Break the Cycle

How much of your time do you want to spend making money if what you really crave is a sense of contentment, joy, and satisfaction??

You might think that the two are the same. After all, doesn’t it make sense that life satisfaction would rise as you acquire more money??

A quick look at GDP and country life satisfaction shows the disparity between wealth and happiness. In the United States, our GDP has increased three times what it was 50 years ago, yet life satisfaction remains the same.?

In his book, Flourish, author Martin Seligman points out that the problem is not in money itself, but in how we’re measuring it.?

“Cigarette sales and casino profits are included in the GDP. Some entire industries, such as law, psychotherapy, and drugs, prosper as misery increases. This is not to say that lawyers, psychotherapists, and drug companies are bad, but rather that GDP is blind when it comes to whether it is human suffering or human thriving that increases the volume of goods and services.” Flourish, by Martin Seligman

He continues to point out a 2004 study in which life satisfaction was studied for various groups. The results showed that Forbes magazine’s richest Americans were no happier than Pennsylvania Amish or the Inughuit (Inuit people in northern Greenland) (Diener and Seligman, 2004).?

And yet we continue in this insanity to achieve more, convinced, with no evidence supporting it, that just a little more will actually increase our satisfaction.?

The lie is rooted deep in what I call The Overachiever’s Trap. We think that life works this way:?

And, for a while, it does. The harder you work, the more you achieve, and every achievement delivers a sense of happiness/satisfaction. However, as most overachievers realize, there is a downside.

The feelings of happiness are fleeting. And, as time goes on you need bigger and bigger achievements to feel any satisfaction at all.

We begin to get wiser, and at some point, we realize our familiar pattern actually looks like this:?

Look familiar??

The good news is, there are some simple exercises you can do to increase your awareness of why this pattern keeps repeating itself. The even better news is they really work.?

However, changing any mindset requires lots of effort and even more time. This won’t happen overnight, or by simply doing the exercises below one time.?

Just get started. Your goal is not perfection, but to be the best version of yourself that you can be in this moment with the information you have at the time.?

Exercise 1: Focus on your own unique abilities

Identifying what makes you unique is a little bit like painting a picture. This process will highlight lots of different colors (concepts/ideas/themes/patterns) that at times work nicely together and seem to create a clear image. But don’t be alarmed if the colors clash and you feel the need to scrap the whole thing and start from scratch - it’s part of the process.

1. Download and print off the list of skills and get a high level sense of the types of abilities it includes.?
2. Cross out any ability that clearly represents an exact opposite of the skills you possess. These are items you hate doing or for which you have absolutely zero aptitude.?
3. Cross out those abilities that you’ve got, but that you don’t enjoy all that much and certainly doing want to be a part of your everyday life.?
4. Put a checkmark next to every phrase that you feel represents something that you enjoy. Limit it to no more than fifteen.?
5. Look at these fifteen entries and select the five you believe are best represented by the following four statements:?- I get excited when I even think about doing this.?- I could do this all day long five days a week.?- This comes naturally and easily for me.?- My past behavior has clearly demonstrated that I have this ability.?

Many overachievers neglect to identify their unique abilities because our society pushes these “Type A” individuals into careers that offer the greatest recognition and pay. It’s extremely difficult to get off this success “train” that most of us board in fifth or sixth grade.?

Exercise 2: Watch your Inputs?

Try this quick exercise:

1. Take out a pen/paper and spend the next 60 seconds listing everything in life you consider a blessing. Include whatever pops into your head. (Individual family members, homes, friends, careers, clothes, food, etc.)
2. Flip the page and document the things in your life that aren’t going well. (If you’re like me, the second list is a fraction the size of the first.)
3. Put a star next to the 3 items that frequently occupy your mind the most.

Did you put a star next to anything in the first (gratitude) list? Don’t beat yourself up, if the answer is “no”, you’re not alone. We tend to focus most of our energy on the things going wrong despite the fact that the good FAR outweighs the bad.

Think of your brain like a computer. It takes in information and uses this data to shape your opinions, behavior, and mood. Further, there's only two ways that something can get into your brain: your eyes and your ears.

Pay attention to what you’re listening to and watching. Is it mostly negative or positive (and, keep in mind that neutral is positive in today’s environment).?

Remember. Your goal is not perfection, or even to master these ideas the first time you do them. The goal is to be the best version of yourself that you can be in the next 24 hours.?

—CJ?