support. For example, as mentioned in the podcast, a Reddit user shared how their mother bought essential oils for anxiety—an indirect yet meaningful way of expressing love.

Helping our parents seek mental health support is rarely a straightforward journey. It requires patience, compassion, and a willingness to meet them where they are. By understanding their hesitations, communicating with love, and supporting them every step of the way, we can help break the stigma and build stronger, healthier relationships.

At the heart of this effort lies a simple truth: when we approach these conversations with empathy and an open mind, we not only help our parents—we honour the bonds that make our families resilient and whole.

Let’s continue to create spaces where our loved ones feel safe to seek the help they deserve.

About Vera Chua :

With over 10 years of experience in mental healthcare as a medical social worker, Vera believes in the healing potential of family conversations. She currently practises family therapy in addition to her casework.

About Noora Juma'at:

Drawing from her personal experience with bipolar disorder, former Peer Support Specialist Noora Juma’at champions mental health recovery, uplifting both herself and others through peer-to-peer sessions at IMH.

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