Break the People Pleaser Cycle and Heal Your Mother Wound: A Guide for Women Leaders
Leslie Keeler Saglio
TEDx & Keynote Speaker | Future-Ready in the AI Age: Empowering Women Leaders & Organizations Through Emotional Intelligence & Feminine Leadership | Master Coach, Consultant & Somatic Facilitator
Have you ever wondered why, despite your success, you still find it hard to say no or prioritize your needs? Many high-achieving women leaders struggle with people-pleasing behaviors, often rooted in unresolved childhood wounds, particularly the mother wound. This guide will help you understand these connections and show you how to break free from limiting patterns.
Understanding the Mother Wound
The concept of the mother wound refers to the emotional pain passed down through generations, often exacerbated by societal factors like patriarchy, poverty, and racism. This wound can manifest in various ways, including:
Understanding these issues helps us approach the mother wound with compassion, acknowledging that our mothers did the best they could with the resources and knowledge available to them. Healing the mother wound involves recognizing and addressing these patterns to move forward without resentment.
Personal Reflection as a Mother
As a mother myself, I recognize that there is no such thing as a perfect mother. Motherhood, in any form, is inherently challenging. Even with our best efforts and inner work, there are times when we may feel inadequate or worry that we’ve somehow failed our children. In these moments of doubt, what reassures me is the belief that:
We are spiritual beings having a human experience, and we come to understand life through contrasts. We would not appreciate one aspect of life without its opposite—fear without love, joy without pain.
In my journey as a young expat mom, I encountered profound challenges that made me acutely aware of the struggles and sacrifices of motherhood. Living away from my support network and adapting to a new culture while trying to balance the needs of my young children was daunting. The isolation and cultural differences compounded the difficulties, and I often felt overwhelmed and alone.
I deeply appreciate the strength and resilience of my female ancestors who fought for the opportunities and freedoms I have today. Their sacrifices have paved the way for me, and I am acutely aware that I stand on their shoulders.
Yet, amidst this appreciation, there is a part of me—a younger version of myself—that often felt her needs were unmet. This inner child, who longed for understanding and support, was overshadowed by the demands of daily life.
As an adult woman, it is now my responsibility not to minimize her or dismiss her needs. Instead, I must nurture and address her emotional needs, providing the care and attention she once lacked.
By honoring this aspect of myself and tending to her unmet needs, I can show up more fully for my own children. This self-compassion and personal healing allow me to be a more present and empathetic mother. As I work through my own struggles and past wounds, I create space for deeper connections and more meaningful interactions with my kids.
This journey of personal growth and healing has become the foundation of my work as a trauma-informed master coach. For a decade, I have dedicated myself to helping high-achieving women leaders heal their pasts and break free from generational patterns, such as the cycle of people-pleasing.
Connecting Your Experience
If my journey resonates with you, it may be a sign that you, too, are navigating your own set of challenges linked to the mother wound and people-pleasing tendencies. Just as I have learned to address and heal my own wounds, you have the power to break generational patterns and transform your own experiences. Recognizing and addressing these patterns can lead to profound changes in your life, enhancing your personal and professional relationships.
Recognizing People-Pleasing Patterns
People-pleasing involves prioritizing others' needs over your own, which can lead to repressed emotions and unconscious behaviors. Common signs include:
These behaviors can affect both your career and personal life.
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Impact on Career and Personal Life
In the workplace, people-pleasing can lead to:
In personal life, it often results in:
Real-Life Transformation
Consider Jessica, a tech leader at a Fortune 500 company, who transformed her life through my Feminine Power & Purpose Immersion program.
Initially believing she had a good childhood, Jessica discovered through deeper reflection that her mother’s emotional unavailability and criticism had left her feeling inadequate and desperate for approval.
Through trauma-informed coaching, Jessica recognized her childhood patterns and began to prioritize her needs. She implemented clear boundaries, allocated time for self-care, and communicated her limits effectively. The results were profound: improved mental health, enhanced job performance, and more fulfilling personal relationships. Her journey highlights the power of addressing people-pleasing tendencies and embracing one’s true self.
Steps to Overcome People-Pleasing and Heal Your Mother Wound
To break the people-pleasing cycle and heal your mother wound, follow these steps:
Embracing Your True Self
Overcoming people-pleasing requires embracing your true self and accepting that this may trigger discomfort in others. Prioritizing your needs and setting boundaries is crucial for personal growth and achieving a more authentic and fulfilling life. By doing so, you not only transform your own life but also set a positive example for future generations of women leaders.
I hope this serves you well.
Feel free to share with the women in your life—a rising tide lifts all boats!
Keep going. You got this.
With love and support,
Leslie Keeler Saglio