Breakfast buffet of a different kind.

Seven useful reminders.

I never thought breakfast at the Taj, Fisherman’s Cove in Chennai would dish up such a smorgasbord - that had nothing to do with food.

It started as just another hotel buffet - I’ve averaged about 180 of them per year for the last 17 years of my professional life.

This one was different.

?I walked to my table, armed with cell phone and one of the Harvard Business Review ‘top 10’ paperbacks.

Sleep and reap

I’d had a good nights sleep, mainly because I did the things yesterday that led to good sleep. This meant my mind was fresh and I decided to read and learn. Had my night’s sleep been ?average, my brain would not have been as clear, and it would have been far easier and more appealing to scroll on my phone.

• Reminder one:

Get good sleep.

Do the the stuff that leads to this happening - and capitalize on the mental freshness it provides.

Theory, practice, simplicity and stories

I was reading up on some different theories and frameworks in seeking to advance my Corporate Athlete workshop series. Some of the best thinkers in the world almost always have a clear mental framework they use when answering questions and solving problems. What makes them even more effective, is when they can simplify those solutions, and illustrate them through engaging stories and practical examples.

• Reminder two:

Learn the theory, and then explain through storytelling.

A young family of three took a seat in front of me and ended up attracting most of my attention for the next half hour.

Awareness, phones and earth movers

For the first half of that time, the three/four-year-old son sat in the chair, awkwardly slumped, with rounded back and shoulders, head down with his chin on his chest, staring at his dad’s phone. The couple barely spoke during this time. It was like their son’s chair was a dark hole that sucked the energy from the family system.

The kid ignored his food. When his mum tried to take his fringe out of his eyes, he pushed her hand away, and he never once engaged with anything other than the phone. The parents ate, left the kid on the phone. Nobody spoke. This is nothing unusual in today’s modern family.

In his key learning years, he was being taught to rely on short, repeated, and cheap dopamine hits. Great training for ADD. His body was learning the new slumped over posture we might soon see humans evolving into. He was so disconnected from the world that he did not interact with his parents. He completely ignored the doughnuts sausages, chocolate, croissants, and milkshake that was placed in front of him.

I found myself feeling sad, and I won’t lie, also a little frustrated. I observed the temptation to be that irritating smart-ass who offers unsolicited parental advice. I even thought about how to do it in a way that would somehow disarm the natural ego response most people engage when presented with criticism, especially by a stranger. I resisted the temptation.

• Reminder three:

Awareness is key. I managed to avoid the temptation to interfere. To some degree this ?was about me and alleviating my own frustration and disappointment, whilst dumping my judgements on them. I’m glad that another part of me waved the flag of awareness and self-reflection.

I kept watching, deep in my own thoughts and judgements.

Relationships are medicine

Somehow the mom managed to distract him with a little blue plastic “man“ that was the driver of his colourful plastic toy, in the shape of an earthmoving crane.

The kid hopped off the chair, got under the table and started moving this machine around the legs of the table, through the legs of the chair as he pushed a few packets of sugar around the restaurant. Suddenly, he was moving and testing his body, learning dexterity and coordination. His brain was learning problem-solving skills, and he also started engaging with his parents as he explained what he was doing. His parents spontaneously started talking to each other for the first time.? I also noticed both smiling - the first display of anything but expressionless faces.

They now had the appearance of a connected three-person family system in which the energy and conversation flowed freely.

• Reminder four:

When one person disengages from a team or group, this can become a potential sinkhole of energy. The opposite also applies.

As a silent observer, I found myself going from sad and frustrated to light and happy.

• Reminder five:

Paying attention to events outside of me had a notable impact on my inner experience. I wonder how much doom, gloom, and bad news I consume, compared to how much time I actively seek good news and uplifting content. This balance will likely correlate to my moods and levels of optimism.

My intention to speak to the parents underwent a change from unsolicited ‘advice’, to ?offering unsolicited ‘feedback and positive encouragement’ – based on what I noticed seemed to really work in their dynamic. I convinced myself that there would be potential value in them receiving this observation. (Also realizing that it might still be unwelcome).

I thought I’d wait for the right moment, and not intervene in the current happy dynamic.

You just never know what going on in someone else’s life.

Moments later, the dad left to take the child to the toilet, and as he walked off, tears spontaneously streamed down the mom’s cheeks. She sat staring into space with tears flowing endlessly. Again, I found myself feeling sad.

• Reminder six:

As smart as we think we are, we never know what’s going on for other people. I was full of advice, and then encouragement, and then realized there was way more to the situation than what met the eye.

The dad arrived back and saw his wife in tears, which seemed not to be a surprise because there was no change in his energy. They left soon after.

A time to think and a time to act

As I left the restaurant, I reflected on my tendency to overthink things. I’m not alone in this affliction. It certainly is a strength of mine, which enabled me to observe and assess what I share here. But as with any strength, it’s a weakness when overplayed.

?The “right” time never seemed to arrive before the family left. I wish I had shared my observations with them.

• Reminder seven:

Embrace and play to my strengths of overthinking. Know when it’s time to put them aside and when to take bold action. Taking action is inside my control, how other people respond to my action is not.

Consolation

My deep desire (life purpose) is to add value to others in the hope of making their lives just that little bit better. Writing and sharing this makes up, in a small way, for me missing a trick and not sharing with that family.

I hope it sparks just one useful thing for you. Thanks for offering your valuable time to read.

Paddy