Breaking Free

Do you ever feel that people sometimes take advantage of you? Do you ever suspect that people take your kindness for granted? Do you sometimes have difficulty saying ‘No’?

The problem’s more widespread than you might imagine. And it’s largely a result of the way we conduct our relationships with other people. Happiness can exist only in acceptance.

-??????George Orwell

It’s time to take a closer look at this intriguing aspect of human dynamics.

We could better describe the problem as a by-product of our insatiable need for approval.

Let's take an example. Have you ever noticed how some people try to make you feel guilty or unwanted when you don’t do what they want you to do? As if they can withdraw their approval whenever you fail to live up to their demands? It’s a widespread phenomenon and a very unhealthy way to conduct any relationship.

Yet it happens all the time.

It’s like being attached to someone via a choke-chain. Every time you take a step along the pathway to freedom and independence, the handler jerks on the collar and you’re painfully reminded that their approval is totally dependent on your compliance. This is not love. This is not friendship. This is how we abandon our self-respect, our self-esteem and our personal empowerment. Yet, when we’re driven by this deep-seated craving for approval, we’re strangely willing to compromise on our beliefs, our standards, our values and our behaviour.

Acceptance looks like a passive state but, in reality, it brings something entirely new into this world. That peace, a subtle energy vibration, is consciousness.

-??????Eckhart Tolle

The fact is that no one can give you the kind of approval you’re seeking. It’s like trying to fill the well with a tea cup. No amount of approval will ever suffice and you only make yourself vulnerable to unscrupulous individuals who will exploit your needs in order to control you. And this craving for approval is very much like any other addiction. It can never be satisfied.

No. This is clearly an intolerable situation and a behaviour that deserves our fullest attention. In fact, there’s only one source of approval that can address your needs whilst empowering your life and setting you free from a lifetime of emotional slavery. Can you guess what it might be?

The answer’s incredibly simple.

We need to approve of ourselves.

Self-acceptance is the only way. It’s the only kind of approval that releases you from those false obligations to others. When you accept yourself, approve of yourself – in spite of all the faults, foibles and weaknesses that are part and parcel of the human condition – you don’t need anyone else’s approval to feel good about yourself. Yes, it’s fine to receive compliments and recognition from others. The difference is that you don’t need them to feel good about yourself. You’ve already filled your capacity for approval to the brim.

It’s a fabulous way to acquire a truly liberating sense of inner peace. You’re now free to say ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ - according to what you want - without feeling the need to please someone just to get a very expensive ounce of temporary, conditional approval. And when someone withdraws their affection or approval because you don’t comply with their wishes, you can instantly recognise that their behaviour is not connected to your welfare and wellbeing.

It’s a revolutionary way to clean up your relationships. It grants you a fabulous degree of independence. You don’t have to waste any more energy pretending to be someone you’re not. You don’t need to wear those false masks that you hoped would make you more likable, more worthy of other people’s approval. It’s a powerful step forward in your quest for personal empowerment and self-fulfillment. So, make today the day when you break free from your dependency on manipulators and false friends. Give yourself all the approval you need and notice how quickly your life changes for the better.

The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.?

- Brian Tracy

Greg Parry created The Wellness Foundation and the Cognitive Empowerment Programs specifically to help people master their stress, overcome their limitations and explore the power of their true potential.

If you enjoy these blogs, you can imagine how much fun it is to have Greg in the room as an inspirational and highly perceptive speaker. If you’d like to invite Greg to talk to your company or organisation or event, feel free to get in touch.

You can contact Greg at:

[email protected]