Breaking Gender Roles at Home: Navigating the Complications

First and foremost, I wanted to give a shout out to Margeaux Giles who encouraged me to address this subject in one of my articles after an hour of conversation at our Galentine's APIW luncheon. Thank you for the feedback, your input on this topic, and your support!

Gender roles have long played a significant role in shaping societal expectations and behaviors. One area where these roles have been deeply ingrained is within the household. Traditionally, men have been assigned the role of breadwinners, while women have been expected to take care of domestic responsibilities. However, as our understanding of gender equality evolves, so too does our understanding of the complications that arise from rigidly adhering to these roles. Let's explore the complexities of gender roles at home and the challenges they pose to modern households.

1. The Traditional Gender Roles:

Historically, gender roles at home have been defined by a clear division of labor. Men were expected to provide financial support, while women were responsible for cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing. These roles were reinforced by societal norms and expectations, perpetuating the idea that certain tasks were inherently masculine or feminine.

Additionally, what was reinforced to me as a child by my family, my educators, the media was that certain careers were meant for certain genders. I was told I could be a nurse but not a doctor, a teacher but not a principal, a stewardess but not a pilot, a librarian but not a professor. These constant external messages made it even more difficult to pursue a career in a male dominated field and especially one where the pay was variable (commissioned) but had no ceiling as opposed to the safe hourly, dependable job.

?2. The Changing Landscape:

In recent decades, significant progress has been made towards gender equality. Women have entered the workforce in larger numbers, challenging the notion that their primary role is within the home. Men, too, have begun to take on more domestic responsibilities. This shift has been driven by various factors, including changing societal attitudes, economic necessity, and the desire for a more balanced and equitable partnership.

?3. Complications Arise:

While progress has been made, the transition away from traditional gender roles is not without its complications. Both men and women often face challenges and resistance when deviating from societal expectations. Men may face criticism for prioritizing family over career, while women may be judged for pursuing ambitious careers instead of focusing solely on homemaking.

This has been the case for me as I sought to improve my professional station. A little over four years ago, I lived in a small farm town in the middle of Michigan. There was little opportunity and I had reached the top of the ladder of what was available to me. I was offered a promotion at work which required relocation to Pennsylvania. When I discussed this with friends and family the feedback was, "Why can't you just be satisfied with where you are? Why do you always feel the need to be more? and the worst one, "When are you going to see you're not that trailer park girl anymore and settle in?". I struggled with being judged for desiring a bigger life and internalized their fears of growth as it always requires risk. Many conversations with myself later, here I am, living my best life to date.

?4. Unconscious Bias and Expectations:

Unconscious bias also plays a significant role in perpetuating gender roles at home. Deeply ingrained societal expectations can lead to unconscious bias, where individuals unknowingly associate certain tasks or responsibilities with one gender. This bias can influence decisions and actions, making it difficult to break free from traditional gender roles.

This is where many of us women, who are forging headlong into our career, feel the sting the most. We find ourselves knee deep in a project or tight deadline for work while simultaneously having to pick up the groceries, cook the dinner, do laundry, put the kids to bed, you name it we carry the responsibility on our shoulders most often times without even being asked to do so. We have subconsciously subscribed to these societal norm roles and find ourselves burnt out, depressed, angry or worse still, numb.

?5. Balancing Work and Home Life:

One of the most significant challenges faced by modern households is finding a balance between work and home life. With both partners often working full-time, the division of household responsibilities becomes crucial. Negotiating and redistributing tasks based on individual strengths and preferences can help create a more harmonious and equitable household.

Most importantly, we need to set boundaries with our partners. A potential solution, create a list of who will take on which tasks and hang it somewhere it can be viewed by each of you and your children. This will help reinforce the redistribution for each other and provide some context for the kids to know who to go to on certain days or for certain tasks.

?6. Benefits of Breaking Gender Roles:

Breaking free from traditional gender roles at home can bring numerous benefits. It allows individuals to pursue their passions and interests, promotes a more egalitarian partnership, and sets a positive example for future generations. Sharing responsibilities fosters better communication, enhances empathy, and strengthens the bond between partners.

?Conclusion:

Gender roles at home have evolved over time, but the complications surrounding them persist. Challenging traditional expectations and embracing a more equitable division of labor is essential for creating healthier and happier households. It requires open communication, a willingness to challenge unconscious biases, and a commitment to nurturing a partnership that transcends societal norms. By breaking free from rigid gender roles, we pave the way for a more inclusive and fulfilling future for all.