Breaking the Grip of Greed... A Slow Metamorphosis towards Generosity

“Generosity is what keeps what we own from owning us.”

Anonymous

Greed is in all of us. It is fueled by our desire for self-aggrandizement and self-pleasure. The only guard against greed is generosity. How does generosity take root in our lives?

Allow me to share my own journey.

When I was in my thirties, I have the habit of accumulation, buying the latest and the fanciest. My friends and family call me the ‘gadget man.’ I was always the earliest adopter of the latest gadgets, regardless the cost.

Whether it was Sony Walkman, or the first Motorola mobile phone, or the latest Apple iPhone, I would be the first to take possessions.

Besides having them as a status symbol, I was suffering from FOMO-phobia. Of course, my justification was efficiency.

In 2001, Peter Chao, my mentor, my wife, Alison, and I were invited to visit a very poor Lahu community in Chiang Rai to see how our non-profit organization, Eagles Communications, can support their cause. ?

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We saw 50 teenage girls and boys crammed into a delipidated 3 x 3-meter room. Their dinner consisted of a bowl of vegetable soup and rice.

Their parents, living in the mountains, had sent them to Chiang Rai town for their education provided by the Thai Government.

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Every morning, these kids had to traverse a few kilometers by foot to the school, which catered for 2,000 tribal children in Northern Thailand. With S$ 50, we were told we could feed one child for a whole month!

I thought my new iPhone could feed all the 50 of them for 1 month! I felt so guilt-ridden.

The Eagles donated S$10,000 to buy a one hectare of land for them to construct a permanent home for the children, which we had named, ‘Blessing Home’.

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Every year, our community would celebrate Christmas, buying and exchanging gifts for each other. Very often, I received additional T-shirts or ties, which I would hoard them in my over-stuffed wardrobe.

That Christmas, Peter challenged our community to forgo our traditional gift exchange and donate all the money, about S$10,000 to Blessing Home for them to construct a chapel/classroom. ?That began our partnership with them.

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From then on, we would donate our yearly Christmas offering to build additional facilities, playground, drainage, farm etc. for the Home.

In addition, Alison and I would organize annual trips for all the parents and children in our community to visit the home and befriend the Lahu kids.

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All the children, especially my three kids relish this annual visit so much. It became the highlight of our life. We started to adopt the Lahu children and fund their education @ S$50 per month.

What did I learn about breaking the grip of greed?

1.????????????? Don’t try losing your attachment but discover fresh joy.

“If you can’t feed a hundred people, just feed one.”

Mother Theresa

Experiencing poverty first-hand was my first step towards transformation. I have a fresh perspective about my proclivity for gadgets at the expense of doing good.

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In fact, I have discovered the bliss of helping the poor, which far outweighs the ecstasy of the ‘more and better’ devises.

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This fresh perspective and life-changing experience about the poor slowly became a conviction: the less I spend, the more I can give.

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To be sure, my metamorphosis was not immediate. I still bought my new iPhone or latest gadget. But over the years, many of these devices have lost their appeal.

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2.????????????? Don’t just give money, give time.

I discover giving money is the easiest.

Spending extended time every year with the Lahu kids was the hardest but most meaningful! I experience…

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·?????????????? Sharing their joy in simple things.

·?????????????? Enjoying traditional games like rolling marbles into sand holes.

·?????????????? Singing and dancing to Lahu folk music around campfire.

·?????????????? Lying down with Lahu friends on the grass patch.

·?????????????? Admiring the constellations in a starry night sky in Chiang Rai.?

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All these experiences metamorphose me bit by bit. The result: Discovering a growing futility of all my amassing, a greater desire to simplify my life and a gnawing sense of what more I can give.

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3.????????????? Don’t wait for pure motives to give, give even if you are ambivalent.

Anyway

People are often unreasonable and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse of ulterior motives,

Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you, Be honest anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow,

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough,

Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God,

It will never be between you and them anyway. Mother Theresa

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To overcome greed, I have to deal with my fears. Almost all my gifts are predicated with a suspicion of ‘What if?’.

o??????? I am being taken advantage of.

o??????? I am being exploited by ‘organized poverty’.

o??????? I am scammed by unscrupulous individuals.

o??????? I don’t really want to give just to relieve my guilt or hypocrisy.

o??????? I only give to be admired or appeared benevolent, when I am not.

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Because of these mixed feelings, I justify my non-giving. (By the way, I am not talking about dispensing tens of thousands of dollars! Even for tens or hundreds I hesitate!)

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These fears are real. ?

I reckon I don’t have to feel pure. My mixed motives will always be there.

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But I just had to keep giving. This is what I call, ‘creative hypocrisy’ – do it even if I have mixed motives. Give even if I have fears or even if I don’t have this gush of compassion swelling inside me. I have to ‘fake-it-till-you-make-it’.

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Yes, I have been cheated more than a few times.

Very soon, I became more convinced of what I am doing is right as I begin to see some fruits in my giving.

I must do generosity not talk generosity. I cannot say, “I am not going to be greedy”.? I simply have to be generous to slowly purge the grip of greed.

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When I embrace this giving mentality and continue to journey with the poor and disadvantaged, greed becomes less and less a stranglehold.