“Is It Bravery, or Just How I Am?”

After sharing my previous post.-

(https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/paralyzed-potential-stewart-horner-lcxmc/?trackingId=Vu7mSf4SVh2Y83WHpJW8Dw%3D%3D)

-Many kind comments described my openness as 'brave'. And while I appreciate that sentiment, I feel the need to clarify, this doesn’t feel like bravery.

It’s not courage driving me to share who I am, it’s reaching a point in my life where I finally understand the language I need to speak. Maybe it’s defiance. Maybe it’s surrender. I’m not sure what it is, but I know it’s not bravery, because it doesn’t feel hard to just be me.

I have ADHD, which means I tend to share more openly than most. Is it “oversharing”? That’s a word I hear often, usually from neurotypical perspectives describing what feels normal for people like me. I don’t think I overshare. Maybe others undershare. Maybe what I’m doing, sharing my thoughts, experiences, and truth, isn’t about bravery at all. It’s just how I process the world.

Why Is Standing Out So Hard?

After a couple of tough years running my own design studio, with only a handful of projects in the pipeline, I spent the past year focusing on my next moves. We are a one-income family of five, so I need to earn.

Do I fold the studio? Do I find a business partner? Do I fall back on my apparel and Nike experience? Or do I focus on one particular company I’d love to work for, put all my eggs in that basket, and do what I can to gain a role there?

Well, I tried all of these. some seemed like a good path to take others felt regressive. While I wouldn’t say I’ve failed, in fact, I succeeded in what I was aiming to achieve, it just didn’t land me a role anywhere.

I’ve spent the past year trying to re-enter the job market, doing everything possible to appear like the “right fit.” I’ve removed dates from my résumé to mask my age. Stripped away achievements to avoid being seen as “overqualified.” Applied for roles far beneath my capabilities. as well as applying for roles I have no Idea if I could do, All in the hope of being accepted.

But here’s the thing, my neurodivergence, my multidisciplinary background, my creative process, these aren’t weaknesses. They’re strengths. They’re what make me valuable.

They may be seen as corporate shortfalls or leadership flaws, but that perspective misses the point. Sure, managing a budget, keeping track of time, multitasking, operational process organization, or task tracking may not be my strong suits, but I find ways to make it work, and sure sometimes I have missed the mark. What people don’t see is the constant fear of failure that underpins this effort, the anxiety of being “found out,” and the daily struggle of masking my executive function challenges just to keep up.

Imagine, though, if I had support with these areas in a role that gave me the space to focus on what I’m truly passionate about and great at. Imagine if we could inflate our strengths instead of constantly compensating for our weaknesses.

How many creatives are forced into management roles and lose sight of what they’re actually passionate about or good at? It's like, you ca'nt be a creative leader unless you pass the creative 'manager' test! WTF? They start with vision, with passion, with a drive to create, and find themselves bogged down by meetings, spreadsheets, timelines, and processes that most of the time seem more like inefficiencies than productivity. When did being “creative” start requiring mastery of every operational task? And what do we lose when creativity gets sidelined in favor of metrics?

What Comes Next?

Maybe I’m done trying to squeeze into spaces that weren’t made for me? I’ve stopped asking, How do I fit in? and started asking, What can I build that reflects not only who I am but how I work, how I think and how collaborate with others? I guess its not who I am , rather How I am.

Instead of conforming to neurotypical norms, I want to build something honest, something that reflects what I believe in. Maybe that means finding others who feel the same, a band of outsiders who are tired of playing by the rules and ready to build something new. or people that see the struggle and want to help .Yes, I still need to earn. like i said, I have a family to support, three kids, a wife, a home. Yes I know I need the strength of organized minds, analytical thinkers and business expertise to help and even partner with. But I’ve reached a point where I can no longer compromise the essence of How I am.

What About You?

Have you ever felt the same ? are you of a certain age, or neurological type, the type that has the urge to stop trying to fit in and instead start creating a space where you truly belong? What if we focused on creating instead of conforming? What if we built something better, together?

Maybe you’re ready to join the band. Let’s connect. Let’s orchestrate . Let’s see what happens.