Breaking the Cycle of Comparison: How to Stop Feeling Like a Fake in a World Full of Experts

Okay, can I be real with you?

It wasn't too long ago that I found myself sitting in a breakout session surrounded by directors and senior managers from some of the world's most respected companies.

Instead of feeling appreciative, I felt out of place.

These were individuals who had spent decades in highly specialized fields—engineers, program managers, and experts who lived and breathed this world.

As they spoke, I felt the weight of every new term and process I was unfamiliar with. Hearing their thought processes and commitment to the craft, I wondered how I could add any value to that room.

And this wasn’t my first rodeo. I’ve spoken on stages of 10s/100s/1,000s, led high-stakes operations, and advised leaders at the highest levels. But at that moment, I felt like an outsider trying to keep up—like an imposter who had somehow slipped through the cracks and would soon be found out.

This, my friend, is what we call the Cycle of Comparison, one of the four Weapons of Mass Deception I talk about in my book, Weapons of Mass Deception: The Silent Struggle Within Every High Performer. It’s the mental loop that tells you:

• You don’t belong here.
• You’re behind, and you're never going to catch up.
• You aren't enough.

The Cycle of Comparison: A Cycle Meant to Keep You Small

Comparison alone isn’t the issue—it’s natural to notice differences between yourself and others. But the Cycle of Comparison is something more destructive.

It’s not about measuring ourselves against someone else; it’s about how we respond when we feel inadequate to feel better about ourselves.

Society has taught us that when we feel inadequate, just tear that person down, and you'll feel better. Instead of seeing another person’s success as something to learn from, it intimidates us, and we look for ways to diminish their hard work.

• "He's killing it in business." He's probably never around for his family.
• "She's in incredible shape." She's probably superficial and doesn't have any fun.
• "Everyone likes him." He's just lucky.

And just like that, we make ourselves feel a little better—not by improving, but by finding faults in others.

The problem? This cycle never ends. And that's exactly what this weapon doesn't want you to realize. See, the Cycle of Comparison is aimed at the heart of our highest performers because it knows that you are giving everything you've got, but you'll never get or have it all. It will constantly bring you back to a state of jealousy, greed, and unfulfillment.

Eventually, you’ll see someone else who makes you feel insecure in another area, and you’ll do the same thing again—picking apart their life and rationalizing their success.

The Cycle of Comparison doesn’t just keep you stuck—it keeps you small.

It stops you from celebrating others, learning from them, and growing into the best version of yourself.

How I Broke Free of the Cycle: Seek to Understand

That day, on my drive home, I took a step back and asked God,?"What’s going on? Why do I feel this way? What do I need to know? Why don't I feel like I'm enough?"

And I felt a clear response in my heart:

Seek to understand.

Instead of comparing myself and feeling inadequate, I needed to understand how these experts got to where they were.

The people in that room had spent years—sometimes their entire careers—inside that ecosystem. They had been immersed in the language, processes, and protocols for decades.

Meanwhile, I had been elsewhere—moving from home to home as an Army officer constantly given new orders in the guard (from Virginia --> Alabama --> Colorado, and eventually Pittsburgh), leading teams in aviation, managing complex operations as a Program Manager, consulting, and speaking.

Most importantly, I was learning how to win back my wife and restore the heart of my home.

I was learning how to become a Father and how to process my depression. I was finding new tools and building new mindsets that would change the way I would see the world forever. Hoping that one day, I could be proud of who I was. I had some setbacks and some struggles, but I believe God used what the enemy intended for harm and accelerated my life in ways that I never could have on my own. Understanding this about myself, I realized that this unique life experience gave me the ability to connect with and serve this group of people in ways that I wouldn't have been able to in the past.

Recognizing Your Role

The moment I let go of comparison, I was able to appreciate the value of the experts in the room—and my value as well.

I wasn’t there to compete with their expertise or to feel like a fake. I was there to:

• Ensure strategic alignment.
• Create collaboration and connection.
• Inspire and encourage.
• Listen to concerns and help solve problems.

That shift in perspective changed everything. I went from feeling inadequate to feeling thankful—not just for my role but for the brilliant minds around me. I thought, thank God we have such smart people who are working to find solutions to the world's most significant challenges. I could appreciate their expertise without diminishing my own.

The Cycle of Comparison hates it when you figure this out. Its goal is to destroy your relationships, to distance you from community, and to dissuade you from stepping into your full purpose. Don't let it.

The Power of Exposure

Here’s what I realized: Expertise isn’t just about raw intelligence. It’s also about exposure.

When you’re immersed in something for years—seeing the same patterns, processes, and challenges over and over—you develop a deep level of mastery. That’s the compound effect of experience, which Darren Hardy discusses in his book, the Compound Effect.

So, if you’re stepping into a new environment where others have been operating for decades, give yourself grace. You’re learning a new language, a new set of norms. Instead of comparing yourself, focus on seeking to understand:

• How did they develop their expertise?
• What patterns do they see that you don’t yet?
• What can you learn from their journey?
• How can you partner with them and leverage their lens? (the way they see the world)

And then, remind yourself: You bring something powerful to the table, too. Bonus points if you can specifically identify what that "something powerful" is.

The Truth: We’re Not Meant to Be the Same

The Cycle of Comparison thrives on the lie that success is a zero-sum game—that for you to win, someone else must lose.

But the truth is, we’re different for a reason.

When we embrace our differences, we create stronger teams, better collaborations, and more impactful work.

Instead of tearing down, we build up. Instead of competing, we complete.

And that’s where true confidence comes from—not from being “the best” at everything, but from knowing your unique strengths, expressing them fully, and appreciating the strengths of others.

Own Your Space

The Cycle of Comparison is a self-sustaining trap. It convinces you that you’re not enough when, in reality, you’re exactly who you were made to be.

So next time you find yourself in a room full of experts, remember:

• Seek to understand.
• Remember who you've always been.
• Embrace growth.

We are bigger together. We are brighter together. We are better together.

Continue Mission

-Adam-