Breaking the news of your separation or divorce to family & friends?

Breaking the news of your separation or divorce to your parents, relatives and friends is never easy and it may be you've been putting it off for some time.

Naturally, it can be quite a stressful conversation and it may cause a lot of emotional upheaval for everyone involved. Most people are usually fearful of:

• Disappointing their parents or relatives.
• Not getting the support they need or hoped for.
• Hearing judgmental comments such as “I warned you about them!” or “I knew this would happen!”
• Feeling pressured into taking action to “sort things out”
• Breaking family traditions or challenging cultural practices
• Not being together as a ‘family’ on important occasions and future celebrations
• Others trying to take control of their situation and tell them what to do

Try to remain composed and deliver the message calmly. Don’t give too much detail or lay blame on anyone for the situation.?Be gentle when you break the news but get to the point, rather than starting the conversation with a long-winded, confusing explanation. Just getting it out in the open spares everyone more anxiety than is necessary.

Don't expect a particular response from anyone - there are no guarantees about how people will react. At first they may be shocked and upset but hopefully they will come around with offers of love and support once they have some time to absorb and reflect and get over their initial feelings of surprise.?

You might think most parents would be supportive of their children and react in a kind, caring and compassionate way but this is not always the case. Whether they feel you are making the right decision or not, they will most likely be saddened, shocked, as well as concerned about you, and your future. If you have children they will worry about how it impacts on their grandchildren and their relationship with them.

Giving a reason for your breakup may help family and friends better understand and support your decision. You don’t have to give too many details (sometimes "less is more"!) but try not to create a ‘blame’ situation, particularly for the sake of your children.

Sharing your plans for moving forward will let them know that you have given thought to the next steps. Reassure them you are working together to sort out matters in a practical way with your children’s welfare at the heart of your approach.?

Let them know that you will need their emotional support during this difficult and stressful time in your life. If you need financial assistance, discuss this with them. Sometimes parents may not know how best to help, so open up to them.

Don’t let anyone push you into staying in an unhappy or unhealthy relationship.?

If your parents or friends disagree with your decision and are advising you?to “try and work it out”, you will need to reassure them that:?

• You have not made this decision lightly.
• You have worked on your relationship
• You are sorry to disappoint them.
• You need them to respect and support your decision.
• You intend to move forward in a positive way.

Your family will still need to interact with your ex and there will be occasions in your children’s lives when both families come together so you want your parents and relatives to remain civil and cordial with the other parent. ???????

An antagonistic relationship between extended families will certainly make it more difficult for you, but more importantly, it will make it very hard for your children as they pick up on any negative energies, friction or hostility.?

Your divorce does impact on your parents, relatives and friends, but it is your life and your children’s life that is most important.

Visit www.kidscomefirstuk.co.uk for info about our separated parent workshops