Breaking Free

Recently, my husband Aaron Robinson called me brave.

“Me? Brave? I’m scared all the time,” I responded. “Of working for myself. Of writing this book.”

“And yet you are doing both. You’ve been working for yourself. You’re writing this book. Courage is about facing your fear, not running from it. And doing the scary things anyway.”

CURSES when your husband is right.

In 1894, Mark Twain (one of my husband’s favorite authors) wrote:

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear.

This book writing process terrifies me. I’m scared of so many things:

• I don’t really know much about the topic.
• What I write is wrong.
• I won’t get to the needed word count.
• Others will find what I write boring or lame.
• I’ll disappoint those who have faith in me.
• By writing I’ll take away time from building my business.
• I won’t finish my draft in time.
• Despite writing since childhood, despite exceling in every English class, despite accolades for articles and blogs…I’m not a good writer.

I recently spoke on the DISRUPTHR Los Angeles stage – invited for the 5th time, surrounded by adoring fans – about imposter syndrome. I know – does it get more ironic? Imposter syndrome is a behavioral phenomenon that makes us feel anxious, inadequate, and like an utter failure despite tangible evidence to the contrary. Our minds have etched a story about ourselves in granite, grooved so deeply that it withstands all erasing.

Somehow, despite decades of stuttering, I keep finding the courage – battling the imposter syndrome – to get on stages to help others find their way through the darkness.

How can I find that courage to write this @#$%^ book?

By smashing the stories. And continuing to act even when terrified.

Here’s where the current astrology comes in. (HAH! You thought I wouldn’t go there.) Jupiter, the planet of expansion, higher thinking, beliefs, good fortune, and protection, is moving through the sign of Gemini – which rules writing and communication. It’s been in Gemini since May, which is when my book contract conversations picked up – my sample chapter, table of contents, and visioning exercises sailed through my publisher’s scrutiny.

However, that juicy Jupiter energy is slowing as the planet goes retrograde – which means it appears to move backwards in the sky. This turns the planet’s energy inward and reflective.

One of my favorite astrologers likened this to Jupiter asking us to stand on your own. The planet of protection is saying, “OK, I gave you a head start in all things Gemini – analysis, critical thinking, drafting. Your community believes in you. Your publisher believes in you. It’s time to believe in yourself and leave the nest because you’re ready to fly.”

Bringing this out of astrology and into the workplace, think of the adult development phase when competence is solid, but confidence is wobbly. We know how to do the work but don’t believe we can. When teaching situational leadership – which asks leaders to adapt their approach to meet the development needs of their employees for specific tasks and assignments – I’ve long called this the “baby bird in the nest” stage.

I just connected the dots between fear and astrology and leadership development. Maybe I do know a few things.

If I can’t smash the “I’m not a good writer” story, maybe I can put a dent in it.

I’ll close with lyrics that have been swirling in my brain as I consider my response to fear:

I want to break free. I want to break free from your lies. You're so self-satisfied, I don't need you. I've got to break free.

Tina Schust Robinson , a speaker, facilitator, and executive coach, is under contract with the Association for Talent Development (ATD) to write her first book on investing in leaders. She's using this blog to hold herself accountable and to keep facing her fears. And, maybe along the way, to help others break free from their own self-limiting beliefs. Learn more about her at the WorkJoy website.