Breaking the Silence
Emily Mitchell
Working hard to keep people safe and free from harm. Change Marker, Activist, Qualified Social Worker, Qualified Trainer, Director and founder of RiseStrong Consultancy.
Founder’s Story: A Journey of Resilience (Part 1)
Let’s set the scene. He was my first boyfriend, and I was 16. This was my introduction to an “adult” relationship. I would walk through the estate to get to his house, and he would ask what route I took. At the time, I thought, my God, he must really like me. But looking back now, at 42, I see it for what it was: control.
He would ask me what I was wearing and tell me to change and bring those clothes in a bag so I could change at his house. I viewed it all as him caring so much about me. He wanted to know if I passed by where the boys hung out, specifically he referred them to the ‘Black Boys’. He would say things like, “those black boys will just use you ‘cause that’s what they’re like.” Imagine the racism and control I accepted, never questioned. My introduction to a relationship was massively flawed already.
I am mixed heritage, Black Caribbean, Romani Gypsy, and White British. He was white and even at 16, he already held a negative view of black people; what did he really think of me? He already showed traits of control, all of which went over my head at the tender age of 16. I didn’t challenge these comments. I didn’t want to argue, and I didn’t yet have the words to confront this.
So many layers here to unpick, so much control and hurt that I had already unknowingly begun to internalise.
But then came the moment that would change everything.
You’re pregnant.
The words rang out, banging around my head. I didn’t even know how my body worked. What was I going to do? Was this a joke? How could I tell him? A brown baby, would it be accepted? My parents are going to be so angry? I am angry and SCARED. My life was over!
I had to tell my boyfriend at the time, he was playing computer games with a friend. His response still haunts me: “I don’t believe you. Prove it.” Humiliated, I walked into his family’s bathroom, took the test, and handed it to him while his friend kept playing in the background. In that moment, I knew I was truly alone. The biggest, scariest thing in my world was now mine to face.
Even before falling pregnant, the hallmarks of an unhealthy relationship were there: control, monitoring, subtle put-downs disguised as care. But it wasn’t until that moment, standing in his house, test in hand that I realised I would need to rely on my own strength to get through this.
And yet, even in the face of this reality, a tiny ember of resilience sparked. It whispered to me, “You’ll survive this.” That spark grew into a fire, one that fueled me through the darkest of days and there have been a few dark days.
I went through the whole pregnancy without his or his families support. I only saw him once during my pregnancy, when his mum and sister came to my parents home to ‘make plans’. Plans that never happened.
I remember feeling so lost and alone, despite having the support from my parents. It was the scariest journey navigating how I was going to be responsible for a whole human being.
As I tell my story, I want to speak up for all the young women who didn’t have the space to share their voices, for those who society wrote off for being young mothers.
Your strength matters.
Your stories matter.
Stay tuned next week as I share how that moment shaped the woman and fighter I am today.
Pic: Me aged 17 - (8 and half months pregnant.)
A lifetime ago! So much more to happen to the scared girl in the picture
'“People aren’t afraid of the dark. They’re afraid of what the dark hides.’”
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Mental Health
The intersection of mental health and domestic abuse is complex and often understated. Abuse, especially in young relationships, doesn’t always fit the overt stereotypes of harm depicted in media. It can be subtle—gas-lighting, emotional manipulation, and control tactics that gradually undermine a person’s sense of self. For young survivors, these experiences are compounded by the challenges of adolescence: a time when the brain is still maturing and self-identity is being formed. For more reading on the wiring of the brain there is a great book called The Whole Brain Child by Dan Siegel.
While specific UK statistics on the correlation between adolescent dating violence and mental health issues like depression and anxiety are limited, research indicates a significant prevalence of intimate partner violence among young people, with around half experiencing emotional victimisation PubMed Central. Additionally, exposure to dating violence is associated with increased levels of anxiety and depression, which of course is no surprise. Wiley Online Library
The recent Murder of Holly Newton, shows that this can happen; signs are there and we need to educate our young people, both boys and girls. This is the interview link of Holly’s parents sharing their nightmare. If you have time to watch it- it helps us shine that light and take some lessons forward into our work.
There is a really need for targeted interventions and support services to address the mental health impacts of dating violence among adolescents in the UK. For those navigating parenthood amidst abuse, the stakes are even higher. Parenting in such circumstances can exacerbate feelings of isolation and hopelessness, as survivors juggle the dual weight of trauma and responsibility.
We know that new legislation recognises that children exposed to domestic abuse are victims in their own right, acknowledging the profound emotional and psychological impact this environment has on their development. Yet for young parents who are still finding their footing in the world, societal judgment adds another layer of pressure. The stigma surrounding young mothers, often labeled as not as capable, can often be discouraged them from seeking help.
Impact of Judgement
When survivors of abuse seek help, their mental health responses are often pathologised rather than understood. Anxiety, hypervigilance, and emotional outbursts are completely natural reactions to trauma.
How many times have we heard the word "hysteria" or instability when referencing women. The term "hysteria," historically used to dismiss women’s emotions, has roots in misogyny and the medicalisation of women’s experiences. Derived from the Greek word hystera (uterus), it was used and still used for centuries to weaponise women’s emotions and silence their voices. Our Founder will soon share the time her mental health took a dive and this was seen as ‘playing the victim’ or ‘just put up and shut up’ when in actual fact her reactions was very much a reasonable response to a huge level of trauma not hysteria.
Even today, the casual dismissal of women as "crazy" persists, often employed in legal battles and personal disputes to undermine their credibility. For young survivors, especially young mothers, these stereotypes can influence child custody decisions, access to resources, and the willingness of authorities to take their concerns seriously. Sometimes not having the funds or tools to navigate some of these archaic systems. This systemic bias underscores the need for trauma-informed care that focuses on understanding survivors’ experiences rather than judging their reactions.
Call to Action: A Collective Effort
We must challenge societal judgments that isolate survivors of abuse.
By raising awareness, advocating for intersectional approaches, and supporting trauma-informed practices, we can create a culture that uplifts rather than diminishes their voices.
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