Breaking Free from the Past

If I asked you where you live, you’d probably think of your current address, right? It’s a perfectly logical response. But if you think about where you spend most of your time, I’d suggest that your real address is somewhere in the past. And that’s because we live most of our lives reliving episodes from our past. We think about the past. We rekindle familiar emotions from the past. The past becomes our unerring compass for the future. Perhaps you can see how this might lead to difficulties.

It might surprise you but we need to be absolutely clear: the past as we recall it doesn’t really exist. What we experience is our highly personal and highly-nuanced version of what happened and the result is filtered through the imperfect medium of our memory. We claim the past as our own but most of it is an invention, a distraction that supports our emotional view of the world. I know. Most of us raise our eyebrows at this point and object most forcefully to the suggestion that the past is an illusion. Yet, real or not, it exerts a profound influence on our understanding of ourselves and the world around us. The past casts its shadow over every aspect of our lives.

The real problem with living in this endless field of personal memories is that we’re more likely to dwell on the painful episodes rather than on the happier, uplifting moments that filled our hearts with joy. And, besides reinforcing patterns of unhappiness, pain or disappointment, we are highly likely to repeat the same behaviours that led to those earlier unpleasant outcomes. So, if you aspire to break free from the bonds of the past, to embrace the possibility of happier relationships and a more fulfilling life, it's time to turn your heart away from the past and open your mind to fresh, new possibilities. How? Here’s a very powerful suggestion.

Every time you find yourself experiencing unpleasant memories, pause and acknowledge exactly how you’re feeling. Then, add a simple disruptive phrase to the flow of emotional energy. Say ‘Up until now.’ This is a great code that signals a change in how you’re feeling. In the moments that follow, you create the perfect opportunity to add a positive uplifting phrase that describes how you intend to feel. ‘But now I feel happy, confident, courageous, ready to enjoy life to the full…’ You get the picture. It’s a moment of emotional exchange where you step away from the old, familiar patterns of behaviour and choose a completely fresh and empowering way to feel that will define how you intend to feel from now onwards. Try it and prepare to be amazed at how quickly you can banish the shadows of the past and step into a brighter, happier way of experiencing each day.

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