Breaking the Cycle: When Reflection Isn’t Enough

Hello!

Welcome to a new week, I hope you're feeling good!

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I have had some huge changes taking place in my life over the last few weeks which I will likely fill you in on soon, and although some of them have been planned, others have been a reaction to situations that needed changing.

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Like most people, I'm guilty of falling into routines, being on autopilot and taking too long to notice when things no longer serve me.

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The issue with this is that I take no action until it's too late.

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Over the last few weeks I've landed in that ‘fed up’ zone where I'm finally inspired to take some action, which has resulted in some big changes for me.

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Recently I've felt super let down by a handful of people in my life, and it's all come to a head because I haven't said or done anything about it before that fed up moment, I've just let everything build up and now it's a bigger and harder to solve problem, which it didn't necessarily need to be.

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One of the things I've found trickiest navigating this, which feeds into why I've put things off, is ownership.

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I always do my absolute best to take ownership over my actions, my behaviour, and any part I have played in a situation.

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Now don't get me wrong, this is a great trait to have, but not when you don't allow, expect, or encourage others to take ownership in a similar way.

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Here's a look into how many situations pan out for me:

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-Situation A happens, I take ownership over my part and try to move forward.

-Situation B happens, I take ownership over my part and try to move forward.

-Situation C happens, I take ownership over my part and try to move forward.

-Situation D happens, I get fed up of being the only one taking ownership, become frustrated, disappointed, annoyed, and then feel I have to take drastic action.

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Now don't get me wrong, I still believe I should be taking the ownership I do, but I should also be encouraging others to do the same.

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The big question is how to do that with tact, and I believe the answer is about being bold and transparent, which is what I've noticed I've not done very well recently.

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I know that going forward I need to be much more bold about how I'm feeling, calling out things that are happening, and being transparent enough that I can share how I'm feeling and how I'm seeing the situation.

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This creates opportunity for earlier and safer communication which is likely to be much more productive than the communication that happens when you have left it too late and you're feeling all emotionally charged.

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When I think about how I've ended up in some of these situations, I've realised it's usually because I hope/expect that others have the same levels of self awareness as me, which generally isn't the case.

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This isn't me bragging, but I have spent years working on my self awareness, especially through my time training as a coach, and it's actually a really hard muscle to flex without investing a lot of time and energy into growing it, and to expect others to have done the same is somewhat unfair.

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One of the big realisations from this has been that sometimes it's more important to say something than to just reflect on it.

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I've always seen the benefits of being self aware and reflective, but I'm also now seeing the not so great side of it where it is prioritised over action and creates bigger issues down the line.

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Going forward I will be working out how to walk the line between reflection and action, ensuring that things are still thought about, but also acted on at the right time.

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This email has been super cathartic to write and has been really helpful in helping me deconstruct my thoughts, and I hope it's helpful to you too.

Quote for the week

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“The biggest gap in your life is that between what you know and what you do.”

- Bob Proctor

Recommendation

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Man's Search For Meaning

By Viktor E. Frankl

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'A prominent Viennese psychiatrist before the war, Viktor Frankl was uniquely able to observe the way that both he and others in Auschwitz coped (or didn't) with the experience. He noticed that it was the men who comforted others and who gave away their last piece of bread who survived the longest - and who offered proof that everything can be taken away from us except the ability to choose our attitude in any given set of circumstances. The sort of person the concentration camp prisoner became was the result of an inner decision and not of camp influences alone. Frankl came to believe man's deepest desire is to search for meaning and purpose. This outstanding work offers us all a way to transcend suffering and find significance in the art of living.'

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I was reminded of this book by a connection of mine last week, and although I will have definitely recommended this previously, it deserves some more time in the spotlight.

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As you can see from the bio above, this book is rooted in some pretty dark times, however it bring some incredible lessons to the surface around how we will always have the ability to choose our attitude, and what that means.

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And as I've mentioned before, I find any old historical stories super grounding, and this one really its home as you get insight into what life looked like for the prisoners of Auschwitz.

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This isn't necessarily the most uplifting book, but it is 100% a necessary read.

Life Hack

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Set a single goal for each day

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For most people the day starts by getting up and throwing ourselves into our to do list.

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Now of course we will have lots of boxes to tick each day, however I like to start my day by highlighting one single goal for the day.

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This isn't to say that's the only thing I'll get done in the day, but it does give me a chance to be successful by knowing I achieved the most important thing that day.

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It means that even if the day wasn't as productive as I would have liked, I can still say that at least I got done the big thing I set out to do.

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This is also helpful as it will likely force you to prioritise that task, giving it the time and energy it deserves.

How can I help you?

If you want to hear more about what I do and how you can work with me, send me a DM or email me at?[email protected]

I hope you have a fantastic week, and I'll be back in your inbox next week!

Haydan