BREAKING: Sharon cures anxiety by telling us 'not to worry'!!

“It’s nothing to worry about.”

If I had a tenner for every single time someone said that to me, I’d probably dress like someone who hadn’t been dragged through a fancy dress shop backwards.

If one were to tell themselves not to worry, thus not being worried, one probably does not have anxiety, Sharon.

I could tell myself every reassurance under the sun and yet the body reacts the way the body reacts, and before I know it my palms and neck are sweaty (Eminem has nothing on me) and my heart is racing so fast it’d be a great backing track for some club music.

The simple fact is, knowing what we are and how we are does not change the two fundamentally.

I know I am anxious. I know that I often fixate and ruminate on small details. I almost always know what will set me off into an anxious spiral of sweat and ill-timed jokes.

It’s a misconception with anxiety that people with anxiety think their irrational thoughts are true.

I know that my irrational thoughts are exactly that. They’re irrational. That doesn’t stop the very obvious bodily reaction that I have to them in terms of shaking hands, butterflies in my stomach and a general lack of coherence.

It is who we are that dictates how we deal with our human condition.

My human condition just so happens to be oriented towards ‘what ifs’ and ‘but why’s’.

Does knowing this prevent me from ruminating? Not particularly. However, as someone who is rather low maintenance and has an aversion to bringing my issues to the forefront (ironic as I’m writing this, yet still) means that I have my own unique way of coping.

It's not just with anxiety, I’m sure anyone reading this with a mental health condition has been told stupid things before as they’re seeking reassurances.

“Don’t be sad,” or “just don’t think about it!”.

Well what kind of advice is that?

Oh, don’t worry!!! I hadn’t thought of that. It’s a miracle!!! I’m cured!

Here’s the thing, everyone has mental health and therefore everyone will cope and present differently. Not everyone with depression meets the criteria symptom-wise for depression, but does that mean they aren’t depressed?

It wasn’t too long ago the symptoms had to be adjusted in depression to not just represent a lack of appetite or sleep to an excess of appetite and sleep.

There are plenty of coaches out there who will exploit these differences to make you believe they can ‘cure’ you, or that they have the ‘answers’.

They don’t. Thomas is a dirty liar and his half price coaching sessions are bullshit.

You are the expert in your own mental health, and its as simple as that. Only you know what will work best for you, in your gut. It might need coaxing out of you, and you’ll most likely need and seek advice around it, but you know deep down how you feel.

Nobody else does.

This is why trivialising, infantilising or implying someone is in need of ‘fixing’ is not only completely ridiculous, but damaging.

Stop harming people’s self-perceptions when they’re probably already struggling. If it’s true and real for them, then what right do you have to imply that they can remove their feelings entirely from the face of the earth?

If demanding someone be happy worked, there would be a lot of people out of jobs next week.

In the same breath, if you could be truly ‘cured’ from a mental health condition, why are ‘relapses’ so common with most conditions? Because we’re stupidly complex underneath all the Instagram posts, ‘I’m fine’s’, and baggage we all have.

Do you think that I don’t tell myself not to worry? There I am, staring at myself in the mirror like a scene from American Psycho, chanting DON’T WORRY to myself, as though it’ll change the fact that my body is in flight mode as soon as I read a simple text.

(It doesn’t work, in my experience, I have to say.)

I have seen plenty of people that stand by the concept that a vegan diet and yoga have ‘saved them’ from their depression. Alternatively, I have seen many others that put all of their disadvantages and negative experiences/relationships down to their mental health conditions.

My advice? Take ownership of your mental health.

I’m anxious, I have anxiety and I probably look really shady at networking events due to an inability to keep eye contact for an entire conversation or stand entirely still. If you usually send me a text with x’s and suddenly there’s none, I will assume I have slighted you in some way immediately.

Knowing my anxiety is much like knowing myself (with total transparency and honesty), as it propels me forward to try to push myself further to expand my comfort zone. When you truly acknowledge your mental state, you can commit to knowing what will worsen or better it, and who is positively impacting it or negatively impacting it.

For all of my perceived flaws due to my anxiety, I still love myself.

I have a general aversion to the Instagram-esque positive affirmations as I’m not that type of person, nor do I respond to the ‘You’ve got this, QUEEEEEEEEEN!’ type posts.

Yet, self-love is the greatest tool we have to combat our mental health, as we can love ourselves not in spite of our condition but because of it.

If I didn’t have anxiety, I probably wouldn’t have the sense of humour I do. I wouldn’t be more attentive to others and their mood, nor would I have the level of sheer empathy I do, particularly for others who have struggled with their mental health.

This isn’t glamorising or romanticising my anxiety, it’s just me living alongside it. There is the classic argument of ‘What is Grace, and what is Grace’s anxiety?’

The honest answer? I couldn’t tell you if I tried.

We’re not just symptoms on WebMD, and we’re not just person + mental health condition = person with mental health condition. Your symptoms will create coping mechanisms that permeate your everyday life to the point where you honestly can’t tell where ‘you’ begin, and where the ‘condition’ ends.

But I’m fine the way I am, and I will fucking worry as much as I like.