Breaking Free: How I Found Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

It was my third year working in Southern France, and I was thriving. When I started at the NATO Helicopter Management Agency, it took time to establish myself, build credibility, and find my place in Aix-en-Provence. Making friends outside the Agency was challenging, even though I'd mastered the southern accent. I remember enjoying life immensely before someone entered my life and altered it for the worse.

To the outside world and at work, I was a young, ambitious woman dancing Hip-Hop in my free time and shining in the office.

I loved working for top leadership, as it exposed me to amazing opportunities I wouldn't have had otherwise. I was fortunate to work for an Italian general who was like a father figure outside work and a leader in the office. He never treated me as just a secretary, but as a human being with great potential he was determined to unlock. Such bosses are rare—if you have one, appreciate them!

But no one knew.

No one knew that the moment I came home, unlocked my door, and closed it behind me, I entered a totally different world—a world where I was belittled, abused, and taken advantage of. Every day, I felt scared coming home, not knowing what to expect.

I remember focusing solely on surviving each day, unable to think about my self-worth or leaving. I was entangled in a narcissistic and toxic dynamic that took two and a half years to escape, ultimately moving to another country to find some semblance of peace.

I don't use the word "narcissism" lightly. I believe we live in a world where people are quick to label someone as narcissistic when they feel triggered or when someone acts out of character.

We have influencers on social media, with no clinical psychological background, sharing how to recognize a narcissist and what to do—often just because they were rejected or their needs weren't met as they wanted.

But having lived with one for over two years—having endured the mental, emotional, and physical abuse—I know what abusive and toxic relationships look and feel like when trapped in a dynamic with a narcissist.

And that's what this week's EQ Oasis Theme is all about: helping you prevent or recover from such relationship dynamics by remembering your worth and transforming fear into courage. This empowers you to make decisions that honor you as a human being who deserves healthy relationships.

This week, I am exploring how narcissistic relationships affect our emotional well-being and self-worth. Narcissists often employ tactics like gaslighting, love-bombing, and devaluing to keep control. This can leave you questioning your reality and erode your self-confidence.

If you resonate, you can check out the EQ Oasis Newsletter here and dive deeper into this week's edition packed with personal stories, creative wisdom and healing strategies with emotional intelligence.

Welcome to your EQ Oasis Weekly Digest!

Each day, we’ll focus on practical tools, reflections, and stories to help you shift from perfectionism to self-acceptance and emotional freedom.

Monday: Moonlight Motivation ??

Theme: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

In Monday’s personal and raw reflection, I share my journey of living in a narcissistic and abusive relationship for more than two years. It’s been a long road, but it’s also one where I learned to heal the parts of myself that accepted toxic dynamics in all of my relationships—personal and professional. If you resonate with this story, I hope it inspires you to know, deep in your heart, that you deserve better than this. This is not it.

Key Insight: You are not defined by how others treat you. Your worth is inherent, and healing starts when you recognize that truth.

<< Watch Full Video Here >>

Tuesday: Mars in Motion ??

Theme: Taking Action and Reclaiming Your Power

Today is all about action. When you’ve been stuck in a toxic dynamic, it’s easy to feel powerless. But remember, every small step you take towards protecting your peace is a powerful move toward reclaiming your life. It doesn’t have to be a giant leap; it can be as simple as setting a boundary, saying "no," or reaching out for support.

Practical Strategy:

Start with one thing today—one boundary or action that prioritizes your well-being. Whether it’s blocking a harmful contact or scheduling time for yourself, each action reminds you that you are in control.

Key Insight: Every act of self-care and protection is a declaration of your worth.

Wednesday: Mercury’s Wisdom ??

Theme: A Note from Your Future Self

Being inspired by someone else can often give you the courage to leave a toxic situation. However, there’s someone even better you may not have considered yet—your future self. This version of you has already walked the path to freedom and self-love and is waiting for you to catch up. When you align with your future self’s vision, you can transform your present.

Key Insight: Your future self already knows you are deserving of more. Trust them, and don’t settle for anything less than respect and love.

<< Watch Full Video Here >>

Thursday: Jupiter’s Growth ??

Theme: Turning Fear into Courage

Fear keeps us stuck, often whispering that we can’t leave or we aren’t strong enough to face what’s next. But Thursday is all about growth—and with growth comes courage. Courage isn’t about being fearless; it’s about taking steps even when fear is present.

Practical Strategy:

Use the ABCDE Technique to challenge your fears:

• A: Acknowledge the fear that’s holding you back.
• B: Break it down by asking, Is this fear based on fact, or is it based on emotion?
• C: Challenge that fear with empowering thoughts—replace “I’m not strong enough” with “I have survived so much already.”
• D: Develop new patterns of thinking rooted in your true worth.
• E: Execute small, courageous actions today that move you forward. This could be as simple as writing down your exit plan or seeking support from someone you trust.

Key Insight: Growth happens when you take action despite the fear. Even small steps lead to big changes.

Friday: Venus Friday ??

Theme: Poetry for Healing and Self-Love

Sometimes, all we need is a creative reminder that it’s not okay to stay in toxic and abusive dynamics. Whether it’s in the workplace, platonic relationships, or romantic partnerships, no one has the right to violate your fundamental right to safety and security. This week’s poem reflects my journey toward the realization that I deserved better—and so do you.

Key Insight: You are worthy of love, safety, and respect. Never settle for anything less.

<< Watch Full Video Here >>

Saturday: Saturn’s Shield ??

Theme: Protecting Your Peace with Emotional Boundaries

Boundaries are not barriers that imprison you. Rather, they are the standards that set you free—allowing you to live, love, and fully become who you were born to be. - Nadja

Leaving a toxic relationship is a courageous step toward reclaiming your life. But what comes next can be just as challenging: learning to build and maintain emotional boundaries.

Does this resonate with you?

The fear of repeating old patterns, the uncertainty of how to protect your heart without closing it off completely. After being in a toxic dynamic, it's common to struggle with setting boundaries—you might worry about pushing others away or feel guilty for putting yourself first.

But there's a healthier way forward.

What if you could establish boundaries that empower you and enrich your relationships?

Boundaries are essential. They safeguard your well-being while allowing you to connect authentically with others. It's not about isolation; it's about connection on your terms.

Here are some of my own strategies to start building emotional boundaries and embrace healthier relationships:

Reflect on Your Needs

After leaving a toxic relationship, take time to identify what you truly need and value in your interactions. Understanding your emotional needs is the foundation of setting effective boundaries.

Practice Self-Awareness

Tune into your feelings and reactions. Recognize triggers that make you uncomfortable or anxious. This awareness will help you anticipate situations where boundaries are needed.

Communicate Assertively

When you need to set a boundary, express it clearly and calmly:

• "I appreciate your concern, but I need some space to process my thoughts."
• "I prefer to take things slowly in this relationship."

Assertive communication respects both your needs and the other person's feelings.

Start Small

If setting boundaries feels overwhelming, begin with small steps. Practice saying "no" in low-stakes situations to build your confidence.

Seek Support

Connect with friends, family, or support groups who understand your journey. Sharing your experiences can provide encouragement and reinforce your commitment to maintaining boundaries.

Release the Guilt

Remember, it's okay to prioritize your well-being. Setting boundaries isn't selfish—it's a essential for our healing journey and developing healthy relationships.

Stay Open to Trust

While it's important to protect yourself, remain open to building trust with those who respect your boundaries. Healthy relationships are possible, and you deserve them.

Building emotional boundaries after leaving a toxic relationship is a profound act of self-love.

It's about honouring your journey, protecting your peace, and opening the door to relationships that uplift and inspire you. You have the strength to create the life and connections you desire.

Sunday: Solar Shine ??

Theme: Transcending the Fear of Being Seen

As the week comes to a close, let's reflect on the power of self-love and how it transforms every aspect of our lives. Often, we wait for the sun to rise and shine to feel good about ourselves and our lives. We allow other planets—representing the people, places, and events in our lives—to either ignite or dim our light. But what if you became the sun in your world, shining regardless of the other planets?

That's what Solar Sunday's Shine reminds us: we all have the ability to become the sun, to rise and set each day based on our own capacity to shine, regardless of our external environment.

Here are key reminders to help you embrace yourself fully:

1. Self-Respect

Self-love starts with self-respect. When you honor your boundaries and refuse to settle for less than you deserve, you teach others how to treat you.

Affirmation: "I honor and respect myself. I set boundaries that protect my peace."

2. Self-Forgiveness

Let go of the guilt from past mistakes. Self-forgiveness frees you to move forward and heal.

Affirmation: "I forgive myself and release guilt. I deserve peace."

3. Self-Belief

Believe in your own worth, even when others doubt you. Trust that you are enough just as you are.

Affirmation: "I believe in myself. I trust my journey and my abilities."

4. Self-Care

Prioritize your well-being. Taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s essential.

Affirmation: "I nurture my body, mind, and soul with love and care."

5. Self-Empowerment

Own your power. You have the strength to create the life you desire.

Affirmation: "I am in control of my life and choices. I am strong and capable."

This Sunday, remind yourself that self-love is a practice that brings you closer to your true self. For the full EQ Vitamins to help you develop your own Solar Shine, check out my weekly EQ Oasis Newsletter here.

Looking Ahead & Stay Connected

Next week, I will be sharing how I managed to recover from my burnout, the preventive strategies I have in place and how I manage my energy to live a higher quality of life where there is no space or place for burnout.

I’d love to hear from you! Have you experienced a narcissistic relationship or are you in the process of healing from one? Share your story or reflections with me via email or on social media.

Remember, leaving a toxic relationship is not just about walking away from someone—it’s about walking toward yourself. You are strong, worthy, and capable of creating a life full of love, peace, and respect.

With love & gratitude,

Nadja ?? ?? ??

P.S. If this resonates, share it with someone who needs to know they are more than enough too.

P.S.S If you are ready to dive in deeper...

• Join the EQ Oasis Community: Connect and grow with others on the path to resilience in a safe space absent of judgement, and filled with support and guidance. Join the Waiting List.
• 6-Day Inner Peace Challenge: Begin your journey to inner calm by building a strong foundation that starts within. Learn more.
• Subscribe to the EQ Oasis Newsletter: If you’re looking for a safe space to share your journey, I invite you to join us in the EQ Oasis community. A healing Oasis to help you rest, re-energise and rise in your power.