Breaking the Myth: Yes, You Can Have Friends at Work.

The workplace, for many, is not just a space where tasks are accomplished, and goals are achieved; it is a complex ecosystem of human emotions, relationships, and, most importantly, empathy. Despite the recent trend of opinions claiming “you can’t have friends at work,” I find that these friendships and the empathy we share have been the foundation of my professional and personal well-being.

I remember a time when I returned to work after facing personal challenges. The most significant thing that stood out wasn’t the number of people checking in or offering help. It was, instead, the space my colleagues gave me. Without words, they knew I needed to be left on my own to process my thoughts. It was empathy in its purest form — an unspoken understanding, a vibration you feel, which cannot be intellectualized or taught through life coaching.

This invisible thread of empathy started with the first leader of my organization, who was a man of few words but exuded a calm, empathetic presence. Whether it was his partner, who influenced his ability to show such understanding or his natural disposition, I cannot say. But his demeanor rippled through the team, creating a culture where empathy was felt by every member of the staff. It was a safety net that protected our emotional well-being, offering a sanctuary in the form of our work environment.

Being in the business of education, where students and teachers naturally form a bond of trust and understanding, empathy within the workplace almost feels like a given. In this environment, we aren’t just dealing with curriculum and academic achievements. We are engaged with the emotional and intellectual development of our students, an exchange that inherently requires a deep sense of empathy. This same empathy, which we cultivate with our students, naturally extends to our colleagues. After all, we are all striving to make a positive impact on young minds. The bonds we build with each other are often rooted in that same sense of purpose and shared values.

It brings to mind an article I recently read that boldly declared, “You cannot have friends in the workplace.” To that, I say: How wrong can one be? My workplace friends have become my life anchors. They are the ones I turn to during times of trouble, joy, and change. I seldom reach out to my school or college friends anymore when I’m in need. My work friends are my people.

This idea that friendships and empathy cannot coexist with professionalism ignores the reality that we spend most of our lives in our workplaces. How could it not be personal? We, as colleagues, share common organizational goals and experiences, support each other through personal and professional challenges, and even, at times, compete for the same recognition or promotions. And here’s where things get tricky, how do we balance that professional competition with our friendships?

We’ve all had those moments where we’re happy for a friend’s success, yet, at the same time, there’s a twinge of envy. It’s the classic internal conflict: “I’m genuinely happy for you, but why not me?” However, it’s this empathy and understanding of each other’s struggles that help us overcome those fleeting feelings of envy and return to a place of mutual support.

Empathy in the workplace isn’t just about understanding someone’s struggles. It’s about recognizing that we all have ambitions, desires, and that occasional ‘green-eyed monster.’ But despite those moments, we support each other. We lift each other. The unique nature of our profession, particularly in academia, breaks down the traditional age barriers. We work with young and old minds alike; those who are eager to learn and those who wish to teach. This environment fosters empathy because we aren’t just interacting with colleagues; we’re engaging with a variety of perspectives, experiences, and emotions daily.

Our workplace, filled with unspoken empathy, defies the idea that professionalism and friendship are mutually exclusive. They thrive together. Empathy allows us to connect on a human level, making our workspaces not just places of labor but environments where we can feel supported, understood, and valued.

P.S: I Love you, my school friends.