Breaking Bad Habits And Addictions

First of all, this newsletter isn't here to fix you because you are not broken.

Removing bad habits is a speciality of mine after defeating the demons myself, the important point to remember is that although it may seem huge to you right now the secret to success here is to see it for what it is and that’s a pattern of small decisions.

There’s no magic trick I can certainly tell you now that it's been years since I drank and smoked after having a 10 year addiction. I want you to understand that it takes time. It takes creating a certain strategy for yourself. So here's a few tips for you.

First off, you need to find a replacement.

Not sure what replacement? Here's a few questions to ask yourself.

What do you want to do?

Why do you want to do that?

Have a think about the person you want to be.

Not what you believe you are capable of but what you want to be

Remember if you can think of something then you can have it.

How else would it be in your imagination?

But.. There is ACTION that needs to be taken first.

You can't just expect to remove something that currently has a hold over your life without finding something to replace it with.

Now it doesn't need to be so extreme to the point where it scares you.

But what it does need to do is it needs to move you in the opposite direction.

For example, a lot of people take up exercise and the gym when they are quitting drinking. The reason being is because it's quite the polar opposite, isn't it?

When you're drinking, you tend to eat poorly, sleep poorly and make poor decisions.

When you're not, you tend to focus on eating well, and you sleep better but this doesn't just happen.

You see, like anything, habits are formed after a 30 day period. 21 days is when you start seeing and feeling changes. 30 days is when it starts feeling normal to do

What do you mean 'normal'?

Well, how often has someone told you that if you tried ''this'' or tried ''that'' it would help, however when you tried it you didn't like how it felt.

This is because we are creatures of habit, when you do something that isn't ''YOU'' it feels strange but that doesn't mean it's wrong. You have to repeat it a few times over 21-30 days and you will start to see what a difference it can make.

60 to 90 days is the stage where it feels strange not to do it. And then if you get to six months, you're winning. But that doesn't mean that you won't relapse. It doesn't mean there won't be temptations to go back ( this is called a Paradigm )

What is a Paradigm?

A paradigm is a collection of habits and you can move away from these habits for a while, then after so long for some unknown reason if you're not careful you will find yourself moving back to where you started ( it's often called self sabotage )

How to overcome this!

We MUST build a strong Framework/Foundation for these moments.

Even after almost a year of me quitting I went back to it. My framework wasn’t strong enough to handle the situation I found myself in. I

The reason behind why you start thinking about your habit in certain areas or around certain people is based on the neuro-association you have with that environment or what we call? Submodalities

Neuro association or submodalities are trigger points for how you connect certain feelings or certain images in certain places to how you think and feel.

For example, you may not think about a beer/ cigarettes etc all day when you're out with your kids or when you're at work or busy. But then as soon as you see your house or as soon as you walk past the pub/shop/place? you feel a certain feeling.

You can't then get rid of the idea and you may even try to fight the urge, ( do not resist! ) what happens when you resist or try to avoid something it grows stronger, what we need to do in this instance is build our self awareness and accept the feeling and allow it to pass ( it will pass trust me )

Things you may say to yourself.

“oh it's just me. It's just who I am. It's just the way I've become” - that's okay that you may think like that but remember we weren't born with these habits.

It became “you” after the habit was formed through repetition and neuro association. Just remember habits can be broken.

They need to be replaced though. So I can suggest this:-

Junk Food Tips?

So the first one is for junk food, how to remove it. First of all, don't buy the stuff if you can help it. If you're living alone, or you're the person who does the shopping, don't buy it. If it's not in the house. You're already 50% less likely to eat it. And I say 50% because there is the temptation to get up, go to the shop and buy it.

But the Odds are 80-90% if it's in the house?

Secondly, track what you're eating.

Build a visual!

There's a lot of free apps out there. My Fitness Pal is one of them that can tell you what you're eating and that is very accurate.

So when you track you can then say okay, Tuesday I ate this and then on Tuesday night Wednesday I felt like this.

So, over time you can start seeing the patterns and that's what it is.

Patterns!

You don't have to eat poorly , the more you actually eat that’s bad for you the more you want to eat because your body craves the sugar your body craves the bad carbs.

I only eat half the amount that I used to eat now and I feel and look great

Another thing that needs to change with junk food or poor eating is remove the delivery apps from your phone and don’t go shopping when you're hungry.

That's one good tip: DO the shopping after you've eaten . If you are hungry when you go shopping, you're more likely to pick up the easy quick fixes?

Meal prep.

Every Sunday and every Wednesday I'll cook a load of food that takes about an hour and I'll prep it,

buy containers you can get them from the pound shop you can get the nice ones from big stores but if you're low on money, you can get pound shop you can make three or four containers worth of food and your dinner that day in 1 hour depending on what you’re eating. Set an alarm for the food and get on with what you’re doing.

Another thing is although if you want to eat a healthy breakfast Great!

But breakfast isn't necessary though?

I won't eat that till around 12 o'clock depending, everybody is? different.

But if you can get into a position in life where you're eating between say 12 and eight/ nine o'clock you are going to lose some weight too .

If you're eating right, you're going to put good weight on and get stronger but more important that you're going to keep inflammation down specifically neuro inflammation and this will improve your all round brain health. It will improve your decision making. It will allow you to sleep better to have better focus and more drive to make better decisions.

Alcohol Tips

Moving on to alcohol.

Okay, this is one of the most difficult reasons because it's legal. It's everywhere. It's cheap. And it seems strange at first to be social, or even when you are on your own at home.

So how'd you do it? Well first of all, find what you can replace it with. ( coffee , water , pop, alcohol free drinks )

So it's going to be a challenge at first or at least it can be without the right strategy.

As I've mentioned before, I used to reward myself for going to the gym by having a pint or a few beers on the way home then the next day I'd go to the gym and I'd do it again. And after a while I started enjoying the gym, enjoying exercising more than I did drinking.?

So that's one good way of replacing it. It's not about jumping from one to the other. It's about moving out of one and slowly gradually into the other?

What that thing you move to slowly depends on what you want for yourself.

Are you creative? Do you want to be in shape??

What do YOU want? Not what others think of you, not what you believe you are right now.

What do YOU want?

Tip 2

Again, remove it from your house. The further you are away from it, the less likely you are to have it.

The reason being is because this is what's necessary at the beginning.

The process!

?You see I had to distance myself from it as much as I could at first.

So I stayed away from people, away from shops and if I went out it was to go to the gym. It was to walk and I'd walk away from shops.?

I went to bed early ( I don’t know many people who drink in there sleep )

When you go to bed earlier you wake up earlier and when you do this you start to live a completely different life.

Prepare “Failing to prepare is preparing to fail”

90% of the time You know ahead of time when you will be drinking?

( when your alone, when sports are on, at a certain time of day - you get the point )

When you plan for these times and give yourself something to do, it gives you less time to think about your habit.?

I realised that I started twitching around 7pm so I took some extra shifts at work ( more money and less time to drink )

I planned to do things with people the next day

?( I didn’t want to do those things hungover so it gave me incentives )

I stopped doing things that I associated drink with?

( Xbox, Match of the day )

“ oh but I enjoy these things” it’s not about those things it’s about the connection you have with them at the moment, I’m not saying give them up I am saying stop digging the hole for yourself!!

If you are meeting friends and there’s a chance you will be drinking then eat a meal before you go. We tend not to want to drink as much when our stomachs are full. Plan Ahead! Give yourself the advantage in every situation.

If you don’t make the rules someone else will!

Over time your mind gets stronger. You start attaching yourself to better emotions, loving yourself more.

When you are addicted to something you are emotionally detached from the finer things in life?

This is why a lot of recovery addicts suddenly get the urge to have children or get married or start relationships because you recover emotions and get an emotional attachment to what it is you really want for yourself.?

After a while you then become a little bit disgusted by the habit and that's normal because you start seeing all the things that you didn't see before, all the things that you thought you needed alcohol for like confidence, like to have a good time. Like to have friends and be social. No.

I go out with friends quite a lot. I have coffees with them when they have pints and that's fine by me. You know, I still buy rounds for them. I still buy the drinks. I don't mind that.

Because I used to go out and I'd easily spend 50 to 100-200 pound a night on just drinking.

Now I can go out and I could go out for a fiver really to be fair I just need to buy one or two coffees. And, you know that's been done. If I'm paying for more it's because I'm buying rounds but think about what you could do with that money as well for your future. You can be financially free!

One way to overcome alcohol is to understand that if you are a heavy drinker, then there will be a withdrawal process.?

The first week and the first two weeks are fine. You're okay, top of the world. Yeah, I'm doing really well. Three four weeks in your body starts asking for it back. It's like your body is saying ….I'm not used to this. I don't like this, let me go back to what’s comfortable.

It may start making you angry. It starts giving you withdrawals and that's normal.

This is where you need to really connect with your body? because if you allow it to get control back over you again it will and you'll keep going around in circles.

?I recommend things like?

• announcing it on social media that you're quitting. Because you'll notice after a week you say ‘’ I'm now a week free I'm now a month free two months free’’. You'll notice people start liking and commenting and encouraging you and you might find you enjoy that feeling more than you do a few beers, then they hold you accountable as well, you need an extra push for when the times get harder that way not only are you not letting yourself down if you give in you are? letting others down as well.

Understanding and re-re searching the dopaminergic system and dopamine.

This is the biggest factor behind drinking and addictions. Dopamine, if you understand dopamine, you start to understand yourself and you start seeing patterns. More on that later…..

Quitting Drugs Tips

Drugs. Unlike alcohol, alcohol is easily accessible, it's legal and it's cheaper, but drugs are more lethal however they can go hand in hand.

So, again, it's like any addiction. Understand the neuro associations you have with it because you don't wake up wanting cocaine. If you say you do, then I'd love to hear more. I want you to message me how you wake up and straightaway you want drugs. I want to understand where your mind goes and I think you will be surprised by what I say.

We want to get to the deeper cause of that, deeper root &? deeper understanding.

But with drugs, it's usually a collection of feelings. First of all, where you associate(connect) or who you associate drugs with.? As soon as the clock hits a certain time.?

That friend calls or shows up.

As soon as they pop in your head suddenly the image pops into your mind of the last time you was getting on it with them and all you can think of is the good times ( well you create them actually )?

You see it’s very easy to forget the pain you felt last time and yet not so long after you want to do it again.

As you think about it more it gets stronger and stronger. Imagine that feeling to be like a muscle at the gym. It's getting stronger and stronger. The more you think about it, the more weight you put on it, it's getting stronger.

So why is it when you’re doing it you can’t explain to someone why you want it, other than a surface level answer like “ I focus better, I don’t get as drunk, it takes me somewhere else, it relaxes me, i escape reality”? or maybe you even crack a joke.?

Again it’s related to dopamine ( the problem is it skyrockets your dopamine at the same time damages the dopamine receptors and then drops you massively so you’re constantly chasing the feeling aka the dragon )?

Causing an endless cycle and a low bank account.

We produce dopamine daily, a great amount when we are moving towards things we enjoy and want for ourselves. The problem a lot of people have is that instant gratification feeling, one thing brings you excitement so you must find more and more and more and keep piling it on yourself and forgetting to enjoy the present moment.

Then CRASH. Suddenly now you're low. Like a really bad sugar crash.

This is not random!?

How to overcome it?!

So again, distance yourself from those people if you can. However maybe they are close friends and family so you don’t want to, well here’s the trick.

Make other plans! Do something else! Be with those people but do something else.

How did you become friends? What do you both like doing? Drugs are expensive. You could have dinner together, a movie, bowling, gym, crazy golf, hiking whatever it is FILL THE GAP!

If you can’t, I'd like to hear more and I can guide you on that as well.

On your own

If you think like you do with beer when you get home, that when you're on your own. You're struggling with your thoughts because at this moment in time you're thinking negatively. There’s a solution!

A lot of the reasons behind addictions are because you're not in control of your thoughts and you're too scared to be alone with your thoughts.

Well, I'm here to tell you your thoughts are fascinating. Your thoughts will tell you exactly where you need to go in life, who you need to be and what direction you need to take. If they are negative it’s because you’re going against the person your subconscious knows you can BE.

The reason why you don't like your thoughts right now is because you're misleading them. You're telling them that at this moment in time this way makes you happy and this is the wrong way

You're convincing yourself.

I will be happy when I'm high, I will be happy when I'm drunk. And your mind will find a way to agree with you.?

So it does,

?it says yeah and then it comes up with all these different things. “Oh, I can see so and so tomorrow. Oh, I can just have a few hours sleep. Oh, I can do this. I can do that. Oh that bill I was going to pay I can delay that for a month. Oh this thing I was going to do I can wait for a week. It'll be fine. Your mind will of course agree with you. It's your mind but you're misguiding it. So it will judge you and make you feel bad later.

This is serotonin!

you end up beating yourself up because you're lying to yourself. You can lie to your parents, your friends, your partners, your kids, and maybe get away with it, even your boss, but you can't lie to yourself. And that's to do with the serotonergic system. Serotonin is your inner judge.

It will not let you get away with anything. And this is what the feeling of beating yourself up the day after you've let yourself down is.

Again, understanding this will certainly help you and I can help you with that…. More on that later?

Recap?

Cocaine damages your dopamine receptors. The reason why you feel so great when you first have a line is because it enhances your dopamine past the point that it's supposed to.

But at the same time it damages it, which is why you will not feel as high as you do on the after the first line. Same with the first pint . The first sips are always the best. The first line is always the best. Because after that you're just chasing something that you can't get back again. Then end up in emotionless zombified states.

To remove the feeling of cocaine is to understand dopamine and you can have this on a consistent level daily.

See, imagine yourself at the level of 50% dopamine?

Cocaine will shoot you up almost instantly, to 100%. That's why you enjoy the high but then it will bring you down to 60 or 70. And then you'll be struggling and you'll be in a battle trying to get above 60 and 70. Again, when actually you'll be pushing yourself down to probably to 30 and then back up to 40. And then you may have another hit up to 60 or 70 but then back down again.

So the overall progress is you're in the negative so you're losing dopamine, which is why you feel bad then you're losing money and then all together yourself.

So the way to get dopamine and you can have this consistently at 70 to 80% every single day without any drugs without any drink. I know this because I've been experiencing this for over a year now is by optimising your dopaminergic system.

Now, that sounds like fancy words and it is to a degree but it’s science and we can’t argue with that. It’s part of everyone?

But in simple terms ultimately, it's watching things like what you're eating

What you're putting in your body on a daily basis, that's consistent, the amount of sleep that you're having. This will all equate to how you feel about yourself. If you're not sleeping well, eating well. You're going to look for how to feel good in other ways. But only by eating well and sleeping well and regular exercise.can you can have these feelings.

Dopamine can be guided towards learning new skills, taking action towards your goals and your dreams and your vision. You can get dopamine from looking in a baby's eyes and seeing how innocent they are. You can get dopamine from seeing the happiness of a dog when you go to take it for a walk from giving a gift to your partner and seeing that it was what they love. By calling up your parents and telling them you love them.

You see, it's not just a simple quick fix getting dopamine but it's a continuation of pure happiness and movement towards a better future.

That's what dopamine is. That's why you enjoy the coke and the other drugs because it gives you a feeling that is already inside of you. It just really enhances it in a quicker way and in the WRONG way because it’s false and then after this, it puts you in a debt.

It puts you in debt of willpower or energy, of happiness. it saps it out of you and of course if you don't have balance, you will burn out.?

If you look to get really really high for two, three hours. You will guarentee to be? really really low for two or three hours if not more, because then you put yourself in a debt and debts need to be paid?

Smoking Tips

Smoking again is a different kind of addiction of course but addictions are all the same. It's based on the neuro Association. You have to do certain things. One tip that I had when I first stopped and you can use this with alcohol as well, is to have one can of beer or one bottle or one fag somewhere in the house.

This allows your mind to know that it's there, it's accessible when you want it. But you know, obviously you can't get drunk or smoke a whole deck of fags when you've only got one there.

And again it's not the idea that is there for you to have , it's there because your brain is going to crave something. That feeling of not being able to have something makes you want it more, so knowing it's there whenever you need it. You can put it in the kitchen or in the back of a cupboard somewhere. Somewhere you know where it is but it's not staring at you in the face.?

This will take away about 30% of the withdrawal feeling.

leaving one can in the fridge or leaving one fag in the pack.

Some people take patches, some people take Nicorette, some people take these tablets. I didn't take any of those. I don't believe in them.

I believe they're placebo effects.

They do obviously give you some nicotine but the whole idea is removing it from your body.

The same with vaping. The whole idea is to move away from putting things in your mouth that aren’t good?

The feeling you want is already in you.

It helps with stress X wrong?

It adds to stress because now you believe you can’t be stress free without it so all the times you don’t have your vape or your fags, you are now stressed.?

Don’t rely on anything on the outside to control your inside?

The science behind it is already in you. Everything you need is already in you. So you can use these tips use this advice but ultimately, to move away from all four of those I've just mentioned rewards have to be in place.

If you have gone a day without a fag you need to do something that you enjoy doing. That is a reward. This connects the feeling of happiness and moves you away from what's making you miserable.?

You want to move away from your addiction and towards your soberness towards what makes you happy. Every time you do this, you reward yourself. If it's a walk, if it's a film, if it's a book, if it's a date night with your partner, if it's a night out with yourself, if it's eating one of your favourite meals, whatever it is, reward your behaviour.

The more you do this, the more not only do you start moving towards what it is you want to become.?

But you move away from what it is you don't

one more tip I learned this in NLP

You can use this with drinking, smoking and drugs as well. And even junk food you can use it with all of it because it is neuro linguistics.

Think of something you absolutely hate. When you put in your mouth, a taste, whatever it may be.

Some people don't like marzipan. Some people hate the taste of Sambuca, some people hate the taste of beetroot, onions.?

Or you can just imagine sandpaper or cardboard in your mouth. Every single time. Now this isn't a quick fix, But every single time you think about your addiction, the junk food, the smoking, the drinking the drugs.

Imagine that taste in your mouth (yuk). This will link the addiction to the taste. And over time your mind will be thinking about it more and more. “I really can't stand the taste of this”

?

A fact that has been proven in science over and over again.

This is why you can go from loving that pint to absolutely hating it.?

Remember when we were kids that first ever drink that we had when our parents or whoever would give us a little sip of something most of the time you would of said ‘’oh that's disgusting’’

Or the first drag of a fag. ‘’That's horrible’’.

This is because we had linked it to being bad for us.?

Think of that taste , that feeling over and over and over again and in time you will start seeing that you don't enjoy it.

That's all for now. Thanks.

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