Brave Night 1 : Recap

Recap / Brave Night : January 17 2024

Brave Nights - The Beginning.? We all have to start somewhere and this past Wednesday was something new for Brave.?

In the warmly lit living room of my home and office, 10 souls gathered to chat with me about bravery under the watchful eye of my brother and photographer, John Hogg. I wanted it captured, to remember the dynamic in the room and people that shared the moment together. We also shot a portrait of each attendee : I wanted us to capture someone just before they went into a brave moment. Maybe going forward we should capture them after too.?

The topic was somewhat broad but intentionally so, we shared why we were all in the room : some had booked it since December and some only decided to join the same day of the event to take advantage of the freed up seats. Then we spoke about our own moments of bravery and the kind of bravery we think the world lacks.?

The key points that came up are the following :

Bravery doesn’t always feel or have to be hard. A few of us mentioned that we would get praised for something that was brave that we felt was just normal : two reasons exist for this feeling.? The first is when you simply have no other choice, it is something that just has to happen, be it divorce, single parenting or other life altering moments. The second is when your actions are so aligned with your values and principles, that there is seemingly no other option than to do the brave thing. The impression that the brave thing is always hard is also something that stops us from sometimes stepping into the discomfort, of course it can be, but brave actions are not always hard but they are mostly right.? For that moment and at that time. The brave part is often defending your decision to other people : there were lots of comments in the group around judgment for leaving a dream or ‘safe’ job, or choices around whether or not to have children. In the end your brave decisions are no one else’s business because ultimately you are the one who has to live and die by them.?

Having a choice. When confronted with moments in which we need courage it is usually down to having to make a choice. In my experience, choice has been my secret elixir to feeling empowered and making better decisions for myself, whether it be starting Brave or going sober for three years, or even consistently working to change the negative familial narratives in my head. In a book on buddhism I read years ago something struck me powerfully, that the wrong thing can sometimes be right and the right thing can sometimes be wrong. I loved this because we live in a world of absolutes and life has a much larger gray scale than that.

Where is the grace? I always sign off ‘Be Brave. Be Kind.’ Our conversation touched on the absolutist cancel culture we live in and the inability to have conversations with people who have? an entirely opposing point of view. It can be confronting and some in the group agreed there are topics that are deal breakers, as in engaging with someone who dismisses or diminishes your very existence. The art of conversation and communication has been lost in the digital age and our diaspora existence, and yet it has never been more important.? Most of our friends have grown up in other cultures and other beliefs, and time apart can move you further away from those in your homeland. When being faced with an opposing point of view which challenges certain beliefs and perhaps your entire belief system, something happens with your sense of identity : you look into the abyss and wonder who you are, judge your past actions and almost saddened by the disconnect between your history and your present day self.? I grew up in Apartheid South Africa and know this feeling. An example raised was the topic of Zwarte Piet (Black Piet in the Netherlands - if you know you know) : in that, conversations are so charged on this matter and for some, it is because they feel they are being called racist when they don’t identify as racist and something that one day brought them so much joy now translates into guilt. In light of this we encourage that it is simply when you know better, you do better (Thanks Maya!). We must make space for a certain level of fallibility, otherwise there is no room for true honesty, vulnerability, or bravery. So be brave, but always be kind.?

So for the 11 of us that unpacked where we are with bravery right now we see it manifest differently : some want to resurrect, some want to go to seed, some want to break out and others want to look within.?

Whatever your journey and however you choose to be brave, I sincerely hope that 2024 is your year to face fear and say ‘fuck you fear, I am going to do it anyway!’ (bravery is the presence of fear but choosing to move forward anyway).

And lastly, as you look forward, I once heard this advice and it changed things for me : prove your supporters right, rather than proving your haters wrong. A way healthier energy to take forward in your brave rebellion.?

Be Brave. Be Kind.?

Wolfmama x