I Braved the Shave ... ￡760 Thank You

I’ve lost many friends and relatives to cancer, I’d taken part in fundraising to help research many times over the years, but this time was a little different.

I had been contemplating the Macmillan Brave the Shave for a long old time. I wore my hair long, but tied back to be ‘corporate’. The lockdown last year rather put my idea on hold, so I decided to try and get my hair in better condition so that I could donate it before undergoing the full clippers and blade treatment.

I’ve a very dear friend, her timeline breaks my heart every time I read it:

Feb 2014 - diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer

Nov 2015 - recurrence of Ovarian Cancer

Aug 2017 - recurrence #3 of Ovarian Cancer

Nov 2017 – diagnosed with Breast Cancer

11 April 2018 - Beat Breast Cancer

She wrote “It was the 15th and final Radiotherapy treatment today. Breast Cancer is gone but not forgotten and I’m ready for life to throw some good things our way until the Ovarian Cancer rears its’ ugly head again.... which it will because my disease is Palliative.

I’m grateful for small mercies ... One Cancer is better than two!”

Jan 2019 - recurrence #4 of Ovarian Cancer - Now in palliative phase with Metstatic Ovarian Cancer.

On her blog back in 2014 she wrote: “Please don’t delay seeking advice from your GP because it could save your life believe me. If you have a collection of any of the symptoms like I had of bloating, increasing fatigue, constipation, lower back pain, needing to wee frequently, a feeling of fullness when eating, uterine pain and irregular menstrual cycle don’t ignore them. The least you should expect is an Ultra Sound scan and a blood test to check your C125. Don’t settle for anything less ladies!”

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I contacted her and asked for her advice, as a Macmillan Nurse for over two decades and a long-time cancer patient herself I really respect her opinion. She always wore her hair in long beautifully plaited dreadlocks.

I present below a slightly edited copy of her response; I hope it goes some way to educate and inform anybody that reads it:

“Brave the Shave was not received well by those going through hair loss from cancer treatment. That’s because Macmillan are capitalising on an aspect of cancer that is especially distressing and traumatic for many cancer patients without acknowledging the psychological impact on those going through it. For cancer patients it’s another loss, another change and yet another emotion to add to the melting pot that essentially sees cancer take it all from a person. Macmillan seem to have ignored the psychological impact of their money-making campaign on those who’ve endured hair loss from treatment.

Those doing Brave the Shave would video it, and it invariably showed a lot of laughter, and fun, it showed someone who had a choice in what they were doing and it showed that there was no thought for what it is actually like to be without hair.

In treatment we lose every hair on our body including nose hair, eyebrows, eyelashes etc. Our faces do not resemble us when we look in the mirror and it’s so traumatic. It’s so much more than shaving hair off your head: if only it were that simple. As I said, Brave the Shave does not touch on any of that at all and most of the people doing it claim they’re doing it to feel what it’s like to have their hair shaved off like cancer patients have to.

So, the way to get around this is to do Brave the Shave in a more reverent or solemn manner.

• Talk about what our hair represents ie: health, youth, identity etc.
• Talk about the fact that you’re merely raising money for a good cause and that you can’t imagine what it’s like to have your hair loss through treatment.
• Mention the loss of eyebrows, eye lashes, beard hair men, changes a person’s whole appearance. There’s no choice in this for cancer patients as it’s a matter of life or death.
• You could talk about the psychological aspect for men who lose their hair through the aging process:

Men do suffer psychologically with hair loss which is why there is a multi-million-pound business in anti-hair loss products and treatments. However, male hair loss is very different to cancer treatment hair loss because it’s gradual.

With cancer treatment hair falls out in chunks and it is painful. The scalp feels bruised and so any pressure on the head for a while is yet another discomfort.

So, why not do Brave the Shave differently?

• Maybe light a candle at the beginning and explain what you’re doing.
• Then explain how your hair loss has no bearing on how much hair loss impacts a cancer patient undergoing chemotherapy.
• Then you could have a minute’s silence to contemplate what you’re doing and why; plus remember all those friends who lost their lives from cancer.

After that, Brave the Shave!

By doing your shave this way, you are honouring cancer patients everywhere by acknowledging how different it is for you today in how you’re losing your hair.

(She names her partner here) shaved his head in solidarity with me when my hair started to come away. My whole head was painful so he had to cut the dreadlocks off one by one then carefully shave the remaining hair. It was awful! Then he suddenly turned the clippers on himself … we ended up in tears but it was a very poignant and bonding moment.”

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Maybe you know somebody dealing with cancer ?

Cancer?is?a veritable attack on a person; cancer cells grow and divide, grow and divide, ad nauseam, forming tumours that wreak havoc on the immune system. The body is literally at war with itself.

The combat imagery we employ in conversation is fitting in that respect. When we tell a loved one they can “beat cancer,” we’re telling them not only that they’re strong, but that we’ll stand by them in the trenches. Unfortunately, sometimes that can lead to unintended mental health effects, especially if the patient has already made their peace with an advanced diagnosis.

It may well overtake you but you don't lose, it's not a win / lose fight with cancer; it IS a journey.

However the journey ends, your focus needs to be with the person: The winner should?always?be the patient. You can support them by saying something simple: “I’m so glad you told me. Whatever happens, and whatever decisions you make, I’m with you.”

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Thanks to all my generous sponsors I was able to put my name to ￡760 raised