Breaking the Cycle: Examining Women's Uncivil Behavior in the Workplace

Women's competitiveness is an age-old issue that has been around as long as women have worked together. Women are often competitive with each other in the workplace, and this can lead to uncivil behavior. I have witnessed firsthand how competitive and uncivil some women can be toward other women. Whether based on tenure, appearance, experience, age, or a threat of losing a role, it all comes down to insecurity or fear of being "overthrown."

Appearance is one of the most common reasons for women to be competitive with each other. Women often compare themselves to each other based on looks, which can lead to a feeling of insecurity. Women may feel threatened by another woman if they feel she is more attractive than them or if she has better clothes, dresses in what they perceive as "sexy," wears makeup, or even because of their hairstyle. This feeling can lead to women being unkind or rude to each other to outshine their peers.

Experience can also be a source of competition between women. Women may feel threatened if another woman has more experience than them or is better at something. Again, leading to the possibility of women being unkind or dismissive of each other or sabotaging each other to feel superior.

Age is another factor that can lead to competition between women. Younger women may feel threatened by older women with more experience or knowledge, and older women may feel threatened by younger women with more energy or ambition. In either case, this can lead to women being unkind or dismissive of each other to feel superior.

Finally, competition between women can also arise when there is a threat of losing a role. Women get pitted against each other for the same position or promotion. There is a feeling of competition and a need to prove oneself better than the other. I have experienced this firsthand when applying for a job or seeking a promotion. I have seen not only the subtle or blatant ways in which women try to undermine each other to stand out but have also been the target, even as recently as the past few months. Women may feel threatened if another woman is more qualified or better suited for a part or provides new ideas or processes, which can lead to them being unkind or dismissive of each other to secure the position.

As a woman of color, I have experienced microaggressions from white women in the workplace. Every day, I face subtle slights and downs that make me feel devalued and overlooked. For example, on more than one occasion, I was interrupted mid-sentence by a white female colleague. They seem to dismiss my ideas as if they are not worth hearing. They seem to think that my opinion is not as valid as theirs or that my 20-plus years of sales and marketing experience is not up to par with their expertise. They tout how they have the ear of leadership on a much more regular basis.

It can be incredibly frustrating and hurtful, implying that my voice is not as important as theirs. Furthermore, I've been excluded from conversations and activities that my white female colleagues were part of. It is as if they do not think I belong in specific roles or circles and that I am not worthy of the same respect or attention they receive. It is incredibly disheartening, as it can make me feel like an outsider in a workplace where I am trying to be an active member. These microaggressions can be pretty damaging.

Unfortunately, women's competitiveness and uncivil behavior can lead to a culture of exclusion, hostility, and mistrust. These are all things that I try to avoid but continuously find myself up against with other women. Being kind and supportive to other women can create an environment where everyone feels valued and respected. Women must be aware of their behavior and work to foster a culture of respect and camaraderie.

The truth is women are often their own worst enemies. We can't ask to be treated fairly by other genders if we continuously try to break each other down. We must remember that we're in this together; our strength lies in our ability to support each other. We must focus on our shared goals and not allow ourselves to be drawn into petty competition or uncivil behavior.

Women can talk to each other in a respectful and meaningful way. We should strive to create environments where everyone feels safe and free to express themselves without judgment or fear, allowing us to understand the power dynamics between us and to be aware of how our words and actions can affect others. We should be mindful not to let our fear, unconscious bias, or prejudice dictate how we interact with one another. We should take responsibility for our behavior and be willing to reach out to those we may have inadvertently harmed. By engaging in honest and open dialogue, we can create a more understanding and supportive environment for all women.

As a woman, I am responsible for reaching out to other women and ensuring that our conversations are respectful, meaningful, and uplifting. I know that I have been guilty of having biases and prejudices, and I want to ensure that I am not holding anyone back or causing any harm. When I have found that I was wrong in a conversation or how I behaved towards anyone, especially another woman, I have been sure to address and correct the situation. I encourage all women to take the initiative to start conversations with other women, no matter their differences, and to be open to listening to different perspectives.

With this in mind, I'll be traveling to various states—beginning in Washington, D.C.—over the next few months to host small dinner events. The focus will be on how women "behaving badly" should not be focused on incivility but on breaking the cycle of diversity issues, biases, microaggressions, etc., we face as women.

Let's create a community of empowered and confident women who support each other and feel they belong!