Breaking the Cycle: Why Past Struggles Shouldn’t Define the Present

"How can you expect flexibility at work? I didn’t have that luxury when I was raising my kids!” This mindset is more common than we’d like to admit, especially when discussing workplace policies for parents. While experience can often be a source of wisdom, clinging to outdated practices because “it was harder in my time” creates unnecessary barriers for progress.

This article explores why this philosophy is not only counterproductive but also harmful for modern workplaces—and how shifting our perspective can benefit everyone.

The “I Didn’t Have It, So You Shouldn’t Either” Philosophy

This mindset stems from a belief that struggle is a rite of passage, and if someone else “survived” it, others should too. In the context of parenting and work, it often manifests as resistance to policies like:

• Flexible schedules for parents.
• Paid parental leave.
• Breastfeeding accommodations (lactation rooms, extended breaks).

While it’s true that many people juggled parenting and career under less supportive circumstances, this doesn’t mean today’s parents should face the same challenges. Times have changed, and workplaces need to reflect that evolution.

Why This Philosophy Is Harmful

It Prevents Progress: Workplace policies that support parents, such as breastfeeding-friendly environments or flexible hours, don’t just benefit individuals—they create healthier, more inclusive workplaces. Resisting these changes for the sake of “tradition” stifles progress.

It Ignores Evolving Realities: The world today is different from decades ago. Dual-income households are more common, work hours are longer, and economic pressures are higher. Parenting while working in today’s environment is a different challenge, requiring different solutions.

It Overlooks Shared Benefits: Supporting parents at work isn’t just about making life easier for one group. It leads to increased employee satisfaction, retention, and productivity, which benefit the entire organization.

It Dismisses Hard-Earned Lessons: Those who struggled without support often have a unique perspective to share. Instead of rejecting new policies, they can use their experience to advocate for meaningful change and help others avoid unnecessary hardships.

A More Constructive Approach: “It Was Hard for Me, So Let’s Make It Easier for You”

Rather than clinging to past struggles as a benchmark for everyone, we can use them as a catalyst for improvement. Here’s how:

• Empathy and Mentorship: Recognize the value of your experiences and offer guidance to younger generations of working parents.
• Advocacy: Use your voice to champion workplace policies that support parents, knowing that these changes pave the way for healthier, more balanced workplaces.
• Flexibility and Understanding: Acknowledge that everyone’s challenges are different and that creating solutions doesn’t devalue past struggles—it honors them by building a better future.

Why It’s Time to Let Go of This Mentality? - Conclusion

The goal of progress isn’t to erase the difficulties of the past but to learn from them and create better systems for those who come after us. Parenting while working is hard enough; we shouldn’t hold each other back with outdated ideas of what “toughness” looks like.

By embracing a mindset of compassion, advocacy, and shared growth, we can foster workplaces where everyone, including parents, can thrive.

Have you ever encountered this mindset in your workplace or community? How did it affect you? I’d love to hear your thoughts on how we can work together to build more supportive environments for working parents.